Monsters
by darkeningmoon
Summary: A girl with a mysterious past finds herself in Forks and crosses paths with the Cullen family.
1. Faster

Faster

I always wished I could grow tired while I ran. Not so I would stop; I could never be allowed to stop. But the exhaustion would give me something to concentrate on. Without it, my mind was permitted to wander. I was able to think about the town I had just left, the people who had stared whenever I passed, the people who had stared in every town I had stayed in long enough to be noticed. Eventually (and it always came to this) my mind would wander to what I was truly running from –

Once again I pulled my mind back. Thinking of _him_ would only make me more agitated, and I would need to stop soon. I may never get tired, but I was always hungry. And I couldn't ignore the hunger for long.

As I ran through the thick forest, trees whipping past my head at impossible speeds, I tried to concentrate on the sound and feel of my feet hitting the ground. _Thump, thump, thump_. The vibrations shooting up through my legs almost lulled me into sleep. I shook my head to snap myself out of the daze. I really needed to find something safe to think about.

As I knew it would, my mind drifted to the reason for my most recent fleeing. I thought of the girl who had seen me throw the rock. Her face as I picked up the huge rock without touching it, her horror as I threw it into the wall with unnatural strength –

Again I violently shook myself from those thoughts. I couldn't believe I had been so careless. She had made one comment on my "freakish" behavior. I remember thinking _I'll show you freakish_. And with that, I ruined another place of temporary permanence. The second the rock had crumbled against the wall, she had begun to scream. I couldn't even wait to see who would find her, what their reaction would be. I had started running that very second. I can only assume the townsfolk would think she was making up gossip about the mysterious new girl who had come into town then vanished without one word. I couldn't stop the smile from spreading over my face as I pictured her outraged expression at being called a liar. Still, I would have to be far more careful next time. I really needed to keep my temper in check.

A light shone from ahead, breaking me from my reverie. From in between the trees, I could see a golden-green light shining towards me. I slowed as I reached the edge of the trees and stepped into a meadow. The clearing was perfectly circular, filled to the edges with colorful flowers. I figured this would be as good a place to rest as any.

I walked to the center of the meadow and sat on the soft, damp grass, stretching my legs in front of me. I reached into my tan leather messenger bag that I constantly slung across my chest to hang at my waist. I brought out some bread and a bottle of water, and began the same meal I ate every day.

As I ate, I looked around the meadow and up at the sky above. The sun was sharp on my eyes, blinding me for only a second. My eyes focused and then I could see the sky clearly; a few white clouds spotted the endless sea of light blue. It was a beautiful contrast to the high dark green treetops surrounding the meadow. I looked around at the flowers dotting the meadow, the entire spectrum of color present in the blooms. This place was an artist's dream. I wondered if anyone had ever found this place before. It seemed a shame for this place to be wasted on the likes of me.

I grew bored quickly, so I looked around and quickly spotted a few rocks lying near me in the grass. I smiled as I focused on the rock and pictured it rising. The rock followed my mind's command. I sent the rock flying into a nearby tree; it crumbled with a satisfying crunch. Though I immediately regretted the action; it brought back too many memories.

Suddenly my mind was alight with remembering all the times my – _gift_ – had gotten me into trouble. The memories flew by me backwards; first, the girl and her horrified expression as I showed her just how much of a freak I really was, then the town where an entire building had collapsed just because I lost control. Similar memories flew past; a car flying through the air, a tree being ripped from its roots, pebbles ripping through stone like they were bullets. The list went on and on. I groaned as I thought how careless I really was. I had always been able to do these things; they all came as second nature. It was hard for me to keep myself in check when most of the time I didn't even realize I was doing these things. Maybe if _he _hadn't done so many tests everything would have stayed buried, I could have been normal, or at least attempted to –

Once again I stopped my mind with a sigh. I was no good at keeping a hold on myself when I was calm. Who knows what I would do to this colorful meadow if I became agitated. I tried to keep my mind concentrated on the food in front of me. It was tasteless and bland. Just what I needed to keep my thoughts neutral.

I sat in the meadow and dozed for a few minutes when I heard something moving in the brush twenty feet to my left. I opened my eyes and looked toward the sound. It was probably some small animal; the footsteps weren't loud, barely registering with my more than acute hearing. I waited as the footsteps got closer, curious now as to what creature could be stepping so lightly. I pictured a small animal hopping through the think forest; going home. I cringed as I realized that I would never home, that I could never settle anywhere. I oddly found myself craving that small animal's life. To be so sure of your future, to never have any doubt.

As I focused on that animal, I felt my brow furrow. These footsteps were odd; more beautiful than could be natural. Not only that, but the footsteps seemed to have a direct rhythm to them. Like a dancer's. I strained my hearing and I realized there were _two_ sets of footsteps coming towards me. Both sets sounded perfectly in rhythm with each other, like they were performing some sort of difficult dance routine with perfect precision. I turned my head away, alert now with danger. I tried to act natural, closing my eyes, slowing my breathing. If they didn't know I was aware of them, I may be able to keep the upper hand in a fight. As the footsteps crept closer, I calmed myself, and waited.


	2. Curiosity

Curiosity

I smelled and heard them in exactly the same second. I felt the wind shift in my direction, sweeping my hair to the side and bringing me their scent. It burned my throat and I froze as I recognized the familiar, terrifying smell. I tried to remain still and calm. My body screamed for me to run; run and never stop running. My mind agreed with my body. I wasn't sure what kept me sitting.

As the wind blew, I also heard a whisper so soft, almost silent, that the wind itself could have been speaking.

"Who is she?" The voice, as quiet as it was, rang like soft church bells. It had a purely magical quality about it. I'm sure whatever male listened to this voice speak fell in love with the owner immediately. I shuddered to think what this girl did with the ones that fell under her spell.

"I don't know." The other voice was magical as well. A velvet voice, soft and strong, with the power to draw the listener closer to him. The voice had a confused edge to it, as though he were answering one of the hardest questions of his life. I could just imagine his face twisted in confusion as he stared at me sitting alone in the middle of this bright meadow.

I had no idea what to do. I continued to sit still, trying to size these intruders up without looking at them. Of one thing I was certain; I was in trouble. I knew from the scent the wind had delivered to me that I was in the presence of two vampires. As I thought the word, my mind and body screamed at me again to run. Again, I was amazed as my body stayed still. Vampires were no friends of mine, that was something I knew well. They could never accept me and would most likely want me destroyed. I was a freak even to a world full of freaks. I took another deep breath to calm myself. My mind ran through a number of options.

Option one: I could run. My bag was still over my shoulder, so I could just make one smooth movement and be running, leaving this meadow and these two creatures far behind me. They would chase me of course, but I was confident I could outrun them. Unless one was a newborn. I shuddered. Yet, if one was a newborn, they would have heard my heartbeat by now, and I would be dead. The thought didn't really help soothe me.

Option two: I could sit here for an indefinite period of time. Either they would lose interest (extremely unlikely) or they would come forward and we would have to fight (extremely likely). The fight would be noisy, and evidence of its existence would probably be unavoidable. I had faith I could take them, but I really didn't want anyone to notice I was in the area, especially not vampires. It would be hard enough to travel without vampires on the lookout.

Option three: I could jump up now and take them both out. They wouldn't be able to tell anyone they saw me, and I could just leave. This seemed to be the best option, a clean getaway, but I was hesitant. I couldn't put my finger on where my indecision came from; I was no fan of vampires. I probably hated them more than they hated me. Ridding the world of two of the fiends would be an act of justice. None of these sordid, evil creatures should be allowed to exist. Yet, still, I hesitated.

I realized too late that I had hesitated too long. One of the vampires had grown too curious and had taken a step towards me. I nearly groaned to myself. This was going to make fleeing a whole lot harder. I cursed my luck, the same bad luck that had followed me through my whole existence. Why couldn't I be left alone to suffer in silence? The step she had taken had been loud (as loud as you can be on damp grass) and messy. It seemed like she wasn't taking the normal precautions one usually does while stalking prey. Then I realized, she thought I was human. She could stomp her feet and jump up and down for all a human would notice. I held back a smile as I thought of her surprise when I finally turned and took them both down.

The curious vampire took another step. I tensed my muscles, very slightly, hoping they were too concerned with my actual presence than my sitting position. I wished I had had my eyes open; I mentally tried to lay out the meadow. I was glad I had taken note of so much of my environment. I picked out the best defensive and offensive positions. I spotted in my mind the trees that would be less likely to be noticed missing if they were ripped from the ground. I really wished it wouldn't have to come to that. After my last breakdown, I really wanted this to go as subtly as possible.

I heard the velvet voice whisper again, slightly louder and more urgently than last time.

"Bella, no!" The curious vampire, Bella, took another step. Only a few seconds had passed since I first noticed their presence in the meadow, but already the atmosphere had changed dramatically. I could barely remember the serene feeling I initially had as I stared at the sky. The meadow was still calm, only the wind moved as it brushed over the flowers, but it was the calm before a storm. I prayed that the storm would go unnoticed to anyone but the three creatures in this meadow.

The persistent vampire took another step. I could feel myself getting irritated prematurely. What right did these things have to ruin my life? As though I was some animal on stage, these two fiends watched me with wide eyes, ignoring all the privacy I may or may not have deserved. How would they like it if I went into the nearest town and made a spectacle of them? Oh right, they would probably just kill everyone.

I hated them.

"Hello?" The bell voice, Bella, I remembered, spoke again. It seemed unlikely that she was speaking to the other bloodsucker, because she nearly yelled the question. Or maybe it had just seemed that way; I had been listening rather closely. I was stunned. _Hello_? Not exactly the words I expected before she jumped and attempted to suck my blood. Why would she announce her presence like this? Hadn't she just been sneaking up on me? It had taken her long enough to prowl behind me; why ruin all that work? A ridiculous thought occurred to me. Maybe she had been walking so slowly and noticeably in an attempt not to scare me. I nearly laughed out loud. Vampires attempting to not scare people. How ridiculous. I figured it was a trick. Well, I would play along. The longer she thought I was human, the less defensive she would be.

I looked up, my eyes feigning surprise. I gasped as I, carefully, stumbled to my feet. The vampire smiled at me, still standing in the shadow of a nearby tree. This was going to be easier than I thought. Bella held out her hand, palm outward, as some sort of sign of peace. This was becoming ridiculous. Hadn't anyone taught this leech not to play with its food? I stood still, just staring. I'm not sure how much of this was an act anymore. This vampire was unlike any I had ever encountered before. I decided to just keep silent until this played itself out. However this progressed, it would end with these vampires dead. It had to.

"Who are you?" Her voice, loud now, rang through my head like birds singing. I hated how angelic these creatures always seemed. As the thought crossed my mind, I really noticed the "person" standing across from me. She was pale, of course, and slim. She held herself with even balance, her muscles perfectly toned. Her hair was a beautiful caramel color. It framed her face and fell in loose curls to her shoulders. Her beauty was stunning, even to me. I wanted, more than anything, to rip her to shreds so she could never fool someone with that beautiful, red lipped smile ever again. I looked from her smile directly into her eyes. Hm. Not red like all other vampires. It was more of an amber color. I wondered for only a second about what would cause the change. Maybe it was the area. It was true I had never really been to the north before. It seemed like a silly reason, but I didn't have time to think on it.

The second vampire, the one with the velvet voice, stepped through the shadows to stand next to her. They were both very careful to keep out of the light. I knew why; vampires' skin shone like diamonds when they stepped into the sun. I wondered why they were being so cautious. Sure, they thought I was a human, but if they planned to just kill me, why all the pretense?

I examined the male vampire. He was exquisite. He too was pale, but there was a slight flush to his skin. He had recently hunted. What the hell was he doing hunting me then? Could these things never have enough blood? My eyes traveled down his body. He stood, like the female, in perfect balance, his muscles perfectly in unison. His face too, was the face of an angel. Perfect, high cheeks perfectly offset his perfect lips. Always perfect. His hair was a reddish-brown, a messy tangle that looked almost purposefully stylish. Models would kill to be these two. I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Then finally, I looked at his eyes and gasped. They were perfectly golden. Liquid butterscotch. I had no idea what was the cause of these strange differences in these two vampires, and they wouldn't have time to explain. I could feel my blood pulsing quicker in my veins, ready to take these demons out of this world.

"Are you okay? Are you lost?" Bella asked me, concerned. My eyes widened. What was this compassion? I could scream in frustration. '_FIGHT ME!_' my mind roared. This whole situation was so out of the ordinary it was unbelievable. I expected to wake from a dream at any second. Then I suddenly decided; I would start this. I refused to let them play this game anymore.

"No," I heard myself answer. I could feel the rage building up inside me. How many innocent people had they offered their help to only to turn on them in the last second? It disgusted me how much pleasure these monsters got out of lying to people. Poor lost hikers, just trying to find their way home. Uncertain teenagers, staring at their beauty, believing they can be special like these fiends. Children who wandered too far from their mothers, trusting these kind faces for help. How did they live with themselves?

"Who are you?" Bella asked me again. I started at her, enraged. I couldn't speak. I took one step towards her. She held her ground, but I could see the male tense next to her. He was still staring at me like I was some problem he couldn't answer. He caught my eyes glance at him. His eyes narrowed.

"Bella, let's go." He pulled her arm, but Bella stood solid, still looking at me. She honestly did look concerned. If I hadn't known what she was, I would have believed she really only wanted to help me. I stared incredulously at the male. Why was he trying to leave? So he could double back around and hunt me like a normal vampire? Perhaps he was growing tired of Bella's games. Maybe she did things like this all the time.

"No, Edward, she may need help," Bella said, still looking at me.

"We can't help her. She's fine. Please, Bella." The male, Edward, started to look anxious. Anxious vampires? I was actually starting to get confused. I steeled my mind, shoving all their lies from my head. I would not let them get me off track. I needed to keep the upper hand, and I needed to destroy them. For that, I had to keep them here.

"Can you point me to the nearest village?" I asked, taking a step backwards. I put on my most innocent face, the face of a child needing to find her family. It was a face I knew well. I had been a child for so long.

"Of course we can," Bella said, taking a step forward, her hand outstretched. In that instant, both she and Edward knew her mistake. That one small step had put her arm in the direct ray of sun. Her palm and forearm sent rainbows of light shining all over the meadow.


	3. Confrontation

Confrontation

Edward gasped.

"Oh no." His face, still trying to figure out a complex problem, looked horrified. Bella looked from her arm, to me, to him, back to her arm, and finally rested on my face. She pulled her arm back into the shadows, but she knew it was too late. She looked from me to the trees behind her, trying to decide whether or not to run. Her face was one of shock, horror and utter sadness. She looked to Edward, her face apologetic and horrified.

"What do we do?" She asked him, her voice a strangled whisper. She looked at me, cautious.

I was confused. I thought the moment I revealed what they were, they would attack me. Their game was over; I wasn't worth the time anymore. Still they both just stood there, horrified, working over whatever options they had. I was so sure of the reaction they would have had that I too stood still with shock. We all stood staring dumbfounded at each other for a long while. Finally, Edward spoke.

"Let's just go. No one will believe her. She may have not even noticed." I realized then that he wasn't actually speaking. In fact, his lips were barely moving. His message was for Bella and he was so sure I couldn't hear him. But I could. And they weren't going anywhere.

"Yes I did." I said, finally getting up the courage to start this thing. I couldn't believe I had let myself be played with. I was so disappointed in myself.

"I saw your arm, I saw the light, and I know exactly what you are," I said, my voice still and low. Bella's face got even more horrified, if that were even possible. It would have been amusing if the male, Edward, hadn't gotten immediately defensive.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. Go home." He turned to leave, Bella following him. I wondered why he cared so much about keeping this a secret. My mind flew, the thoughts of danger pounding in my head. Why weren't they killing me?!

I narrowed my eyes. They were very slowly walking out of the clearing. This wasn't happening. I would not let them leave.

Before they could take another step, I ran with unnatural speed and cut off their escape route. Well that did it. Bella nearly screamed and Edward dropped to a crouch. The two backed up so they were standing near the center of the meadow, their skin shining brightly all over now. Bella's eyes widened with danger and amazement. Edward's lip curled back ever so slightly and he uttered a very low growl. I smiled at them. Now I was the one having fun.

The two sniffed at the air, staring at me, both now trying to figure out what exactly I was. I knew they were trying to find my scent and identify it. I also knew they wouldn't succeed. My scent was like no other. _One of a kind_, my mind echoed. I casually walked towards them, Edward's growl becoming more and more prominent.

"What are you?" Edward demanded, not really giving me the option to not answer. I just smiled. Bella's eyes remained wide. I scared them, and I knew it. I reveled in the fact that I could make these two suffer for all the fear they caused all their innocent victims. I continued sauntering forward. Suddenly Bella's eyes narrowed. The fear and amazement were still present in her eyes, but they were quickly filling with hate. She wanted to protect this male beside her, a mate no doubt, and she would give herself up to do it. My head cocked slightly to the side, my grin becoming more pronounced. I was teasing her, and she knew it. She tensed her muscles, pushed herself in front of the male and crouched, about to spring.

"No, no, no. None of that," I called. She growled at me, fury quite clear in her eyes now. Her mate grabbed her arm, but she shook him off. I knew it was only a matter of time until I bated her too far and she lost it. I smiled at the thought.

"You won't win, you know. It would be better for you not to try," I said, my eyes bearing into the female's. That did it. She roared and jumped at me. It took her half a second to get an inch from my face, but I was ready. I held up my hand, pictured her body in my mind, and slammed it into a tree across the meadow. She flew and the force of her body snapped the tree in half. Not being able to control myself, I laughed.

That, of course, set the male on me. He screamed as her body slammed into the tree and turned on me. I jumped to the left and his body went flying past me. He was fast, very fast, but so was I. He lunged at me again, teeth bared, looking more animal than human, and I grabbed his shirt and used his momentum to swing him around and into another tree, across the meadow from his mate. He landed against the trunk, feet first, and he twisted so he lightly landed on the ground in a crouch. He looked at me, then to where his mate, just recovering from my throw, lay. He seemed to consider both of us in one instant, and then he sprung up, ran across the meadow, grabbed his mate and took off into the trees. All this happened fast, faster than I thought possible. I didn't even have time to think and then they were gone.


	4. Civilization

Civilization

I cursed, loudly, and threw a boulder at a tree. The rock split in two, both pieces landing with a thud. I closed my eyes, cursing myself for letting them get away. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I had two vampires on the lookout for me, maybe more. I didn't know how many of the vile things prowled around here. I had to run, of course. _Again_. If I started now, I may be able to get far enough away before they alerted anyone. Maybe my trail would disappear and I would be safe. It seemed like a lost hope, but it was all I had. I could take two pissed off vampires, but three would be pushing it. More than that and the fight would not be in my favor anymore.

I looked around the meadow, seeing if I left anything behind to betray my presence, but I didn't notice anything. It looked just as beautiful as it had when I had entered it not an hour ago. Except for the boulder pieces and the snapped tree. Not much I could do about them now. I sighed and took off running.

I ran full out through the thick trees, weaving through the intricate maze of forest. It was dark and damp, every surface covered in moss. I didn't worry about leaving my scent; they couldn't track it even if they wanted to. _One of a kind_, my mind mocked. I glared and ran even faster.

The forest canopy completely blocked out the sun above me, my only real guide for direction, so I ran blindly. It was disconcerting because, though I never knew where I was headed, I always at least knew how I got there. For now, all I knew was I wanted to put as much distance as I could between me and that meadow. I didn't need the sun to tell me to run in a straight line. I attempted to come up with a better plan than just 'run', but failed. Running was all I knew. It was the only plan I had ever had.

After about five miles of running however, my mind was made up for me. I couldn't just keep running. Things became much more complex. My head spun. This is exactly what I didn't want. I should have been paying more attention to where I was going.

I had stumbled out onto a road, a highway. There were cars driving past me, passengers looking at me, yet taking little notice. They probably thought I was a hitchhiker, just looking to get into town. From the sign I stood next to, this was the 'one-ten'. I had no idea where that was, or where it lead. I was about to turn and go back into the forest when something occurred to me.

The vampires, Bella and Edward, were terrified when I saw Bella's arm sparkle. In retrospect, it seemed like they were horrified of me, a "human", realizing what had happened. Edward had wanted to leave, saying no one would believe me.

These things were _afraid_ of humanity, of revealing their secret to the world. Suddenly everything fell into place for me. The terror, the hesitancy, the compassion Bella had shown. Most of all, the eyes. I had heard the ridiculous stories of the "good vampires", the ones that fed solely on animals. The ones that intended to make up for their miserable existence by sparing human lives. The concept had been so ridiculous to me that I had thrown it off as gossip, rumors. Vampires were not compassionate. They did not care for life other than their own. They were selfish down to their cold, vile core. The "golden eyed ones", they had called them. What nonsense.

Could these two be those "golden eyed ones", or part of some clan full of them? I couldn't believe it. Another lie, I was sure. Something turned their eyes golden, of course. You can't hide crimson eyes from humans; it sets off alarms in human minds. Perhaps these "good vampires" do add some animal blood to their diet. That would explain the eyes. But they would not ignore their thirst. It was impossible. They had to feed on humans. Innocent lives, no matter how many.

Regardless, I knew vampires of any kind, in any place in the world, were forbidden to reveal their secrets to humans. It would cause wide scale panic, causing vampire hunts all over the world. Not very helpful in keeping a species alive. If I could just find a town, I would be safe for at least a short while. They couldn't attack me around humans, not if they wanted to avoid punishment themselves. I had a safe haven, if I could find a town. No matter how much I despised humans, they were far safer than vampires. I would stay in their presence long enough to form a plan and then disappear. Easy enough. I had disappeared so many times before.

I followed the road and flow of traffic for miles. It was irritating to walk at this pace. I could travel this distance in seconds if the humans weren't watching. I sighed to myself, promising that this would pay off. I could run from this place as soon as I had a plan. Sooner, I hoped, rather than later.

The sky began to darken over my head as I walked. Clouds covered the glorious sun causing the day to darken and the air to cool. The wind picked up and whipped my short hair into my eyes. I sighed as I walked along the never ending road. This day had not gone as I had planned. I was frustrated at myself. Why did I have to stop in _that _meadow? A mile further and I would have been able to eat and continue on. I shouldn't have hesitated at attacking the leeches, either. That wasn't like me at all. Now I had gotten myself into a mess. I sighed. Hopefully I could be rid of all this soon.

After what seemed like ages to my anxious mind, I reached a town's limits. Forks, the sign read. I tried to place the location on a map in my mind, but I couldn't do it. I thought I knew every city, town, and village's location, but apparently I was wrong. Already this town plagued me with information I didn't know. This entire day was very disconcerting. I sincerely hoped this would all make sense soon.

It wasn't long before I got to what seemed like the center of town. I passed a school, surrounded by children eagerly leaving their classes for the afternoon. Children? No, teenagers, but there was little difference. It amazed me how much I hated every one I saw. They went about their lives as though prom and essays were the most important things in life. How blind they all were. They leaned against their cars, calling to each other, making plans for the weekend. So it was Friday. I rarely ever knew the date, let alone the day of the week. The knowledge did little to help me live through my existence. I wandered past the parking lot, no one even looking at me. It surprised me that no one shied away from me or looked up at horror to see me standing there. I reminded myself that, on the outside, I looked just like them. To their eyes I was 18, maybe 19 years old. I laughed to myself. They were so naïve it was pathetic.

I walked past the school and into the commercial district of town, if you could call it that. It consisted of a few stores: sporting goods, jewelry, convenience stores. A diner and fast food chain were also located along the main road. A gas station stood silent at the corner of a block. The town was busy, at least as far as small towns go. People bustled in and out of stores; cars of the recently freed high school students drove down the main road, some stopping at the gas station to refill their tanks before their big Friday night plans. I looked for somewhere to stay, eyes searching for something inconspicuous. I saw a small motel, probably some family owned thing, and started to walk towards it. I stopped after a few steps. I sighed deeply.

I couldn't do this. I hated staying in one place too long. Renting a room at a motel was so _unlike_ me. What was I hiding from? Would these people fluttering around me be able to protect me from a horror centuries old? Did I deserve to be protected? It was a ridiculous notion. No, I was not renting a room. I would stay in the forest, near enough to town that no leeches would bother me, but I would not put these people at risk. If I did, I was no better than the bloodsuckers who took these lives. I had to protect these people; it was a small penance for my existence.

I reached into my bag to grab something to drink, just to have something to do. I realized my bottle was empty; I didn't remember drinking it all before in the meadow. Regardless, I couldn't go without water for long, it would become too distracting. I looked to the gas station at the end of the road and the store attached to it. I had little money, but surely enough to buy another bottle of water. I probably could have found a spring in the forest, but I cringed at the thought of going out there alone again. I didn't want to admit it, but I was scared. This place was foreign to me, and these new bloodsuckers had thrown me off balance. I shook my head at my pathetic fear, disgusted with myself. Still, I began to walk towards the gas station.

All the pumps were occupied, creating a tangle of cars all attempting to get their fuel and leave. I stepped past a few boring, flat colored sedans and behind a large red pickup truck. As I stepped into the last aisle of mundane cars, one shiny, silver car caught my eye. A Volvo, I recognized. I knew little to nothing of cars, but the oddity of this expensive, new car next to the rest of these boring, old cars interested me. The idea of one so severely standing out from all others in this town was ridiculous. Everything was so uniform. The car was finished fueling and the driver had gotten back into the car, was turning the ignition, about to put the car into drive. I focused more intently on the driver to see whose car it was that stood out so shamelessly. As I looked through the window, my breath came out in a low gasp.

The driver was staring at me with golden eyes. The girl's hair was brown, cut short, sticking out at all ends. Her wide eyes stared at me in amazement, almost as if she was watching a dream come true. I barely needed to take in the rest of her features to realize what she was: her pale skin, beautiful face and perfect smile were secondary. Those golden eyes told me all I needed to know. I broke our gaze and hurried to the store before she could pull me into her car. I closed my eyes as I pushed the double doors of the store open and entered. I sighed as I heard the car smoothly switched gears and drove off.

This was getting unbelievable. These people were everywhere! How could I possibly keep myself away from them? My mind went crazy with thoughts. How many of them were there? Could they watch the whole town all at once? That girl had _stared _at me. It was like she knew who and what I was. Should I just leave now? What if this entire town was made up of just them?

I took a deep breath and laughed silently at myself. I was becoming paranoid. I remember walking past the high school, full of naive teenagers. There were no sign vampires there. I was getting myself completely worked up. It was entirely possible I had imagined those golden eyes staring out at me from that shiny silver Volvo. I tried to convince myself I had made a mistake. I pretended that I believed it. It was possible, I guess. Yet, I had never made a mistake before. I was too cautious for that.

I walked to the back of the store and opened the freezer containing the water bottles. As the cold air hit me, I felt somewhat better. I was getting worked up. So what if she was a vampire? That made three. I could take them. No problem. I looked up at the shelves of drinks and picked the cheapest bottle, still feeling silly that I couldn't go into the forest and get my own. What a coward. I didn't like thinking of myself this way.

I walked to the counter and placed the bottle down, along with the correct amount of money. I got my change and left without saying a word. I wanted to question the cashier about the vampires, but I couldn't find the words to use. _So, you know those pale people who live around here? Ever see them suck someone's blood? Yes? Oh, OK, then do you know where they live?_ I sighed as I left the gas station behind. I looked up at the sky. It was getting darker; I needed to find somewhere to sleep. Just then, a police car drove past me, heading south on the road, back towards the residential area. I smiled suddenly, despite myself. Who better to surround myself with than with a police officer? Not that they would do much damage against a vampire clan, but at least he might ward them off.

I followed the car down the road, sticking to the inside of the trees lining the slim road leading to the far spread houses. I was able to keep up with the car easily, carefully hiding behind trees to keep myself hidden. Finally the car pulled into the space in front of a small house; big enough for two people, maybe. I sincerely hoped he lived alone. He turned off his car, got out and I watched as he pulled a key from under the eave. He used it to open the door, replaced the key, and then shut the door. I slowly walked up to the house, carefully lifting myself to look in a window. I saw the man pull out a can of beans and pour them in a pot, which he put on the stove. He sighed at the measly meal and went to sit on the couch in the adjacent room. The TV flickered on, and he was instantly absorbed. I smiled at the predictability of this normal, yet somehow lovable human. I sincerely hoped no harm would come to him because of me. I easily scaled the side of the house to a window directly above the kitchen. I looked into it, again careful to keep myself unseen. As I peeked over the edge, I let out a sigh of relief.

The room was empty. I attempted to slide the window open, expecting to have to use a bit of force. Surprisingly, the old window opened easily. I silently slipped in and shut the window again; I didn't want a draft to alert the man downstairs. My eyes scanned the room. It seemed like it had been used recently, yet not recently enough that someone lived here. Clothes were still piled in open drawers, some lay thrown on the floor, forgotten by some unknown hand. The bed was made, but the quilt on it was tattered with frequent use, as though the person who once slept here tossed and turned every night. A small CD player sat on the table next to the bed, which looked old and used as well. I lifted its lid; it was empty. The room was empty of any pictures, so I couldn't imagine who had lived here. The room certainly didn't belong to the police officer; it was filled with women's clothes. Yet the officer had done nothing to clear the room of its past inhabitant. There was a faint scent to the room that my mind wanted to place, but I couldn't. It was a smell of some far off dream, half-forgotten.

Something in the corner of the room caught my eye. A large rocking chair sat still on the floor, so empty without a body to fill its large seat. There was something about the chair that held my eyes. I couldn't tell what it was; it was a normal rocking chair. But it seemed as if it were significant to this odd house, somehow. If felt like if I could discover its secret, this whole situation would make sense. But I couldn't, so I put it from my mind.

Almost too late, I realized I heard footsteps on the stairs just outside the room. I looked around the room quickly, looking for a hiding space. I saw a closet just next to the rocking chair. I darted to it and quickly slipped in. Against my better judgment, I left a small crack to look out. I knew the human wouldn't notice me, the crack was infinitesimal. Still, it was unlike me to be reckless, even to the smallest degree.

The man opened the bedroom door and looked inside very briefly. He walked to the bed and touched it ever so lightly. He sighed and turned and walked back out. I thought I heard a sniff from behind the door as he closed it. I waited for his footsteps to go back down the stairs before I left the closet. I looked to the bed, so comfortable, the quilt so inviting. I registered the thought as a terrible one in my mind; so unnecessarily reckless. Still, I found myself walking slowly to the bed and lying down. I needed to sleep to think. This wasn't a good place to fulfill the need, but it was the most comfortable option.

As I lay, letting sleep take me slowly, my mind screamed at me. What was I doing? Laying in a bed in the house of a human? Did I completely forget about the reason I was hiding? To think of a plan and then leave. That was it. I was hiding so I could remain inconspicuous and think of a way to leave without the vampires noticing me. Getting myself hauled off to jail for breaking and entering wasn't really going to help me. I knew that, but I couldn't make my muscles move. I was falling under, a deep pressure holding me down, pushing me into oblivion. I couldn't stop it now, so I gave in.

My mind switched off, and I slept.


	5. Dawning

Dawning

I woke as the light from the window stretched over my face. I yawned, opening my eyes slowly. I hadn't slept that well in…well I couldn't count how long it had been. I stretched my legs and arms turning over on the soft quilt, letting my face sink into the pillow.

Suddenly my mind flicked back on.

I jumped out of the bed and looked around. Nothing seemed different from yesterday, other than the light streaming in the window. I looked out the window. The police car was gone. I cursed myself for being so careless. What if he had looked in the room before leaving? I was extremely lucky that he had not. I shuddered to think of the reaction he would have had. I had been too careless. I had to leave. My conscience still berated me for not listening last night. I attempted to ignore it.

I was about leave when I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I had left the last town wearing a tight black t-shirt and jeans. Now the shirt was tattered from the branches snagging on it from my run through the forest. The jeans were covered in mud and grass stains. My hair was a tangle of red-brown, dirt mixed in with the knots. I sighed. I couldn't walk around town like this. No wonder people had been staring. I looked like I had lived in the forest for the last few months. This wasn't unbelievable, because I had been living in the forest for the last few months.

I looked at the clothes strewn across the floor and drawers. One shirt, one pair of pants. Nothing the human man would notice missing. I doubt he kept inventory of the room. I located a pair of jeans that, to my surprise, fit me perfectly. I snatched up a black long sleeve shirt from the floor. I quickly changed into my new attire, taking my old clothes with me. I looked around the room again. The bed was still made, looking exactly as it had before I touched it. Except for the clothes I was wearing, the room was exactly the same as it had been when I first entered it. I remembered the resigned depression of the man who lived here. I wondered how long he would keep this room exactly the same; a room frozen in a happier time.

I quickly turned, opened the window and climbed out. I closed the window behind me and leapt to the ground, landing with a soft thump. I examined the forest surrounding the house. Dense enough that I could probably start running now and no one would ever know. That is, if vampires weren't involved. Which they were.

I stashed my old clothes a few feet into the forest. I sat down there and had a quick breakfast: bread and water, like always. I was almost out of bread, and I couldn't go any longer without that than I could without water. I resigned myself to going into town again. It was the only choice I had. I examined the money I had left. I wished I had just found a spring instead of allowing myself to spend money on the bottled water. What a waste. If I couldn't find cheap bread, I would have to steal some. I hated stealing; it was bad enough that I was alive. No need to cheat people out of anything more. But if I didn't have any money, that was my only choice.

I looked to the house only a mile away. I could always just take this man's food. It would be free, and less reckless than stealing from a store. I stood and stored my water in my bag. I tried not to think about this poor man's sadness as I opened the kitchen window and climbed in. There was no room for compassion at this point. I needed to look out for myself.

I spotted a loaf of bread lying on the counter. I snatched it up and shoved it in my bag. I tried to think of a way to repay the man that had unknowingly fed me and given me a place to sleep. I could think of nothing. Maybe ridding his neighborhood of a vampire or two would count for something. It seemed like a good enough trade to me. Then again, I never had much of a conscience.

I climbed out the window, sliding it closed, leaving the house behind me. Again I looked to the forest around me. It had suddenly taken on a more sinister nature. There could be vampires anywhere; this dark forest would be a perfect hiding place. I needed to get back in the sight of humans before any leeches jumped me. I would not be taken down by a bunch of vampires just because I was too lazy to get into the public eye.

I ran back to town by the same path I had used to reach the police officer's house. As I ran, I attempted to hammer out a plan for escape. I couldn't stay here, that was clear. All I wanted to do was leave. I hadn't laid down any ties yet; I was full on supplies for awhile. I could have run now if I wasn't sure those leeches would find me and take me down. I had offended two of them; there was no escape from that. I knew from experience that a humiliated vampire was deadly. Their pride was something they protected at all costs. Nothing touched them and got away with it.

Even in my current situation, I couldn't deny how great it felt to run freely again. Yesterday had been full of cat and mouse games. Today I felt freer; as though the memory of the golden eyes was far behind me. All I could focus on was the blurring of the trees as they flew past me. I loved dodging in and out of the tangle of branches. I could feel a laugh escape from my lips as I jumped over a fallen tree trunk. I was running as fast as my legs would allow, moving one in front of the other with careless grace. Yet, I wanted to go faster. If only I could run on four legs –

My body froze. I came to a complete stop, and leaned on a tree trunk for support. Memories began to flood my conscious. _His _experiments, _her _eyes, my screams. I could feel the wetness flooding my eyes. I closed them and shoved the memories back. I had no time for this. I was in enough danger as it was. I needed to calm down, to be able to think clearly. I began to run, slower this time, focusing on the rhythm of my strides. _Thump, thump, thump. _Soon enough I had left the memories behind me, just like I had in the beginning. Just keep running.

Eventually I made it back to town. I emerged near the high school I had passed yesterday. I did a quick check of my clothes – all intact – and began to walk towards the parking lot. It was Saturday, so only a few people were there, and I hoped I would blend in to the other students milling around. I looked the part; I kept my head down and headed directly to one of the picnic tables adjacent to the parking lot. I picked a table farthest from the woods bordering the area; if someone came out of the trees, I wanted to have time to evaluate them.

As I sat at the table, I stared at the sky. It was a direct contrast to how it had been in the meadow. Overcast and dark, even though it was midday. The air was cool and the slight wind twirled off my skin. I shuddered. Not because I was cold, I never felt cold (or warm for that matter); I shuddered because this was the perfect area for vampires. No sunlight, with cool temperatures so no one would question their freezing skin. This town already made me sick. I wanted to be rid of it more and more every second. It was as though I had finally died and been sent to my own personal hell. Maybe I had. It surely contained more than enough bloodsuckers.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a small notebook. The one thing I always carried with me. The notebook had a rough black cover with a black ribbon attached used to mark my page. As I had done a thousand times before, I opened the notebook to the first page. As it had done a thousand times before, the first page stared back at me, completely blank. I remembered back to the first time I had seen this book. It had been just after I had started running. I stopped in a bookshop, just so I could prove to myself that I could stop moving, that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore. There it was; this book staring at me from across the room.

I remember picking the book up and feeling it's rough cover in my hands, its black binding standing out against my white skin. I opened the cover that first time and the beige parchment stood like a small square of sand waiting for me to write on. I remember thinking that this thing could be one companion; something I never had to lie to. I could tell it my whole history, and it would never judge me. It couldn't reject me. With that, I had shoved it inside my bag and hurried out of the store.

My first theft. Not close to the worst of all my offenses, but it was the beginning of a trend. I remember pulling the book out a day later and wanting to write in it, but I didn't have a pen. I would need to steal one of those too. Another petty crime; a pen would never be missed. But it got me thinking: how far would this go? How long until I committed some atrocity and blew it off as a "petty crime". All I wanted was to be a normal human, to live out my life alone and without sin. But that life was never meant for me; fate wouldn't allow it. This book had always been my symbol of that. Every time I looked at its blank first page, I remembered all my sins, too many to make peace with. This book mocked me as I stared at it, and I knew I deserved it. My life would never be a story I could record in a book. It was too horrifying.

I shifted from my thoughts as I heard a loud laugh from behind me. I shifted around to see a few male teenagers walking towards their cars, making raucous jokes about some female classmate. I turned back around, narrowing my eyes. These humans wasted their lives being cruel to each other and jealous over trivial things. Already I could hear one boy mocking the other for his dilapidated car. If these people could put half the energy into their own self-improvement as they put into ridiculing each other then this world could progress so much faster.

I closed my eyes and once again tried to think of a plan to get out of here. The sooner, the better. My basic needs were simple; I needed to find where these vampires prowled and either avoid them, or destroy them. I really preferred the latter; I owed it to the police man to rid his area of a few vampires. But if there were too many in this clan I would just need to skirt around the leeches. I wanted to get myself out of this area quickly. Human needs would always come second to my own.

One huge problem loomed before me. I had no idea how to find their hunting area without risking running into them. I couldn't let that happen. Even those two vampires I had met the day before could take me down easily if they caught me unawares. I needed more clues, to find out more about these bloodsuckers. I couldn't figure out how; who would know to be wary of them without knowing what they were? And if they knew what they were, they would be dead in a second. I sighed deeply with frustration. How would I ever be able to get the information I needed?

I started to get extremely anxious. I felt trapped; like some animal in a cage just waiting to be slaughtered. This is not how I wanted my miserable excuse for an existence to end. I would not be outsmarted by _vampires_. They were the ones who had ruined my life in the first place; I would not allow them the satisfaction of ending it as well. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head for a minute. If I just opened up my thoughts, maybe something would occur to me. I was grasping for anything at this point.

Just as my eyes closed, the wind picked up and blew my hair across my face. The cool breeze helped clear my head, lessening the pressure of the anxiety on my thoughts. I was about to smile at the relief when the scent hit me. It felt like running directly into an unbreakable wall. I was surprised I stayed in my seat.

_Vampire_, my mind screamed. My eyes snapped open and my head twisted towards the source of the smell. I failed to hold back my gasp of surprise. It was the same golden-eyed girl I had seen at the gas station yesterday. She was walking from the entrance of the main school building to the same shiny silver Volvo. I stared in amazement. She hadn't noticed me; she was carrying a stack of papers, opening the passenger door to set them on the seat. I turned my head so that I wasn't directly staring, but I could still see her out of the corner of my eye. She was gracefully walking – it looked more like dancing – to the driver's side now. I felt a smile tug at my lips. This was going to be too easy. These leeches weren't as smart as they thought.

The girl started the car, backed out of the parking space and drove off towards the residential area of town. I shoved my notebook into my bag and flung the bag's strap over my shoulder in one fluid movement. I tried to keep my speed under control; there were enough humans around that I couldn't risk running. I turned the corner out of the parking lot and I could see the silver Volvo a few miles ahead, still headed towards the woods. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had almost believed I would have lost sight of the car in the few seconds it took me to cross the parking lot.

I walked along the road slowly, the Volvo getting further and further away from me. I wanted to break into a run, to close the distance between me and the vampire, but I couldn't risk someone seeing me and ruining this. The trees along the side of the road would give me the cover I needed. They were only a few yards away. I just needed to keep myself under control. _Patience_, my mind soothed. The Volvo was miles in front of me when I finally reached the trees, but it was close enough for me to see. I laughed when I hit the trees. Finally, my luck had turned. This really was going to be too easy.

When my body fully entered the cover of the trees, I took off. My body was flying through the edge of the forest, my feet barely touching the ground. I knew I could close the distance to the car easily. The vehicle wasn't going very fast; the girl didn't even know she was being followed. I smiled as I thought of her surprise when I discovered her clan. I laughed at her horror as she realized she was what led to their demise. I was finally going to get to loose my power on the vile creatures that had occupied every nightmare I'd ever had. This moment was my best fantasy, second only to destroying _him_. But, in the end, _he _didn't matter much. After all, it was he who gave me the power to destroy these creatures. Beautifully ironic, I had to admit.

By the time I caught up with the Volvo, no other cars were on the road. The car was traveling on its own now, so I was able to stick close to the edge of the trees. There was no risk of anyone seeing me anymore. I was so relieved to finally be done with this whole mess. Now I could move on again, start over again. This experience had certainly taught me a lesson though. I needed to be far more alert from now on. These leeches could be anywhere. I needed to be aware.

The silver car began to slow down, so I did as well. We had to be getting close. My body twitched in anticipation. I shook out my arms. No need to get over-excited too early. This all would play out soon enough. I continued to dodge around the houses that were becoming sparser and farther in between. The forest was dense enough that this was not a problem. I could skip behind the back of a house without getting noticed. I was glad at how fast I was able to move. I couldn't stay patient for much longer.

Finally the silver car turned onto a small path off the main road. I was amazed; the path was completely blocked by trees. I wouldn't have seen it until I ran directly onto it, completely in the open and undefended. I cursed myself. Hadn't I just told myself to be more alert? I would never be able to take down these bloodsuckers if I wasn't concentrating completely. I took a deep breath. _Focus_. I crouched low and slowly crept through the trees bordering the narrow path.

I followed the silver car as it slowly drove up the long path, expertly winding around the tight curves. I took the path slow, drawing out my anxiety, breathing slowly to keep myself under control. This car would lead me where I needed to go, no need to worry. I had my plan finally, and I was going to see it through. I was confident I could handle anything these leeches through at me. Yet, as I reached the top of the hill, I realized I was wrong.

A huge white house stood out on a hill, surrounded by forest. I didn't know what I had been expecting; if the clan owned a car, they had to have some sort of permanent living situation. But this house looked so _normal_. I could imagine a regular, if somewhat wealthy, family living in this beautiful home. I could see children running around the front yard, laying on the grass, rolling down the hill. To think that _vampires_ inhabited this house was unbelievable.

I shook my head. I growled at my own stupidity. Who cares what their house looks like? They're pretending to be humans! Of course their house looks normal; it has to! I was being ridiculous. I had let these bloodsuckers fool with my head for the last time. I reminded myself to focus and crept as close to the house as the trees would allow me. I could see that one side of the house was completely covered with long, wall-length windows. This house was _very _odd for vampires –

I shook my head again, clearing the thought from my mind. I knew I had to see inside the house. I couldn't just go barging in without seeing inside it. If I went in blind, I would be at a distinct, probably fatal, disadvantage. The only way I was going to see inside those windows was if I approached the house. That was something I was very uncomfortable about doing. There were no trees around the house; it was completely open. If anyone looked out the windows, I would be completely visible. There was nothing I could do about it.

Still, it had to be done. I couldn't take these leeches without seeing inside the house. There was no other option. I took a deep breath to steady myself, and lowered my crouch even more. I locked my eyes onto the closest window, knowing it was my best chance. If I could slide next to that window and peek in without being seen, it would give me all the information I needed. It would also be a miracle to get that far and not be seen. That thought was not comforting. I closed my eyes, took another deep breath and ran.

The run took me less than a second. Still in those few moments, I felt more afraid than I had ever been. This was an unknown enemy I was up against, and I was, once again, doing something reckless. It was something that had to be done, but still I was afraid. And the fact that I was afraid made me feel even more so. Fear was never really something that I let affect me. When you don't value your own life, courage really wasn't that hard to muster. If you would call it courage, which I wouldn't. It was more a feeling of indifference. If failure meant death, than who was I to worry? Either way, I would get what I wanted.

In spite of that odd fear, I made it to the window with no problem. I kept my back pressed against the house and turned my head slightly so I could see inside the room. I wasn't sure what to expect anymore; the house had thrown me off so badly that I just figured not to assume anything. Still, even when assuming nothing, the presences in the room nearly knocked me off my feet.

Behind the window was an enormous entryway. It contained a few small tables covered in pictures and random papers, a handful of comfortable looking chairs and loveseats, and a large piano. The decorations were breathtaking; antique and polished, giving the house a timeless feel. The room, huge as it was, felt lush and inviting. All of this surprised me; I couldn't imagine vampires cared much about any human comforts. My eyes passed over the plush cushions covering the couches. Definitely not my idea of vampire décor. Regardless, this was not what surprised me. What took my breath away was worse; far, far worse than any plump couches.

There were eight, _eight_, vampires sitting in the room. I wanted to scream. This was the largest, most unusual coven I had _ever_ seen. I couldn't believe my eyes. What were they all doing together? I tried to size them up, assuming there had to be some sort of mistake. How could eight of them be sitting so calmly in one room together? As far as I could remember, if more than five vampires were close enough to each other at any one time it was almost certain a fight would break out, probably killing one of them off. _Eight!_ My mind quickly evaluated them.

As my eyes focused I quickly picked out the three vampires I already knew. The first two, Bella and Edward, were sitting next to each other on a loveseat nearest to the piano. They seemed to be deep in conversation, but Bella's eyes kept flicking towards something in an adjacent room that I couldn't see. She looked calm overall, but there was a sort of anxiety in her eyes whenever they would flick to the unknown object in the next room.

The other female I had seen in the car was sitting in an armchair near the front door. She seemed completely relaxed, a small smile playing at her face. Every so often her head would flick back and she would murmur some comment I couldn't hear to the blonde male vampire standing behind her. The male was lean, yet strong. His muscles were tense, like he expected danger, but every time the female would say something, he would relax and smile at her. He wore a long black turtleneck sweater that covered everything but the very top of his neck. Just over the tip of the turtleneck I could see something silvery and smooth. It looked like some sort of scar. I took note of it and my eyes passed onto the next couple.

The two were complete contrasts of each other. The female was tall and slim. Her hair was a golden blonde, hanging in loose curls to her waist. Her face was beautiful, of course, all vampires' were. Yet there was something beyond that. She was the most angelic thing I had ever laid eyes on, yet I had a distinct dislike for her. She held herself with an attitude that implied she knew how beautiful she was, and she was proud of it. She seemed smug about something in particular in that instant that I looked at her. It disgusted me.

The male next to her was her opposite. Attractive, of course, but gigantic. His muscles were nothing like the other two males I had seen. They had been lean, and carefully toned. This male's were huge. He looked aggressive and frightening next to the slim, vain female. I actually feared for anyone who got on his wrong side. He looked like he could snap even a vampire in half. I wanted to keep as much room between him and myself as I possibly could. He seemed calm enough now, perhaps even a bit amused, like he knew some joke that I was left out on.

The remaining two vampires differed from the other six in apparent age. The younger ones looked like they were just out of high school, maybe just starting in college. These last two looked like they were in their late 20s, maybe early 30s. The female had brown hair which shone with the dim light coming in from the windows. She looked quiet, not very aggressive. Maybe she wasn't a very good fighter. If any of this came to fighting, I could target her first, just to get her destruction over with fastest. She seemed concerned about something. She kept looking up at the male sitting next to her. My eyes looked up to him as well.

The male was blonde and breathtakingly handsome. He seemed to be looking at the rest of the room with a sort of authority, so I assumed he was the clan leader. He had a look of true compassion on his face that was hard to comprehend. I knew he was not compassionate – no vampires were – so I wondered what emotion it really was that I was misconstruing as compassion. Maybe he was just proud of this enormous coven he had produced and kept under control. I couldn't lie to myself; I would have been proud too.

I turned my head back to look at the forest. I was in trouble. Big trouble. I had no chance against eight vampires. The thought was ridiculous. I would never be able to pull off a fight. I had to escape and I had to do it now before anyone noticed me. I shouldn't have even stayed long enough to evaluate the vampires. Once I had seen their number, I should have taken off immediately. I was amazed no one had noticed me yet. These bloodsuckers seemed oblivious to the world around them. I was stealthy, but not stealthy enough to avoid the notice of eight vampires. One of them had to have seen me. Or heard me at the very least. They could be coming for me right now. I had to run. Now.


	6. Discovery

Discovery

My feet moved quicker than they ever had before. They barely made a sound as I ran full force across the wide backyard, but I knew they would be loud enough for a vampire to hear. I just hoped that they thought I was some animal passing through instead of a dangerous intruder who was, until a minute or so ago, intent on their destruction. I couldn't see them being very friendly towards me. I closed my eyes and sincerely hoped they couldn't hear me at all. It was the falsest of all false hopes. I didn't glance behind me to see if anyone was following me. There would really be no point; if one had seen me, they all had and I was dead already. I just had to keep moving. I kept my eyes on the dark cover of the trees a few yards ahead of me. I was confident that if I made it to those trees I would be safe. I urged my feet to move even faster.

To my intense surprise, I made it to the trees without a problem. Their canopy hid me from the muted sunlight shining brightly behind the cloud cover. I streamed in between trees trying to confuse my tracks. If they couldn't trace my footsteps, I would be safe. Vampires were so dependent on their sense of smell; they often neglected to use any other type of tracking. My 'unique' scent could keep me safe now that I was covered in darkness.

I could hear the splashing of the river ahead of me so I wasn't surprised when I came upon the wide expanse of water. I stopped at its bank and stood for a second, letting myself take in its beauty. The wild water flowed steadily from the west, its cold water looking so inviting to me. I wanted to jump in and swim with the current, letting it carry me wherever it wanted. Then I remembered what I was running from. I didn't think they could catch me now, but I wasn't taking any chances. I should keep moving until I hit Canada, at least.

I took a few steps backwards and took one long bound and jumped the river. I landed lightly on the other side of the river, glad that I had judged the distance correctly. I really didn't want to be held down, no matter how slightly, by wet clothing. I wanted to be able to run freely, without any type of hindrance.

I began to run north, keeping my stride solid and constant. I fell back into the same stupor I had been in since I was a child; running was my nature. It was never something I had to concentrate on. In fact, I felt more at ease running than I did when I was walking. The trees whipping past me at extreme speeds were never a hazard to me. They never blurred; I could see each detail perfectly. Running was all I had known. I was glad to be doing it again, knowing that I was free now of the vampires. It was so great a relief that I hadn't really been paying attention to where I was going. That's probably why the house coming into my view was such a shock to me.

It was a tiny rock cottage jutting out of the ground surrounded on all sides by ivy and honeysuckle. Flowers grew below the windows and a stone path led the way to a small wooden door. I stared at the house; it was beautiful. I knew in the back of my mind that I should be running; I had told myself I wouldn't stop again until I left the country. Yet this house's obvious magic held me still. I walked very slowly up to the house's front door. I lightly touched the door's handle; it turned, unlocked. I hesitated. This house held so many mysteries to me: how long had it been here? Did anyone actually live here? Did they know how close they lived to a coven of evil creatures?

One of my questions was answered when I finally walked across the threshold. Yes, someone definitely lived here. There were only a few rooms: a sitting room equipped with a fireplace and shelves full of books, a room with a huge off-white bed and light blue walls, and another smaller room with pale wooden floorboards. I couldn't quite see the interior of the last room, so I crept forward and looked inside. I was horrified by its contents.

The room was furnished for a child. It contained a small plush bed full of pillows and flowing blankets. There were walls of toys and children's clothes. It looked like this child (a girl, by the looks of the clothes) had a different outfit for every day of the year. A table next to the bed had a book set on it with a child's cup set on top of that. But of course that wasn't what horrified me. The pictures on the walls were what made me want to scream.

They were all of the strange coven of vampires across the river. Each one of the eight vampires was present in this gallery of leeches; each one smiling complacent grins. The biggest frame of all, the one opposite the bed, pictured the first couple I had met: Edward and Bella. They were staring at the camera with complete joy in their eyes, smiling, their faces almost touching. I felt a surge of extreme hatred; an intense loathing focused on these eight vampires. Before I knew what I was doing, I was racing out the front door.

I had no idea what I was thinking; why was I headed back towards the river? Why was I making my bounds so large? Why was I jumping back over the water? What did I care what these vampires did with the human population? I needed to be running away from the eight extremely powerful vampires set on my destruction, not towards them. What was I doing? Why couldn't I make my body turn around? I was headed for my death; that wasn't even a question.

_I will not let them hurt her_. That was the only thought I had in my head. These leeches had a plaything; some innocent child was being tortured by them. I didn't care what happened to me anymore; I would not let them hurt her. I knew somewhere in my mind why I was so set on this. It was so very clear; I knew why I could feel this child's fear so accurately. It had been my fear.

I exited the forest's darkness and smelled them so acutely. Icy and cold; the disgusting scent of vampires. I knew what I was up against and I knew with painful certainty that I would not survive this. Why had I come back? Even if I did manage to take one or two of these creatures out, this girl would not be safe. I couldn't save her, nor could I save myself. This was probably the dumbest thing I had ever done. Still, I couldn't run now. They knew where I was and could easily follow me. The only choice I had now was to stand and fight. At least I would go down with dignity.

As I entered the massive backyard I saw that the whole coven was present. All eight were staring at me, all with varying emotions plain on their faces; anything from amusement to absolute hatred. I didn't know which was worse; I hated to be taken as a joke. Well, at least I wouldn't live long. I didn't have to look at their grins for much longer.

I tensed my muscles as Edward, the first male I had met, walked towards me. It was a cautious walk; he didn't know what to expect. He knew I could attack without touching him. I wouldn't though; I had to see what I could do to help this child. I looked around at all the golden eyes staring at me. I needed a plan and I needed one quickly. Then I saw her and it became hard to focus.

She couldn't be older than seven years. I was struck by her eyes. They were a beautiful brown color; hazelnut mixed with a deeper chocolate color that just made you want to stare and never look away. Even more than that, her eyes were so understanding, like she knew exactly what was going on here. Her eyes had such an impossible depth that I had to look away from them before I got lost. I looked at the rest of her appearance. She was dressed in a black dress that reached the grass she was standing on. Her skin was pale, but had a slight flush to it. I could hear her heartbeat from where I stood; it disgusted me to think of what the vampires around her must be feeling. Hungry, I was sure. I tried not to think about her horrifying fate. I focused on the rest of her body. Her hair was an unusual reddish-brown color; the exact same unusual shade as Edward's. A thought nagged at the back of my mind, but I pushed it away. Impossible; I knew no one would be so careless.

There was a man standing behind the girl that I had never seen before. He wasn't a vampire, I could tell. He wasn't pale like them at all. He was extremely tall and stood over the little girl like a constant protector. I wondered where he fell in this very complicated situation. Maybe he was another victim to these vampires. I tried to smell him to identify what he was, but he was too far away. I could only smell the icy sweetness of the eight vampires still staring me down. I turned my attention back to them. I let out a low growl. All eight of them simultaneously dropped to a low crouch. I stepped forward, letting the air build up in my throat. Finally, I spoke the same words that had been flowing through my head since I had seen the small room in the small cottage.

"I will not let you hurt her," I growled through tight lips. Edward's eyes grew wide at my words. He looked confused about what I had said. His stance grew a bit less aggressive. His lips grew less tense and he stared at me with the same look he had on when we first met in the meadow. I stared back at him, my loathing expression unchanged. We stared each other down for a few seconds then a hand reached out and touched his shoulder. Bella stepped around him and looked at me cautiously. Apparently she hadn't forgotten our last encounter. Edward growled softly, but Bella kept moving towards me. She stopped a few feet from me.

"We would never hurt her. Please listen to us," she begged, her eyes pleading. Her words were rushed, like she was trying to get them out before I threw her against something again. I was seriously considering it, but held myself in check. I still didn't have a plan. I decided to let some of my hatred out. Maybe it would help me concentrate.

"You leeches are all alike. You're sick down to your very cores. How could you torment this girl? She's just a child! Shouldn't she be allowed to live a full life before you steal it from her to satisfy your disgusting hunger? You things _repulse_ me." My voice was quiet and dark. The other males of the group took a more aggressive stance. My tone must have told them that this would eventually come to a fight. Plus, I'm sure I also offended some of them; their faces looked vicious. I didn't mind; they just made me angrier. I had to at least take one of these bloodsuckers down before they got me. Maybe the female with the blonde hair I had hated so instinctually. I focused as Bella spoke again.

"Please, listen, we mean this child no harm. Please, please, I would never hurt her. Let us explain!" Her voice was pleading. The other vampires behind her seemed to want me to listen too. Well, I wasn't giving them what they wanted. I wouldn't hear any more lies. I crouched and prepared to spring. I saw the male near the back, the one with the blonde hair and scars, crouch to match me. I was ready to attack when Bella spoke again, very quickly. What she said nearly made me vomit.

"She's my daughter!" Bella's voice rang through the backyard. My eyes grew wide and I looked at the child again. It was impossible; vampire females could not have children. Yet there was something so similar in the child's hair color to Edward's. Still, it was impossible. My eyes narrowed at Bella and I growled. She quickly explained the rest of the story, each word becoming more and more unlikely. Yet, it explained everything.

"Please, Edward and I conceived her when I was still human! She grew inside of me and after she was born Edward changed me! Please, it's the truth! We would never hurt her!" Bella's eyes were wide, but not nearly as wide as mine. So, a vampire had made a child with this human, later changing her into one of his kind. Though it couldn't have been long ago; Bella's eyes were still tinted red from her recent change. Still, I knew this explanation made sense. I knew the coven could see the understanding cross my face; they all relaxed their stances, happy it seemed that this wouldn't come to a fight. I knew they thought I would be complacent with this new understanding. They thought I was glad to finally understand. They thought the danger had passed. They thought everything was fine.

They were dead wrong.

My eyes narrowed and my roar ripped through the meadow and I leapt at Edward, my teeth ready to tear his throat open.


	7. History

History

The vampires all reacted much faster than I thought they would. The blonde I had wanted to kill first grabbed the half-vampire child and ran into the house with her. The man who had been standing next to the child ran to the side of the house, disappearing around the corner. The rest of the company leapt forward to assist Edward. All of these movements were secondary to me. All I wanted was this male's death.

Unfortunately, he moved at the very last second, diving to the side, rolling out of my path. I hit the ground and flipped backwards to leap at him again, but Bella grabbed my shoulder. I growled, a low guttural sound and threw her off with a flick of my hand. She hadn't gotten a good grip to begin with; add that to the adrenaline coursing through my veins and she went flying backwards. I reached out an arm to grab Edward and rip him apart, but the blonde male with the scars grabbed me from behind and flung me backwards. I flipped in the air, lightly landing in a crouched position. The scarred one growled at me, a sound warning me to go no further. I had no time to fight these other creatures. They were inconsequential. Edward was going to die.

I reached my hand forward and pictured the blonde male lift off the ground. He did just that and I threw him to the side. I heard the bigger, muscled male roar. The very noise scared me, but I pushed the fear back. The huge vampire threw himself at me, attempting to pin me to the ground, but I pushed him back with my mind. No muscles could defend against the energy; he flew back with the same force as the scarred male. I turned my attention back to Edward. He had stood up by now and was looking at me. He didn't look angry; he still looked confused. I didn't take the time to consider it. My mind was completely clouded by the hatred that had festered for so long. This vampire was just on the receiving end of it all.

I leapt towards him, but he was ready this time. He grabbed me, carefully spun me around and pinned my arm to my back. He held me tightly; I couldn't move my upper body. I tried to spin around to throw him off me, but my torso was completely locked in his grip. I screamed and threw my free arm around to rip at his face. He ducked just out of my reach. Bella came up to hold my other arm, and I roared again and pictured her flying back. Her body did as my mind commanded. Edward's grip lessened as her body hit the ground; it loosened just enough for me to rip my arm free and throw him against the ground. I turned, my eyes searing into him. My lips parted and I was about to rip the pale flesh from his bones when something came flying towards me, hitting me on the chest, throwing me backwards. I felt the jumble of limbs pushing at me in the air, flying with me.

When we finally landed, I prepared to throw this new enemy from my body when I noticed the things holding me down. Paws. My eyes followed the legs on the paws up to the torso and face of my adversary. I was being pinned down by a giant wolf with red-brown fur. Bigger than any bear, this creature held my attention. I was shocked. I felt my breath come out in short bursts. I could feel myself starting to shake. _No, no, no, no, no_, my mind moaned. I had to calm down.

Edward and the scarred vampire took advantage of my momentary shock to grab my arms. They held me tightly against the ground, restricting me from moving at all. None of this was helping me calm down. I could feel myself shaking harder now. My mind had shut down; I couldn't concentrate. All I could feel was the shaking. I was desperate, my screaming ringing in my own ears. All I wanted was to be in the forest, running far, far away from here. Why had I come back? My body wouldn't stop shaking. I could feel the burning blood run through my veins. Tears streamed from my eyes and I let out one last scream. Then my body exploded.

My mind flew outwards, shoving the three bodies away from me. I rolled over onto my knees; the shaking had completely taken over now. I could feel my bones rearranging themselves. I couldn't stop it now. It was too late. I hated myself more than I ever had before. I just wanted one of these vampires to kill me. I could hear my growls turning into a whine. My body was flashing through the changes so fast I was sure it had to be almost over. My hatred for myself boiled over and I heard myself howl.

I looked around the small enclosure. Every single pair of eyes was on me, including the wolf's. I knew what they were seeing. The sun was glinting off my silver fur; my deep gray eyes staring back at them from the face of a giant wolf. My height matched the red-brown wolf's almost perfectly. I knew they would be staring at the thin black line of fur on my back that marred my otherwise perfect coat of starlight. I could feel the shock in their eyes. I wondered if they could feel the shame in mine.

The silence in the backyard had calmed me. I could feel myself settling; I could feel myself phasing back. I was quiet. They would kill me now, and I was glad. I deserved to die. I was a monster. I should never have been allowed to live in the first place. I was ready for death now.

When I resumed my human form, I noticed that, adding insult to injury, I wasn't wearing clothes. I looked at my feet, seeing the lump of black and blue cloth that was my previous outfit. I sighed and sat down on the ground bringing my knees up to my face, trying to retain some dignity. So much for dying honorably. Well, I deserved nothing more than this death. I should be humiliated. I closed my eyes and hated myself a little more.

I felt someone crouch down beside me. I opened my eyes, ready to stare death in the face and saw the vampire I had seen at the gas station that first day. This girl looked at me with wide, comforting eyes. I looked back at her, unsure of when my final moment would be, when she held out something towards me. It took me a second to identify what it was: a bathrobe. I looked questioningly at her and she wrapped the robe around my shoulders. She pulled me to my feet and looked directly into my eyes. Then she hugged me.

I gasped and pulled away. I stepped back few steps and looked around at the circle of vampires that had formed, with me as its center. They all looked at me each with a bit of curiosity, but mostly pity in their eyes. I growled at them; I didn't want pity. Still, their expressions remained the same. I shut my eyes and hated them silently. Still, even in the glare of their pity, I hated myself more.

Edward finally stepped forward, just slightly, and spoke.

"Who are you?" His eyes were confused, frustrated, pitiful, sad, angry, every emotion I could think of mixed into one. His golden eyes were trying to reach down into my soul, I could tell. I knew he couldn't though; my soul was too black. You couldn't see anything in the darkness that resided inside me. I looked around the circle. Seven vampires, one werewolf in human form. I could see the blonde female staring at me from one of the windows of the huge house, the vampire child at her side. I couldn't get away. I knew I didn't have to speak either. Yet, something pushed my voice forward. Something inside me _wanted_ to tell this story. I couldn't imagine why. I closed my eyes, sighing as I began to relay my sickening life.


	8. Stories

Stories

"My name is Iris", I began, pausing to swallow my pride and build my confidence. I had hid from this story for so long. Now it was threatening to swallow me alive. I wouldn't let it.

"I was born in New York almost 80 years ago. My father was a vampire completely obsessed with power. He'd heard a rumor about a Native American runaway who was a direct descendent from a shape shifter tribe. My father became obsessed with her; he wanted to see her amazing talent for himself. He began stalking her, watching her every move. He obsessed over her for months, growing frustrated to find that she was nothing more than a human. He had failed to find something special in her. He was furious at wasting all his time." I looked around to take in the faces of my audience. They were all chiseled stone; they were all just waiting for the rest. I continued on.

"Finally he decided that he was not going to let his time go to waste. One night he caught her walking back to her home. He overpowered her and took her back to his dwelling. She was a plaything; he abused her mentally and physically. She would satisfy his need for pleasure whenever he felt like it. He kept her living in a constant hell, fully assuming he would feed on her when she grew too boring. She never did though; her fear of him fed his ego, keeping her alive.

"Then she realized she was pregnant. I can only assume she told my father the information in an attempt to appeal to his compassion. It made no difference. He treated her exactly the same, but was ecstatic about the baby. He assumed he had made a new breed; I was no more than a science experiment to him.

"I turned out to be quite interesting in the beginning. I had the opposite growth pattern to your" – I paused, my eyes flicking to the half vampire – "child. I grew extremely slowly.

"It took me nearly a year and a half to leave the womb and even when I was born, I was very small, and very weak. My birth couldn't have been less of a disappointment to my father. I was supposed to be his new breed, but I could barely lift my arms. He blamed the failure on my mother, abusing her worse than before. Neither of my parents bothered with me. To my father, I was a disappointment the moment I was born. To my mother, I was a constant reminder of the hell in which she lived. I was left on the bed I was born on, forgotten.

"For a long time, things continued to progress the way they had before I was born. My father continued to have his fun and my mother suffered. However, a few years after I was born, after I had fully developed into an infant, my father gained interest in me again. I had been left alone for years without food or care, yet I grew stronger every day. It was an impossibility. Still, I exhibited no special properties other than my ability to survive. My father probably assumed my mother snuck in to feed me every so often. He decided to teach her a lesson. He decided to kill me, to take away the one thing that might matter to her.

"He pulled her into my 'room' and forced her to watch as he took a long knife and attempted to cut my stomach open." I heard a gasp from behind me and I saw the oldest female vampire widen her eyes and clench her hands together staring at my stomach. The eldest male, the authority figure here, wrapped his arm around her, quieting her. He nodded to me. I just shrugged and went on.

"The knife didn't leave a scratch. My skin had become as durable as any vampire's. My father was overjoyed. It was after this night that he began his tests. That was also the last night my mother came out of her room.

"The tests were brutal, but I felt none of them. The first tests he performed tested my skin. He attacked me with anything he could find, from a hammer to a butcher's knife. Nothing left even a bruise.

"He also tested my durability to temperature. He would put me in ovens of varying degrees. It didn't matter how hot; I could survive them all. It was the same with freezers. I would always remain the same temperature, never varying even by a point of a degree.

"Still my father was not satisfied. So far I was only a vampire, just with a beating heart and a warmer temperature. He had wanted me to be far more powerful. He was extremely frustrated. He decided he wanted to see me bleed, to see if I could. He knew from his tests that he couldn't cut me in any common way. There was really only one thing that could cut me." I paused, trying to catch my breath. I could feel myself starting to shake again, but I took a deep breath to calm myself. I looked to the sky and began the rest of my story.

"I remember this night clearly. Physically, I was probably four or five years old. I remember the look in his eyes as he entered my room. I remember his satisfaction as he told me to lie on my stomach. I remember the smile on his face as he realized I was, for the first time in my life, terrified. I did as he asked, shaking from head to toe. I remember his icy breath on the small of my back as I closed my eyes. And I remember the pain shooting through me as his teeth tore a thin line of skin from across my back. I remember screaming as the venom from his teeth mixed with the blood pouring from my back. Then I remember the pain suddenly stopping. I remember his gasp of joy as I felt along my back at the now healed wound. My father was so happy; he thought this was my power – an extraordinary one – to heal myself instantly.

"Well, he continued his daily tests for years. He would continue trying to cut me with common objects, and they would do no good. My temperature continued to withstand his tests. My healing ability sated him for awhile, but soon he grew bored of it. He wanted so much more

"It was 25 years after my birth that I finally saw my mother again. I was fully a toddler and my father had been doing his normal tests when my mother opened her door. I remember jumping in surprise; as I said, she hadn't left that room in 20 years. My father took absolutely no notice, continuing to press a hot iron to my arm. I remember her walking directly from her bedroom to the front door, opening it and stepping out. I remember silently wishing, begging her to look at me. I was her child. I wanted her to look at me with a loving desperation, promising with her eyes that she would come back someday and take me away from here. I wanted her to tell me we could leave and be a normal family together. I knew she would care for me; that she would never just desert me.

"She did finally turn around to look at me. I remember staring with wide eyes, ready to be loved. I found no love in her eyes. Only hate; intense loathing. She looked at me like I was a monster. Her eyes promised only that she would hate me forever. I remember seeing only that hate as she turned and closed the door without a word.

"My father never moved. I remember turning back to him and pushing the hot iron farther into my skin. I _wanted_ it to burn. Every day I wanted a knife to cut me; I wanted it to cut me so deeply that I would never have the chance to heal. I began to realize I hated one thing more than my father: myself. I was an abomination. I knew nothing of the world outside the door, but I knew it was an offense to all that I was alive.

"My reaction to my mother's departure wasn't lost on my father. He knew he had leverage to push me further. He still hoped I had more power in me than we knew. My father sensed I hadn't let everything go yet. He was right.

"Ten years after my mother left, my father decided to put his theories to the test. He thought that some strong emotion may provoke something inside me. It was the dead of the night when he pulled me into the center of the main room and threw me to the floor. He began _screaming_ at me, calling me a failure and a disappointment. Nothing he said affected me; I had heard it all before. Then he smiled, a sadistic, twisted smile I will never forget, and began to talk about my mother.

"He told me how happy she was before he came along. She had been living a prosperous life in New York; it was _my_ fault he sought her out at all. If it hadn't been for my conception maybe she could have just run from him. Maybe he would have just let her go.

"I knew deep down that this wasn't true. He had sought her out for his own pleasure; I was merely a sadistic perk for him. Still the hate in my mother's eyes burned me to the core. I was a monster; maybe her life _would_ have improved without me. My father continued to tell me how my mother might have loved him before I came along, I had ruined her only chance at happiness.

"I could feel the anger and hatred build inside me. My father was feeding me lies and my mind was feasting on them. I wanted only two things in the one instant: first, my father's death, then my own. I remember my body shaking so terribly. Finally I felt something in my body snap. Two things happened simultaneously.

"First, my father's body flew backwards and slammed into the brick wall behind him. The noise of the collision was amplified by the pressure in my head. I could barely concentrate as I felt my body shifting. My bones were rearranging themselves of their own accord. I was terrified; my body wouldn't obey any of my commands. I felt myself fall to my knees and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Then finally my body stopped moving. I opened my eyes and I felt my stance had changed. I was on my feet, but I couldn't remember standing up. My father was still laying against the wall, but his eyes were so wide, filled to the brim with joy and _pride_. His expression scared me more than anything ever had. My worst fear was that someday I may make my father proud. He didn't deserve to be happy. I finally looked at myself to see what had happened. My scream came out as a howl.

"I had phased. I could see my silver fur covering my," – I cringed – "paws. I realized I had finally grown into what my father always wanted me to be. His eyes were so proud, so very happy. _One of a kind_, he had whispered. His words cut me worse than his teeth ever could. I did the only thing I could think of. It's all I've ever done since; I ran.

"The streets were dark and empty that night. I had never seen the outside of my house before; I was amazed that it was darker out here than it had been in the small structure that had passed for my home for so long. It never occurred to me before, but no one had ever come to our house. 40 years and not a single visitor; that had never seemed odd before. Now that I was outside though I saw why. My father lived in a squalid corner of the city, our house surrounded on all sides by ones that looked just like it, decrepit and dirty. It amazed me that anyone other than my family could live that way. It still amazes me.

"I remember running through the streets fearing that my father would be right behind me. I was faster than him though and he couldn't track my scent. I wove in and out of back streets just trying to find somewhere to hide. I remember running by dark window after dark window thankful that no one was awake to see me run. I couldn't imagine a human's reaction to a giant wolf running through the city streets, but attention was not what I needed at that point. I didn't slow down and I tried to head in the same direction, but the streets were a maze of confusion. I couldn't tell where I was going; I just kept moving forward.

"Eventually I ran onto the city dock and saw a line of warehouses opposite the water. I kept to the shadows and climbed in a broken window of one of the warehouses. I crawled into a corner and curled up, wrapping my body around itself. Then I waited. I kept my breathing as slow as I could, expecting my father to find me at any second. It took me hours but after a while I calmed myself enough to ease back into my human form. I was cold and terrified, but sat still and never made a sound. I stayed awake all night expecting the next second to be the one when my father found me. He never did. The sun eventually peeked over the horizon and I knew I was safe for the day, at least. I knew my father never left the house during the day; it wasn't until later that I found out why.

"I knew that I had only until dusk to make my escape from the city. I knew I couldn't walk around without clothes; that wasn't how children usually walked around. So I climbed all over the boxes piled all over the warehouse and searched each of the boxes contents. Eventually I found a box full of clothes that some family was storing; it was pure luck that it contained some small girl's clothing. I put on the first warm outfit I found and left the warehouse.

"Some passenger boat was leaving harbor that day, so I waited until no one was watching and snuck aboard. I hid in an empty cabin under the deck and never moved. I don't know how long I sat in that one room, bouncing back and forth with the rocking of the boat. I was tired, so tired, but I never closed my eyes. No one ever entered the room and I never left it. For days upon days I sat waiting for the rocking to stop. I stared at the white wall opposite me and tried not to think about what I was running from. I refused to picture either of my parents. It was on this very long boat ride that I began to make myself forget where I came from. I wanted to forget what I was. I wanted my first memory to be staring at those white walls of that small rocking cabin. But 40 years of memories are not easy to erase.

"The boat did finally stop. I didn't know how long had passed, but it didn't matter much to me. I eventually left my room and went above deck. The boat was docked and everyone was leaving. I followed the mass of people, none of them giving me a second thought. I looked like a normal child following their family onto the dock; it was almost amusing at how wrong they all were.

"Once I stepped onto the wooden boards of the dock I turned to look again at the ship that had carried away from my past, the boat that had saved my life. _The Iris_ it was called. It wasn't a huge ship, nor had it been very comfortable. Yet it was my salvation and I worshipped it and its crew. I owed it everything I had.

"On the dock I heard mothers calling to their children, yelling their names sternly, commanding them to their sides. I had never been named; there really wasn't a point to doing it. Naming me would have been admitting that I was a person, someone worthy of distinction. It wasn't until later, much later, that I needed to actually give someone my name. Still the name of that glorious ship had stuck with me. When I was asked my name, I had lied and said Iris. It was the first thing I had thought of and it seemed fitting. If I could give that ship anything it was to name a living being after it. It wasn't worth much; I was a monster after all. Still, it seemed to fit.

"I started running almost immediately. As soon as I left the view of the general population I took off into the forest. At that moment, it didn't really matter where I was or which way I ran; I just kept running. I got hungry eventually; I ate whatever I could find. Mostly I would stop into a town very quickly and steal some bread; it was the easiest to carry, so I stuck to that mostly. I drank whatever water I found find in the forests. It didn't matter much to me. I just kept running. And I've been running ever since."

I stopped talking; the silence sounded odd after I had been speaking for so long. The vampires all stood staring at me, each one of them now horrified. That kind of amused me. My story had scared these evil creatures of the night. How bad did that make me? _Bad enough_, my mind answered.

Edward looked like he was going to cry. He opened his mouth to ask me something, seemed to think better of it and shut it again. The oldest female of the group was still clenching her hands and teeth. She looked like she might faint, if that had been possible. She saw me look at her and her eyes filled to the brim with compassion. She looked up to the male at her side with a look of pure pleading. He didn't look at her; his eyes stayed locked on my rooted form. He looked unsure of what to do or say. Finally Bella stepped forward and spoke.

"Iris," she said, pronouncing my 'name' with uncertainty. "Thank you. Please, I know this is difficult for you, but please listen. We mean you no harm at all. We understand now, and we want you to stay with us." At these words all the vampires' heads spun to stare at her. She didn't return any of their shocked gazes; her eyes were locked solely on mine.

"Even if Carlisle would rather you not stay in his house, Edward and I would be honored to have you stay in ours. We will bring in a bed for you and can feed and keep you clothed. Please, Iris, please accept this invitation. I desperately want you to stay with us." Her voice was hard and serious. Her eyes dug into mine. She left no room for compromise. The idea she was proposing was ridiculous; I couldn't live with a vampire coven. This was the exact thing I had run from in the first place. Still, my mind saw something in her eyes and I found myself nodding before I knew what I was doing. Bella smiled at me and walked forward and hugged me tightly. I stood solid and didn't move.

Over her shoulder, I could see Edward was still staring at me in shock.


	9. Family

Family

I looked around the huge room the vampires had put me in. It was filled to the brim with CDs and had a huge black stereo in the corner. I inspected the CDs; there were so many of them and they were in no particular order. I took one out of its slot and inspected it. Some 50s CD. I hated 50s music; I scoffed and put it back in the wall. I heard a snicker from behind me. I turned around and saw the small brown haired female vampire I had seen at the gas station. She was leaning against the door frame smiling at me. I stared back, emotionless. I wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm really glad Carlisle let you stay," she said finally. I absorbed her words and thought back to earlier that afternoon.

After Bella had announced that I would stay in her house, the male leader, Carlisle apparently, had stepped forward. He had suggested that it would be more _prudent_ for me to stay in his house. He had muttered something about there being an extra room already equipped with a bed, but it was clear what he meant by the suggestion. If I changed my mind and attempted to kill this coven then six vampires would be more a match for me than two vampires and a half-vampire child. The bigger house just offered more defense for the family. I was still a huge threat. I could tell Carlisle really didn't want me to stay at all. Still, Bella's eyes had never wavered. She agreed to let me stay in the big house and had personally walked me up to this room and made sure I was comfortable. I could hear her downstairs now, quietly murmuring to someone. I couldn't pick out what she was saying, but it sounded like arguing. Most likely about me. Everyone but she seemed to realize this was a bad idea, including me. What was I doing sitting on this ridiculous bed? I sighed and slumped my shoulders. The vampire in my doorway seemed to know what I was thinking.

"You belong here, you know. I know it seems unbelievable now, but you really will fit in perfectly. Trust me, I know." She winked with her last sentence and smiled a sly grin at me. I stared at her, dumbfounded, with no idea what she was talking about. She didn't seem to be in the mood to fill me in, so I didn't press it. I really did not want to tick any of these bloodsuckers off. There were just too many.

"By the way, I'm Alice. It's really nice to finally get to properly introduce myself." She stuck her hand out in front of her with a quick movement. I started; I was thrown off balance. I was just as quick, if not quicker, than this vampire, but her attitude had me disconcerted. This whole situation had me disconcerted for that matter. I finally picked up my arm from my side and shook her hand. She smiled and turned and danced out the door. I watched her in amazement; this coven was too odd. I closed my eyes and fell back onto the bed. My head was beginning to spin. I couldn't quite keep my thoughts in order.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I made myself aware of my surroundings; I really didn't want any more vampires sneaking up on me. It was bad enough to be in a house full of them, surrounded by their scent. I didn't need them shocking me to death. I laid on the bed for a few minutes in complete silence, listening to the murmur of the TV downstairs and to the footsteps of the vampires. Each set of steps was graceful, yet they all sounded different; I could easily pick out Alice's dancing gait. Discerning between the distinct rhythms, I could tell all eight vampires were in the house now. I sighed; this was the most reckless thing I had ever done. I couldn't relax in this house. How long would it be until my anxiety caused me to run out of the house, screaming with insanity? Not long, judging by the tension in my muscles.

I heard one of them come up the stairs to the third floor and stop outside my door. I stood up quickly and waited for them to enter the doorway. Bella came rounding the corner of my doorway and smiled when she saw me. She seemed to be comforting me, sensing I was feeling extremely out of place. I wanted to tell her that her smile was not helping; it was too odd to see a vampire being compassionate. I kept my thoughts to myself.

"So, you have got to be hungry," she said, still smiling. "Would you like to come downstairs and get something to eat?"

I wanted to stay right here, in the only room in the house I felt even remotely comfortable. I knew I was hungry; I could feel the hunger clawing at my muscles. Yet that really wasn't enough to make me move. I could go hungry for days, months, years. It would be uncomfortable, but it would mean I would never have to leave this room. Seven vampires waited downstairs to see me again. I did not want to be the object of their glares. I had been so good at being invisible. In any town, in any country, I could blend in. Yet here I was the center of attention, the curiosity of me burning in my audience's eyes. It made me feel sick. I wanted to leave. But Bella was still staring at me, awaiting my answer. Just as she had in the backyard earlier today. I knew from experience that she wouldn't take no for an answer. I nodded and glumly followed her down the steps to the kitchen.

As we entered the huge entryway, my worst fears were proved correct. The vampires were all there, staring wide eyed at me. I saw Bella glare at them all in one swift glance around the room and they lowered their eyes. Well, most of them did. Edward still stared at me with a confused expression. Bella's eyes lingered on his, but he refused to drop his gaze. She sighed and led me into the kitchen area.

It was huge and filled with expensive appliances. The stoves and ovens looked like they belonged in a five star restaurant. I couldn't stifle my laugh. This was too weird. What did vampires need these things for? Their diet didn't really necessitate any real preparation. Bella turned back to me and smiled at my laugh. She always seemed to know what I was thinking.

"I know. You're right to laugh. Odd, right? Well, we do need to keep up appearances. Plus, Jacob spends a lot of time here, and he obviously needs to eat." She turned and walked to the giant chrome refrigerator and opened it, looking inside. I wondered who Jacob was, and why he would be spending a lot of time here. Then I remembered the huge man I had seen standing over the vampire child and the werewolf who had come to Edward's rescue and ultimately caused my breakdown. I figured that must be his name. I wondered why he spent so much time with this family, and cared so much for them. It was my understanding that the two races were not anywhere near friendly with each other. I figured this mystery would be explained eventually. I hoped all the mysteries of this very strange family would eventually be clear to me. I was uneasy in the face of all this doubt.

Bella was pulling out a bunch of ingredients from the freezer. She began piling pots and pans on the counter and started to cut up vegetables and throw them in the pots. She was adding spices and setting the pots on the stove before I realized she was cooking all this for me. I finally spoke up.

"Um, do you have any bread?" My voice was very quiet. I felt ashamed. I was terrified of these creatures and my cautiousness obviously hurt Bella. She wanted me to be comfortable. I wished I could tell her I never could be. Then I could leave. I wanted to leave so badly.

Bella turned to me and her eyes were so soft. She smiled a very small smile and pulled a loaf of bread from out of a cabinet. She set it down for me and handed me a plate. I tried to smile at her, but I'm sure it came out as a grimace. I stood at the corner of the counter and slowly took small bites out of the loaf. The bread was helping calm me; I could feel some sense reaching into my brain. Maybe now all I needed was a good sleep. I was very tired, which made thinking that much harder. I looked at the chairs surrounding a nearby table. Bella laughed a small chuckle and put her arms around my shoulders. I stiffened, but she ignored me. She led me to the table and pushed me down in one of the chairs. She put my measly bread back in front of me and turned away. She busied herself with something at the sink while I continued to take very small bites of the bread.

I heard another set of footsteps approach the kitchen. I put down the bread and pushed my chair back and stood up. It was an instinctual reaction; I needed to be ready if anything came to a fight. Then I realized I was in a house full of vampires, calmly eating at their kitchen table. If anything was going to come to a fight, I was pretty sure they wouldn't have me breaking bread with them first. I sat back down, but still kept my eyes on the door. I had to start recognizing these creatures' faces.

The eldest female came through the door. I had gathered from the relationship she had with Carlisle that this was probably his mate. She seemed so motherly; an instinct that must have come from her human days. She gave Bella a small smile when she entered the room, then her eyes locked on mine. She gave me an even bigger smile that I just wasn't able to return. Her face softened and she came and stood next to me. She looked at my meal and stared horrified at Bella.

"Bella!" She yelled the name, shocked. Bella raised her eyebrows at her.

"What's wrong, Esme?" Bella looked worried, twisting to look behind Esme at me. She seemed confused to see my face, just as perplexed as she was. She looked back at Esme who was beginning to become furious.

"Bella, I expected so much better from you! Why are you treating this poor girl like some sort of prisoner? She is our guest! A guest that I hope will someday become one of our family." With the last comment she turned and smiled down at me. "Please," she said, her eyes focused on my meal, "let me get you something more suitable to eat."

I looked up and stuttered my way through my refusal. "This is all I want, thanks," was all I could coherently say.

Esme looked at me doubtfully, and looked back to Bella. Bella just shrugged her shoulders and went back to cleaning something in the sink. Esme sat down at the table a few seats away from me, keeping her distance to help me feel comfortable. It was a kind gesture. My heart skipped a few beats. This woman barely knew me, but she was already caring about my comfort. The idea made my eyes become too wet. I looked down and continued eating.

I eventually filled myself up on bread and Bella gave me a cup of water, which I downed immediately. I had been so thirsty, but I hadn't even noticed. She smiled at me and I actually managed a smile back. The gesture was so foreign to me that I was subconsciously proud that I had pulled it off. Esme seemed overjoyed, her face lit up with contentment. She stood up and walked very slowly to my side, again trying to keep me comfortable. I smiled again, and her smile doubled.

"Come, let's get you upstairs. You must be exhausted!" She stepped back and I followed her. I was exhausted. Sleeping would clear my head completely. Then I might be able to think out this decision to stay here more sanely. I had a feeling that once my nap was complete, I would bolt out the door. Maybe that was the best thing to do. Still, a part of me regretted thinking it. _It would really hurt Esme_, my mind thought. I surprised myself. If I was worrying about the feelings of a _vampire_ then I really was too tired for my own good.

We entered the entryway and I knew immediately that I was not going to be allowed to sleep. Carlisle stood at the base of the stairs, blocking our way, his eyes blazing with questions. Edward was right beside him, his eyes full of the same searing curiosity. The rest of the family was settled all around the room; subtly, but not subtly enough, blocking all my exits. I closed my eyes and sincerely wished I had never left the room upstairs. Sating my hunger wasn't worth the inquisition that was sure to follow; not by a long shot. I sighed and Esme's eyes grew wide with anger. Her voice was more vicious than I had ever heard it.

"Carlisle," she started, her voice coated in harsh warning. "Carlisle, she's exhausted. Don't do this. I won't let you." Her voice faltered on the last sentence. I could tell she didn't stand up to this man very often. She really wasn't very good with confrontation. Carlisle's eyes softened when he looked at her, but his stance never loosened. He wasn't letting me go anywhere. That was clear. Esme sighed and looked at me, begging my forgiveness. I nodded to her and she walked to sit by Alice. I stared at Carlisle and he stared back at me, unease in his eyes. I sighed. In a house of vampires, I was still the monster. My jaw locked together and I stood very still, not giving anything up. I had already told them my entire history, opening my mind to these strange creatures I barely knew. What more did they want from me?

"We would just like to ask you a few questions, Iris," Carlisle said, his voice tinged with unease and doubt. He didn't want to be asking me questions, he really just wanted me to leave. He didn't want me to start a fight, I could tell. Well, why not give them what they wanted? If they thought I was a monster, I might as well make this more difficult for them. Then they could hate me for the right reasons.

"No." My voice was hard and low, laced with stubborn confidence. "I don't owe you any answers."

Carlisle's eyes grew wide and unbelieving. Esme went to stand between us, but Alice's hand held her back. Bella entered the room at my answer and stood in the doorway, not sure what to do. If this came to a fight, who would she protect?

Carlisle recovered himself and, for the first time, smiled ever so slightly at me. My confident façade faltered; I thought he was going to kick me out of the house and I would have been free to run. This smile was not what I had expected. Still, it remained on his face, his teeth showing ever so slightly through his upturned lips. When he spoke, his voice had softened.

"Forgive me. I know this is as uncomfortable for you as it is for us. I know I'm being awfully demanding while giving you nothing back in return." My mind questioned his words as he spoke. He was giving me a lot actually. He gave me a place to sleep, clothes to wear, food to eat. What was he asking for in return? Information he needed to make sure his family was safe. My mind mocked my stubborn prejudice. I was acting like a child, throwing a temper tantrum. I refused to see the logic in his request. I was acting like a fool. All these people wanted to do was help me; it was me who was making everything so difficult. I swallowed my pride and stubborn attitude. I owed them an explanation.

Carlisle seemed to sense what I was thinking. We were still standing at the foot of the stairs, only a foot from each other, but our attitudes had changed. His stance had relaxed, and my form was much less rigid. Edward was still at his shoulder, ready to pounce if anything happened between us. His face was still tense in confusion. I seemed to be some puzzle he couldn't figure out. Well, I would try and give him the answers he needed to figure me out. I owed this family that.

Carlisle stepped forward and gestured to a comfortable armchair facing the rest of the family. I nodded and took the seat. He put a hand on Edward's shoulder and led him to a couch on the other side of the room. Edward sat down and his gaze returned to me, expectant. He seemed to nod at Carlisle, as though he was answering some question I hadn't heard. No one seemed to take notice. I put it from my mind and focused on Carlisle when I spoke.

"What would you like to know?" The question was dangerous; it left them open to explore my whole history, but I reminded myself that I owed it to them. Carlisle smiled at my open question, but he started with an easy one.

"Do you know who either of your parents were?" His eyes held caution, hoping the mention of my upbringing wouldn't set me off. I kept still, calm. My past no longer caused me inner turmoil.

"No," I answered. "I never found their names or a record of my birth, of course. I haven't seen either of my parents since I left my home. I can only assume that my mother is dead." _And I can only hope my father was killed_, I thought. I didn't add this last part out loud.

Carlisle nodded, expecting this. He asked another easy one.

"Are we the first vampires you've ever encountered, other than your father?" I can't believe he didn't know the answer to this, but I guessed he didn't want to assume anything. My face tightened slightly. I wasn't sure what exactly to tell them. How much would be too much? I figured I would tell them everything and let them react how they would. It was only fair.

"No, I saw the first vampire just after I left the boat. I had been running for only a few days when I ran into him. I knew very little about your kind, only what I could observe from my father. I knew that when his eyes were dark, he would leave and feed and come back satisfied. This vampire's eyes were dark, just like my father's had been. I knew immediately to be on my guard. The vampire never spoke, he just heard the blood pumping in my veins and lunged at me. I dodged him, but he kept pursuing me. I ran, but he followed. Eventually I had no choice. I ripped him apart with my mind and escaped. After that, it didn't take very long for me to run into my first nomadic clan. All my encounters ended pretty similarly. After a while I learned how to sense and avoid your kind. Though, once when I sensed some vampires near, I did take the time to observe them. I figured it would be prudent for me to learn more about my enemy. Since they were unable to sense my presence, it was fairly easy to learn a good deal about your species. I listened until they had no more to say and I left. Since then I have been pretty adept at avoiding your kind. That is, until recently," I added, nodding my head at Edward and Bella. Carlisle smiled, nodding. I wondered if he was angry about my previous killings of his brethren. If he was, it never showed. He just continued on to his next question.

"That brings us to the question of your gift. You mentioned earlier that it came to you in bursts of emotion. How did you develop it?" His tone was nonchalant, as though we were discussing the weather. This conversation had officially disconcerted me again; I wondered if I would ever feel comfortable with these creatures. I looked down as I spoke.

"I didn't really develop it. After that first time, it's always come rather naturally, like breathing or running. All I have to do is think about what I want, and it happens. Almost instantaneously, actually. I've never really had to concentrate on it at all."

Carlisle was impassive. He continued on. "And to what extent can it be used?"

I thought about that for a second, decoding the question. I finally settled on the information I assumed he wanted.

"It can be used on objects of any size. From a grain of sand to the tallest skyscraper. Everything responds to my command." I felt like I was bragging; that was certainly something I never intended on doing. I felt ashamed, and ducked my head a little farther. Carlisle was silent for a second, so I looked up. He was looking at Edward. Edward was staring at me. Finally, it was Edward, not Carlisle, who asked me a question.

"Why can't I read your thoughts?" The question made my eyes fly open. Read my thoughts? Was that what he had been trying to do this whole time? No wonder he was so frustrated! To be honest, I had no idea how to answer his question. It was information I just didn't know. I figured honesty was the best policy.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I never knew you were trying."

Edward sat, still confused, frustrated more than ever. Bella shifted uncomfortably, and I looked to her. She seemed angry about something, but I couldn't imagine what. It wasn't my fault that her mate couldn't read me. I don't know what she wanted me to do about it. I turned back to Carlisle as he took another breath to speak.

"It's quite an oddity, actually, Iris. Edward has never failed to read someone before, expect once. And even that became clear in time. You, on the other hand, seem to exert no special shield, and you're affected by all of our family's gifts. Just not Edward's. Perhaps, later…" He paused, his eyes looking into mine. He seemed to change his mind and changed the subject. "Well, that is neither here nor there. We'll leave it at that for now." He smiled and asked his next question.

"Now, to the subject of your scent. You must know how unique it is. Is there an explanation to it?"

I smiled at him; a small, sad smile. "Yes, I'm aware. My father counted it as one of my gifts." My scent, the scent of nothing. It was more an absence of scent beyond anything else. Completely untraceable. My father used to tell me I smelled like nothing because I was worth nothing. I didn't share that particular theory with this family.

"I can only assume my scent developed this way because of my parents. They were two distinct, almost opposite, species. The combination of the two of them caused something neutral to develop in me. I use this explanation to explain my body temperature as well. Neither cold, nor hot. Neutral." This was the best theory I had. I hoped it would pass Carlisle's inspection. He seemed to think for a few minutes and then smiled.

"Perceptive. It seems possible. Probable, even." He became lost in his thoughts once more. After another minute, his eyes focused again and he smiled.

"Thank you, Iris. For being so cooperative. Now, I believe, it's our turn to share our own stories." He turned to Edward and held out his hand, indicating the youngest, stoic male.

"Edward, of course, you already know. His gift is reading minds, which, of course, you know as well." Then he pointed to the doorway of the kitchen, indicating Bella.

"And Bella you also know. She is the most recent addition to our family. She and Edward developed a relationship while she was still human. They had Renesmee, their child, and in the process, Edward changed Bella. She has a mental shielding power, which she can share with those around her." Bella smiled at me. I just stared at her. Edward had began a relationship with her while she was _human_? How was that even possible? Carlisle moved on before I had the chance to speak. He indicated the blonde female and her enormous mate.

"This is Rosalie and Emmett. I personally changed Rosalie myself, and she found Emmett on the verge of death. She brought him to me, and I changed him as well." Rosalie looked at me carefully, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking. She looked halfway between hating and pitying me. Emmett just looked amused and anxious; he seemed to be eager for a rematch between the two of us. I sincerely hoped he was being playful, not spiteful. Carlisle moved onto the next couple, Alice and the blonde male standing behind her.

"I believe you and Alice have already been introduced. Behind her is Jasper. They both have unique gifts. Alice can see the future and Jasper can manipulate your emotions. Both abilities have helped save our family many times before," he added, pride shining in his eyes as he looked at the two of them. Jasper continued to stare at me, his face unreadable. Alice grinned at me and winked. _What an odd couple_, I thought. The two seemed polar opposites of each other.

"And this is my wife, Esme. She acts as the mother figure for our family here. She keeps us all under control," he laughed. Esme looked at me and smiled. Her eyes were always so full of compassion. I felt eternally grateful to her for the comfort she had already offered me in this very strange situation.

"And, of course, the child you met earlier is Renesmee, Edward and Bella's extraordinary daughter. She has the power of conveying her memories to you. An interesting communication form, if I may say so. You'll properly meet her later, I'm sure. At the moment she is out with Jacob. He is, as I'm sure you've guessed, a shape shifter. He is as much a part of the family as any other person in this room." He smiled at the word _family_. He seemed to really enjoy the companionship this coven shared with each other. I couldn't hold back my question.

"How does he stand to be here? As far as I knew, your races do not get along." I didn't want to be rude, but this relationship seemed so impossible. To my surprise, Carlisle smiled.

"It is quite a long story, one I'm sure you'll hear in your time with us. Jacob has a special relationship with Renesmee. He and Bella were quite close when she was human and when she had her child, he…" Carlisle paused, trying to find the right words, "he _bonded_ with her." Bella stiffened and Carlisle smiled apologetically at her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into the kitchen, muttering softly to herself. Alice laughed and followed her. Esme smiled at me and stood.

"I'm sure you have many questions for us," she said, smiling at my perplexed eyes. "There will be time to answer them all. For now though, you should get some rest. You've had a hard day." She began to climb the stairs and I stood up. I looked around the room, at the eight strange vampires surrounding me and sighed. I followed her to the stairs. She said they would answer my questions in time. I would hold them to that.

We reached my room and Esme stepped back to let me in. I sat down on the bed and she smiled at me, closing the door behind her to offer me some privacy. I stretched over the giant bed and felt sleep push itself on top of me. I couldn't fight it, and I didn't want to. My eyes closed and eight strange vampires stared at me through the darkness. My last thought before the darkness swallowed me was of one word. It rang through my head and sang me to sleep, lulling me into complete sincere comfort.

_Family._


	10. Siblings

Siblings

I wasn't sure how long I slept for. When I woke, the sun was streaming into the room, falling across my body. The blankets were still under me; I had fallen asleep on top of them last night. My body was stiff so I sat up and stretched my arms above my head. My back arched and I felt instantly better. I yawned, threw my legs over the side of the bed and walked to the huge window that acted as one of the bedroom walls. The window overlooked the vast backyard; the green of the trees and grass shimmering brightly in the intense sunlight. I was glad to see the sun; it felt like I had been living in a dull version of the world, the clouds always covering the bright rays.

As I looked over the lawn, I saw Bella exit the forest near the river. Her skin was shining with a million lights as she stepped into the sun. She stopped and leaned down, lowering something off her back. I recognized the small child I had seen yesterday. Renesmee. I felt an odd mix of emotions swirl inside me. There were so many and they flew so fast that I couldn't get a good grasp of what they were. The girl looked up to the sky, blinking the sun out of her eyes. Her mother took her hand and led her to the house. I turned away from the window and sat back down on the bed. _Now what_, my mind asked. I wasn't sure how to answer.

I looked around the room, my eyes scanning over the CDs and stereo and black leather sofa sitting opposite from me. I wondered who lived in this room before me. It seemed odd, a room containing a bed in a house full of creatures that couldn't sleep. I wondered what had happened to its past inhabitant. Why weren't they still here? Had they been uncomfortable too? Had they felt like they hadn't really fit in here? I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how I would explain that I was leaving to Esme, or Bella. They both seemed so intent on me becoming one of this odd family's members. I still hadn't necessarily decided that I was going to leave. But I definitely hadn't decided to stay. I sighed in frustration; I didn't know _what_ to do. I wished I was still running through the forest, completely on my own, no decisions to make, other than when I should eat. I had been so much happier then. Or had I?

I wouldn't let the thought fully develop in my mind, but somewhere deep down I knew I enjoyed this. From the beginning I had just wanted a family. People to share my thoughts and emotions and fears with. People I could bond to. In my years of running I had attempted to repress the desire for companionship; I had thought that there wasn't a family in the world that would ever want me. Yet, here I was. If I left now, I knew I would regret it soon. Still, this was unnatural. I thought I would never find a family who would accept me because I knew no family _should_ accept me. I should never have existed. I couldn't allow for comforts like friends. Or family.

I stood up, still frustrated. I tried to distract myself by examining the giant CD collection again. My fingers scanned over the cases sticking out of the wall. I hadn't had a lot of time to listen to music over the years; running through forests form town to town didn't give me a very good environment to get a musical background. Once I had felt safe enough to settle into different towns for long enough though, I would hear songs playing from car radios and CD players in people's rooms. I gathered some knowledge of music that way. My fingers would stop every now and then and pick out an artist I recognized. I would look over the case and put it back. I wondered who could own this many CDs; it would take you years to listen to all this music. I pulled out two different CDs and looked them over. I had never heard of either of the bands; some obscure underground bands from the 80s. I rolled my eyes; I bet the person who owned these was pretentious. Their CD collection sure was. I shoved the two CDs back into the wall. Then I heard an annoyed sigh from the doorway. I turned my head, expecting either Alice or Bella to be watching over me again. It was neither.

Edward was leaning on the doorframe of the room, his eyes exasperated. He walked forward, past me and switched the two CDs places with a quick movement. I raised my eyebrows at him. He shrugged and threw himself, gracefully, onto the black leather sofa. He shrugged again as he spoke.

"I spent a lot of time organizing those," he said. "I'd rather keep them in that order."

Understanding flooded into my mind. This was _his_ old room. The past inhabitant hadn't left at all. He had just moved out. I felt suddenly very awkward standing in his room. I felt like I was intruding on his privacy. I tried to keep in mind that this was my room, for now. I sat, still awkwardly, on the edge of the bed. His eyes shimmered with a bit of a smile. He seemed to think my reaction was amusing. Then he spoke again.

"I feel like we haven't really been properly introduced." His smile widened. I thought back to the time first time we had met; I had thrown him at a tree. _Properly introduced_. No, I guess we really hadn't. I cleared my throat and smiled, still proud that I could pull off the gesture.

"Well, then. I'm Iris," I said, my voice clearer than it had been since I arrived here. I was glad to hear it so confident.

"Edward," he said. He smiled again at me, and I felt a bit less awkward. It was nice to finally be talking to one of the siblings who had originally disliked me. It gave me hope that maybe I would be convinced to stay. I still couldn't fully admit that's what I wanted, but still the hope existed. It was odd to feel so torn. My mind flicked back to the room as Edward spoke again.

"Are you hungry?" He seemed actually concerned with my answer. He was standing up before I could answer. I didn't feel particularly hungry; my stomach had learned that it would be awhile between meals when I was running. I wasn't used to be offered food every time I was too silent. I would have to learn to start talking.

Edward was walking out the door, still not waiting for my answer. He was very persistent. I rolled my eyes and stood and followed him out the door and down the steps. He didn't say another word to me as we walked through the giant entryway and into the kitchen. He stopped in the middle of the room and I stopped at the end of the big counter. He turned and looked at me. I stared back. We stood like that for a minute. Then finally he started laughing. The sound was interesting; luxurious, almost. I must have looked confused because he smiled at me.

"I just realized that neither of us know very much about cooking. I'm not really the best person to be serving breakfast." He chuckled again and shrugged apologetically at me. Then I heard a sound I hadn't heard more than once or twice in my life. My own laughter.

The sound frightened me so much that I stopped laughing almost immediately. I was surprised; the noise was so unfamiliar. It had sounded high-pitched, yet deep. It was the kind of laugh you might expect the wind to have, if the elements could ever laugh. Edward looked at me curiously for a second and then I lowered my eyes. I swallowed slightly and went to the cupboard I had seen Bella take the bread out of. And there it was again: the half eaten loaf from yesterday. I grabbed a plate from the shelf above the sink and sat at the small kitchen table. Edward snickered and I looked up at him.

"I'm not very culinarily skilled, but I'm sure I could fix you something more than _that_," he said, indicated the loaf of bread I was nibbling. I shook my head and he looked unconvinced.

I laughed again. Still the noise was so unreal to me. "No, I'm fine really. This is all I've eaten for a pretty long time. Old habits die hard, you know?" Edward looked at me like I had said something extraordinary. His golden eyes were wide and content. It was like that small comment had made his day. I began to get an idea of how odd this vampire really was. Just then, Esme came bustling into the room. She smiled as she saw me sitting at the table.

"Oh, good, you're awake. I wasn't sure how long to let you sleep. You seemed so tired yesterday! How was your night?" Her eyes stared at me, just as content as Edward's behind her. I didn't know what exactly I was doing to make these vampires so happy, but apparently I was succeeding.

"Extremely comfortable, thanks. It's not often I get to sleep in a bed," I said with a small smile. Esme returned it tenfold. She turned to Edward.

"Alice has been looking for you. She's out back with Bella." Her eyes seemed to convey some sort of importance, and Edward swiftly walked from the room. Esme turned back to me and her smile was back. She walked to the sink, retrieved a cup and filled it with water, setting the cup down in front of me. She sat down at the table the same distance away from me as she had yesterday. I guess it was pretty obvious that I still didn't feel very comfortable. Esme and I just sat in silence as I ate, and that was fine. I wasn't sure how ready I was to join in conversations yet. I had to take this whole situation slowly. I fully intended to ease into my position as a family member. This wasn't something you could rush.

Just as those words crossed my mind, Alice came running into the room, stopping just next to my chair. She had been moving so fast, I hadn't even heard her coming. I nearly choked on my bread, taking a sip from my water to calm my beating heart. I looked up into Alice's giant smile and gave her a suspicious look. She seemed up to no good. She smiled at me, her grin full of mischief.

"We're going shopping," she said, nonchalant as ever. My mouth dropped open and my eyes grew wide. Then I heard my odd laugh again, only this time I couldn't stop it immediately. The thought of me shopping was just too ridiculous. Alice's smile seemed to droop a bit. Her eyes narrowed and she suddenly grew defiant. She grabbed my arm and pulled me from the chair, making me stiffen. This was not taking anything slow. I didn't think I would ever let another vampire look at me, let alone touch me. Yet here was Alice forcibly removing me from the kitchen. My mind was shocked. Bella waited for us in the entryway, her face amused. I had the feeling that not long ago, she had been the victim of Alice's determination. I pulled my arm from Alice's grip and stood near the stair, ready to bolt up them. Alice looked at me, completely astonished. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Iris, really. How are you going to survive without clothes?" Her tone was incredulous. My eyes grew wide and I looked down at myself, expecting to see my body completely exposed. No, I was still wearing the jeans and black shirt Bella had given me to wear earlier yesterday. I looked up at Alice, confused at what she meant. She laughed and just rolled her eyes. She grabbed me again and pulled me out the door.

The sun had once again hidden itself behind the clouds. At this very moment, I couldn't blame it. I wanted to run and hide behind something too. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. First I was living in a house of vampires. Now, I was going shopping with two of them. Just then my mind thought up an excuse to go back inside; an infallible excuse that they couldn't fight. And it was the complete and honest truth. I stopped walking and Alice turned on me, looking lethal. I held up my hands.

"I don't have any money! I can't go!" I smiled apologetically. "Sorry," I added.

Then it was Bella's turn to laugh. It was loud and rang clearly through the thin air.

"Yeah, good luck getting away with that." She chuckled again and Alice joined in. She grabbed my hand again and pulled me towards a huge garage attached to the side of the house. They walked in and I followed, staring glumly ahead of me. When I was the inside of the garage however, my eyes flew wide.

There were a multitude of different cars spread throughout the wide space. They varied in style, subtle to completely outrageous; from the inconspicuous silver Volvo to a ridiculous bright yellow Porsche. Yet, they all had one thing in common: they were expensive. Clearly, as Bella had indicated, money was not an object to these people. I walked in between the cars, completely in awe. It did strike me as odd however; I had been traveling on foot for so long that cars had seemed so trivial. Yet here was a garage full of them, all driven by a group of vampires. It seemed unnecessary to me.

Alice jumped in the driver's side of the silver Volvo and Bella lightly lowered herself into the passenger side. I stood at the side of the car, staring at the door handle, still unsure. I could hear Alice and Bella inside, already talking about what stores they would go to. I wanted nothing more than to run out the door and hide inside my bedroom. Still, I held my body motionless. I couldn't will myself to reach out and open the door, but at least I wasn't running away. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. _You can do this_, I whispered to myself. I had wanted to be normal so badly when I was younger. Now I was being given the chance. Would I take advantage of it? Or would I let myself hide again, as I had done for my whole life. I opened my eyes and steeled my resolve. My hand shot out and opened the door and I jumped in before I could think twice. I could see Alice smile in the mirror and the car hummed and she accelerated out of the garage and down the path, leaving my bedroom, and my only chance to hide, far behind me.

~*~

I was wrong. I had never been more wrong in my entire life. This was not normal. And if it was, I regretted ever wanting it in the first place.

Alice had gone speeding down the freeway, she and Bella singing to the radio and talking about a multitude of different subjects, ranging from movies to music to stories about their family members. I sat in the back, absorbing it all, attempting to figure out exactly how to be normal. I never contributed to the conversation, and that suited me perfectly. I really hadn't anything to say. The two up front seemed to sense that so they kept up enough conversation for all three of us.

We entered a small city town and Alice had jumped out of the car, obviously excited to start the adventurous day. Bella followed her, a bit more reserved. I followed Bella, terrified beyond anything I had ever felt. Bella turned her head back and offered me a small smile. I just couldn't return it.

Alice led us in and out of what seemed like thousands of different stores. In each one, Alice had demanded that I try on at least ten different outfits and then she bought all of them for me. After the fifth store I grew irritated at the small fitting rooms that were the same everywhere; cramped, uncomfortable and embarrassing. After a few stores, I grew pretty adept at avoiding looking at myself in the ever-present mirror. I could feel the blood in my face, flushing it. My embarrassment was something I did not want to see.

The whole day seemed like an out of body experience to me. A week ago I would have scoffed at the person standing in the mirror, trying on hundreds of different outfits. What had happened to me? I tried to picture myself living in the forest, sleeping and eating on the ground, wearing the same clothes for months on end. None of the image fit with the girl staring at me in the mirror. I was pretty sure I knew who I liked better. Yet, I wasn't sure I could go back to that now. I grimaced as I heard Alice hurry me from outside the tiny room, but a part of my heart sang. I had wanted companionship so badly for so long. My desire had seared a hole inside me that burned constantly. This family was filling that hole, soothing the pain. How could I willingly tear that hole open again? Was I really that masochistic? I shook my head and opened the door to Alice and Bella's high pitched squeals approving my newest potential outfit.

The day progressed like this for hours. Eventually we exhausted pretty much every store in the town, and Alice was forced to concede that it was time to go home. We made it back to the car and completely packed the trunk and half of the backseat with piles of bags. I cringed as I thought of how much of the cargo was mine; probably over half. Alice had gone completely overboard. She seemed ecstatic regardless. She talked even more animatedly on the way back than she had on the way there. I was more at ease on this trip; I was even able to laugh at some of Bella's jokes about the family. Bella seemed to glow at the sound of my laughter; it made my own heart grow and my smile to come out in full force. I had completely forgotten the wild animal of a girl who had scoffed at me back in the dressing rooms. I wouldn't let her judge me; what did she have that I didn't? Nothing worth more than what I had now.

Soon enough we were pulling up the path to the enormous white house on the hill. It had seemed so odd to me to see it that first time; I had wondered why vampires would ever need such a permanent home. Now I knew. These creatures were so different from the rest of their kind. I remembered Esme's promise last night; she said I would get to ask them questions soon enough. I hoped she wouldn't forget.

As soon as I entered the house, I knew she hadn't. She was waiting for us in the entryway and smiled and asked us how our day had been. Alice had answered, going on and on about the things she had found for me, and Esme listened patiently. Finally Alice suggested I go upstairs and change into one of my new outfits and Esme smiled, giving me the chance I wanted to go have some privacy. Bella followed me, holding half my load of clothes, handing me the other half. I was glad to be doing something for myself finally; I had felt like I was being pampered. Bella really seemed to understand what this was like for me. It was only then that I fully realized how recently she had become a member of the family herself. She knew what I wanted, because she had wanted the same things for herself. I was glad to have her there to help me get through this.

We put all my bags down in the corner of the room and she picked out a pair of jeans and a light purple tight fitted t-shirt. She threw the clothes on the bed and smiled at me, nodding at the clothes. I sighed and picked them up. Suddenly she realized something and spoke.

"I can't believe it, but I had forgotten. If you want to take a shower, you're more than welcome to. Odd, again, but we do have a shower for you," she said, chuckling. "Would you like me to show you?"

Bathing had really been more of a luxury for me than anything else. Despite my pumping blood and endless hunger, I never sweated nor got my skin very dirty while I ran. My hair was a different matter altogether, but since I kept it cut short, it was never much of a problem. Most of the time I would swim in lakes purely for enjoyment; I loved how it felt to float in the water, to feel the liquid flowing past my skin. As soon as she mentioned it, I wanted to feel the hot water cover my body. I smiled at her and nodded. She smiled back and showed me the way to the bathroom, only a few doors away.

It was giant. A long marble countertop and pristine mirror filled one side of the room, making the whole room look double its already huge size. On the opposite wall a colossal tub stuck out of the wall and at the end of the room stood a similar sized shower. I rolled my eyes; a family who never needed to use any of this and it was still extravagant. I wondered when these people would stop amazing me. Probably never, I conceded. Bella grabbed me a thick black towel from the closet and laid my new clothes on the counter. She smiled at me once more, and then closed the door.

I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling oddly serene. After being the object of so many eyes for so long it was nice to be hidden from them for a little while. I stood near the door for another minute, taking in the room before me. It so fit this family; it was odd and completely out of place. I smiled as I thought of each of the unique creatures waiting for me downstairs. They were like a species of their very own.

_Just like you_, my mind thought.

My smile disappeared and my hands clenched into fists. My mind dredged up the years of memories I had of myself, always running, keeping my distance from people. I didn't belong with anyone; I was different. A complete aberration of nature. I didn't deserve the life I was being presented with. Every smile I produced for these people was a fake. My life had given me nothing to smile about before, and I shouldn't let it now. I just didn't deserve it. I needed to leave, and I needed to leave as soon as possible. I could be running again this very night; all on my own, with only the trees to stare at me.

The thought made my body instantly recoil. I felt like my mind was arguing with itself, a separate entity from my body. I couldn't keep my thoughts in order and it was causing complete chaos. I knew I was _welcome_ here. So what if I didn't think I deserved this? What right did I have to upset Esme, or Alice? Or Bella? They seemed to enjoy my company, and they wanted me to stay. And deep down, I wanted to stay. Wasn't that all that mattered?

I could feel the counter argument already building up inside my mind, but I wasn't going to let it take hold. I stripped off my barely-dirty clothes and walked to the shower. I turned on the steaming hot water and stepped inside, feeling the soothing touch of the liquid. I focused only on the feeling of the water falling around my skin and left the rest of my mind blank. I ducked my head under the flow and let the water gently loosen the knots in my hair. I ran some shampoo and my fingers through it until it flowed around my head as gently as the water did. Even after my body was pristine, I stood under the tender caress of the water. I couldn't make myself get out. If I couldn't focus on the feeling of the water, I feared my mind would start up its debate again. I just smiled as the water covered me, offering me eternal solace.

I lost track of time as I stood there, stretching into the downfall of warm water. Eventually I remembered that there were people waiting for me downstairs and I was being selfish. I sighed as I turned off the water and opened the shower door. I wrapped the plump towel around my body and dried my body and hair off. I quickly dressed into the clothes Bella had laid out for me. After they were on, I was tempted to look in the mirror to see how they fit, but I fought the urge. I didn't want to initiate my mind's arguing prematurely. I was thoroughly enjoying the quiet.

I dumped my old clothes back into my room, shoving them in a corner. Next to the piles of expensive new clothes, my old ones looked like dirty rags. No wonder Alice had been looking at me so distastefully. I smiled as I thought of her coming reaction to my new appearance. I surprised myself to find that I sincerely hoped she would be pleased.

I silently walked down to the second level, not rushing myself. I wanted to pace myself, to take my time. My curiosity at this strange family made me anxious, but I held myself in check. Maybe if I could regain control of my emotions I would be able to keep my mind silent and obeying my command. I could feel the resistance building up in my mind, but I ignored it. I had controlled myself for 80 years. I wasn't wrecking all that now.

I reached the main staircase and I glided down it without making a sound. No one was in the entryway so I listened for any voices. I could hear some from an adjoining room; there were so many, mixing together into a beautifully musical sound. I silently walked towards the room and peeked in.

Most of the family was sitting around a giant dining room table. I noiselessly chuckled to myself; a dining table, another thing this family would never use. This house was full of needless accessories, all used to keep up an unnecessary façade. My interest continued to build, and I hoped I could learn this family's secret soon. I was about to walk inside the room when I realized that the family was arguing. About me. I froze and listened as closely as I could.

"We don't even know _what_ she is," a high severe female voice was saying. "She could turn on us at any moment. She's got too much power. This is just too dangerous." I tried to identify the voice, but I had never heard it before. That had to mean that it belonged to the beautiful blonde whom had been silent, up until now.

"She's not dangerous, Rose. Alice and I spent all day with her, and she seems more scared of us than anything else." Bella's voice rang clearly through the room, more harsh than usual. "If she were going to attack us, don't you think she would have done it by now?"

"Bella, you don't know that. Still, Rosalie, we cannot be judgmental. This girl has done nothing wrong, so we cannot punish her. She is welcome in our home," – I heard Rosalie growl – "but we will be careful. I would never assume to keep her under surveillance, but it would be foolish for us not to be wary." Carlisle's voice held a strong sense of authority in it. Still, Rosalie was not swayed.

"Setting aside the girl's immense power, look at her upbringing! There is no possible way she is as stable as she appears to be. We are playing with fire here, Carlisle. You are letting Bella put us all at risk."

The table was silent for a moment, and I could feel the tension seething from the doorway next to me. Bella spoke first.

"So, we judge her on her upbringing? Something she had no control over? Something she obviously put herself at great emotional pain to tell us about? Rose, that's not fair."

I heard Rosalie take another breath in to speak, but Edward cut her off.

"Rosalie, Carlisle is right. We cannot judge her when she's done nothing wrong. We'll just be cautious. It's the only thing to do at this point." Silence fell between the family and no one moved. I waited for a long minute, but nothing else was said. I took a deep breath and stepped into the doorway.

At first no one noticed me, so I took another step forward and let out a small sigh. Eight pairs of eyes flew to my form standing awkwardly in the back of the room. Each one of the vampires regarded me differently. Bella's hard face immediately softened and Alice perked up and grinned at me. Carlisle politely smiled and offered me a chair next to him. As I walked to it, I took in the rest of the family. Esme seemed to beam at me, as usual. Edward seemed impassive; I couldn't even fathom what he was thinking. It was the same with Emmett, but for a different reason; he just didn't seem to care. He seemed completely indifferent to my presence in the house. Jasper's eyes followed my every moment, watching for one wrong flick of a finger. I was sure his muscles were tensed, his fists probably clenched beneath the table. I held my breath as I turned to the final member of the family. Rosalie looked livid. I was undermining her authority in the family and she hated me for it. Well, at least now I knew where I stood.

I made it to the chair by Carlisle's side and gently lowered myself into it. Everyone was still staring at me, and I dropped my eyes to the table. There's nothing like eight beautiful vampires staring at you to make you feel self-conscious. I wasn't entirely sure what to say, so I didn't say anything. I figured I would let one of these creatures speak first. I wasn't sure how quickly that would happen, but I settled myself into the decision. I would wait all night if I had to.

Thankfully, it wasn't long until Carlisle took up the job of breaking the silence.

"So, Iris. I believe we've exhausted a good amount of your patience with all our questions, so it seems only fair that we allow you to ask a few of your own." I raised my eyes to meet his, and he was still smiling politely at me. "Is there anything you're curious about?"

My chuckle came out before I had time to stop it. The question was just too absurd. Was there anything I was curious about? The easier question to answer would have been what I wasn't curious about. This whole family generated endless questions with their daily lives. Their way of life was so odd, the endless façade of human nature they kept up. Carlisle's eyes smiled with my chuckle, but he kept quiet. I guessed it was finally my turn to ask the questions.

I started out easy, like Carlisle had in the backyard that day.

"I've heard rumors about vampires of your kind. Your eyes, I mean. The color. Is it true you only feed on the blood of animals?" My voice had stuttered over the word vampire and my skin had shivered. The word reminded me that I was in the company of the same species my father had been a part of. The reminder caused a spasm of hatred to flare up inside my body, but I pushed it back. These people were _not_ my father. That was clear already.

"Yes, that is true. After I was first changed, I fought the thirst that grew inside me with each day. My change had disgusted me, and I did not want to be like those who had feasted on me. I attempted to hide myself away from civilization and it was there that I realized that the blood of animals would dull the thirst, saving our kind from destroying unnecessary lives." My eyes had grown wide. I couldn't believe that the stories had been true; there was a clan who was concerned with human life. And here they were, sitting calmly before me, telling me their story. It was impossible, yet it was happening.

"So if you don't need human blood, why does the majority of your kind still feast on it?" I figured I knew the answer, but it was one I wanted to hear directly from Carlisle. In the beginning I had been wary of telling him that I had killed a multitude of his brethren, yet he hadn't seemed to mind. I was curious now how he regarded the rest of his kind.

"The reasons vary. Some don't know that this life is even a choice. We try and spread the word of our lifestyle, but it is not an easy feat. There are too many of us spread too wide. It just isn't a practical setup for spreading information." He seemed to pause before he continued, trying to phrase his next answer in a certain way. He considered his words for a few seconds, and then prepared to speak. I saw Edward's eyes lock onto mine, attempting to judge my reaction. I braced myself, hoping my mind wouldn't cause me to overreact to whatever Carlisle said next.

"Then there are those of us who just choose not to follow this way of life. Animal blood is not nearly as satisfying as a human's. Some of our kind are content with their lot in life, and revel in their power. Human blood helps our bodies and strengthens us far beyond what even the strongest animal's blood can do. Some of us just aren't prepared to give it up just to save human life."

I could feel my eyes narrow and my muscles tense. Jasper, halfway down the table, pushed his chair back ever so slightly, getting a better angle to jump at me. Edward still stared at me, but I dropped my eyes to the table. I'd known that this answer was coming, but it still fanned the hatred that simmered inside me. This family had dulled the anger I had for vampires, but this answer brought back all the memories I had before I met this coven. Vampires were selfish and cruel and sadistic. They took _pleasure _in hunting innocent people, violently ending untainted lives. My father had embodied everything that made a vampire and I had used my hatred for him to destroy every single one of the evil creatures that had crossed my path. It had been my passion, my only calling in my dark, meaningless life.

My eyes took in every knot and crevice in the wooden table underneath them. I clenched my teeth together and pushed my lips into a thin line. The intense anger I felt permeated every pore of my body and I could feel the creatures around me tense. Jasper seemed unable to control himself; he was halfway out of his chair, his only restraint being Alice's light hand on his arm. Edward was _still_ staring at me, his eyes attempting to open my soul. The anger flowing through my body pushed tears into my eyes which I pushed back. I refused to breakdown again. I finally looked up again, meeting Edward's gaze. The liquid gold in his eyes brought me back to sense. I hated every vampire I had met. Except these. These people around me were more human than even most humans I had met. They cared for each other with an intense bond of love more than anything I had ever seen before. I could feel my body loosening and my emotions falling back. Edward's eyes changed ever so slightly, but I could tell he could sense the shift in my thoughts. I tore my eyes away from his and turned back to Carlisle. I didn't know what to say. My anger had only flared for a couple of seconds, but it had been so intense that I could still feel the tension in the air. So I unlocked my teeth and jaw and I nodded at him. He smiled at me and I returned the smile. The occupants of the table around me fell back slightly into their chairs, seemingly exhausted. Bella even sighed, her breath coming out in a short flow of relief. Apparently she wasn't nearly as confident about my self-control as she pretended to be.

I turned to her. The next question I wanted to ask had plagued my mind for every second of every day since that first day of questions in the backyard. My eyes grew intense, and my voice left no room for her not to answer.

"Where is your child?" Her eyes grew sad, as though she had been hoping I wouldn't ask. Still it seemed like she was ready for it. She stood from her chair and walked around to my side, placing her hand on the crease in my elbow. Jasper stood as well, Alice letting him go this time. He walked around to stand behind me, only a few inches from my body. I immediately tensed, feeling trapped. I forced myself to calm down and assured my muscles that I was in no danger. They were merely being cautious, just like Carlisle had said.

"Jacob?" Bella called, her voice tense and unsure. I hated to make her anxious, but I wasn't backing down. I needed to see this child.

The dark skinned man I had only seen once before walked into the room, the child held in his arms. His eyes stared at mine, clearly displaying what a bad idea he thought this was. His eyes promised me that if I made one wrong move, he'd kill me faster than Jasper could even move. My eyes just stared back into his, promising nothing of my own. I had no idea what I planned to do; I just knew that I needed to meet this child.

The girl pulled on Jacob's arm, urging him to put her down. He looked at her, unsure, but she continued to tug at him. He finally gave in and placed her on her feet, letting her walk gracefully forward. Bella's hand tightened on my elbow, but I didn't move. The girl stopped just in front of me and we stared at each other for a long time. I could feel her endless brown eyes look into my soul as though I was made of the clearest glass. I could see none of her soul; I became mesmerized by the depth to her eyes. They were so _knowing_, as though she held all the wisdom of the world and the answer to every question ever asked. She reached her hand out to mine and I reached out the arm that Bella wasn't attempting to rip off. My hand touched hers and my vision disappeared.

We were in the backyard, and I looked just as I had the first day of questioning. I saw myself through her eyes; my grey eyes staring into hers. My eyes were frightening, just as deep as hers, except they were clouded with hatred. There was no room for wisdom. I held myself gracefully, my body toned and just as capable as any vampire's. My dark red-brown hair blew across my face, wild and unkempt. I felt her squeeze my finger as I watched myself lunge at Edward, my eyes wide with disbelief and hate. I watched as Rosalie grabbed her and ran into the house. The child's eyes had never left my form, battling multiple bodies that had flown at me. I was completely wild, throwing each vampire out of my way, my eyes locked on Edward. She had watched from a window as Jacob had come around the corner and thrown me backwards. Her eyes had grown wide as I thrashed on the ground, screaming a wild roar. I watched myself change, my body rearranging itself into the form of a giant wolf.

I quickly withdrew my hand from hers. I didn't want to see any more. I stared at the small child in front of me in disbelief. Her memories had flooded through me with such intensity that I had believed they were my own. Her first impression of me was forceful and harsh. I realized that this was how each of these vampires had seen me. Wild and out of control. No wonder they had wanted me to leave.

I removed Bella's hand from my arm, and took a step towards the child. Bella went to restrain me again but the child shook her head. Finally, I spoke the few words I had thought since I had first seen this amazing child.

"You are an impossibility." Her eyes grew wide and amused. Her lips turned up into a small grin that looked a lot like her mother's.

"Daddy says you are too." The child's voice was a mixture of young and old together. It was both playful and serious at the same time. Just as impossible as she was. I felt Bella tense at the sound of her voice and felt her eyes flick to Edward. Edward just stared at me.

I knelt down before the child, my eyes becoming level with hers. I smiled back at her and chuckled.

"Daddy's right." Renesmee giggled at me and threw her arms around me. Her contact surprised me, and I recoiled. Still her arms locked tight around me and refused to let go. I wrapped my arm around her and squeezed lightly. That seemed to placate her and she let go, stepping back into Jacob's open arms. He lifted her and looked at me with plain disbelief on his face. I stood up and looked away from him, towards Bella.

Her face was identical to Jacob's. It was plainly obvious that everyone had expected me to react violently toward Renesmee. And to be honest, I had half expected that myself. Still, as I had watched her memory of me, I had felt no fear towards me. This child was strong and completely at peace with her life. In scientific terms, we were alike in so many different ways, both products of an impossible situation. In upbringing however, we were nothing alike. She was completely surrounded by people who loved every part of her and kept her safe and extremely secure. She was happy, a simple fact that forcefully separated us. She was nothing like me. That was all I needed to know.

Bella seemed to sense my contentment with the child and her face broke out into a huge smile. Her body exploded into motion quicker than I could keep up with. Before I realized what was happening, her arms were locked around my neck in the same way her daughter's had been only a second ago. Again, I froze; somewhere in my mind I realized that I was being hugged far too frequently for my liking. I needed to get away from these people before any others got too emotional. I unlocked my arms from my side and lightly patted Bella's back, hoping this would suffice. Apparently, it didn't. She just hugged me tighter.

"Oh, Iris! I'm so glad! I thought this would be the one thing to ruin it all. I'm so glad you're so understanding!" Her words flew together in a mangle of joy and just kept going, repeating over and over how glad she was that I liked Renesmee and how she hoped that I was completely comfortable with the situation. I wanted to tell her that the only thing making me uncomfortable right now was the hug I couldn't escape, but I didn't. She really seemed to be having a good time. Jasper must have sensed my discomfort because he stepped forward and lightly disengaged Bella from my frozen body. She still looked ecstatic, but she did smile somewhat apologetically at me. I just stepped back a few inches and tried to put as much space between me and other potential huggers as I could. Bella walked over to Jacob and took her child into her arms, hugging her tightly as well. I looked down at the floor, feeling like the center of attention again.

Carlisle stepped towards me and I held my breath. He didn't seem the hugging type, but I couldn't be sure. He chuckled at my reaction and just put his hand on my shoulder. As I looked up into his eyes, I was transported back 70 years and I felt like a child again. I could only assume, but I thought this might be what a daughter felt like looking up at a loving father. His eyes were proud and compassionate; there was no sense of caution in them anymore. In his eyes, I was able to forget the father I had and I was able to see myself clearly, if only for a second. For that small second, I almost forgot the monster I was. I almost felt whole. I felt like I belonged. I tore my eyes away from his, not able to stand what I was feeling.

It didn't matter what the rest of my life held. I could stay with this family for the rest of my living moments, I could stare in Carlisle's proud eyes for hours, I could fold under the weight of Bella's joyous hugs for eternity. I could never, ever let myself forget that I was a monster. I was the byproduct of hate. My mother had suffered for a lifetime of abuse from my father because of me. No matter how many people thought they loved me, I would never be able to love myself. I had single-handedly destroyed my mother's life. I could _never_ forgive myself.

I closed my eyes as the tears sprang up again and twisted my head away. I clenched my teeth again and fought back against the despair. I had to keep a control on myself. After all the trust I may have just earned from these people, I wouldn't let myself lose it just because I was weak. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again, turning back to Carlisle.

I wouldn't allow myself to look in his eyes for long, but the slight glimpse I did see clearly showed the sadness they contained. He took his hand from my shoulder and it felt like the anchor that had been holding me down was just released. I feared I would lose control and ruin everything. I felt the weight of ten heavy stares bearing into me, weakening my resolve. I didn't know how much longer I could hold on. I stared at the floor beneath my feet.

"Why don't you go get some air, Iris? It has been a long night." Carlisle's voice offered me the solace I needed. I nodded, eyes still on the floor and left the room full of staring vampires behind me. I opened the front door into the night and breathed in the cool air. It soothed me and before I knew it, I was running again.


	11. Comfort

11. Comfort

The wind felt unreal to me. It had been so long since I settled into my quick pace that I had almost forgotten what it felt like. Still, it was easy enough to remember. Years and years of running gave me millions of memories to fall back into. This was second nature; something you can't forget, no matter how many times you try.

I ran around the back of the house and took off into the forest and over the river. I looked up through the trees' leaves and could see a giant moon and tiny little stars lighting my way through the night. Leaving the family I was beginning to love behind me, I forced myself deeper and deeper into the overgrown woodland. I felt a sort of freedom different from any I had ever felt before. I knew that I was free to go where I wanted and that I would never have to stop. Yet, there was a sense of security which reinforced the freedom. I had a home that I could go back to. And welcoming arms that were only too ready to bring me into them.

I laughed, the sound still sounding so unlike me. Yet, it had been gracing my ears more and more every day. I couldn't believe the changes that were taking place inside my body. I felt lighter, like some weight that had been slowly growing was now suddenly lightening. I leaped up to a branch above my head and swung from it, flying a few feet. I hit the ground and stopped, looking up at the enormous tree above my head. I smiled at the height of it, defying those trees around it that couldn't quite reach its intense stature. I grabbed the branch closest to me and pulled myself up, already reaching for the next branch.

I made my way up the tree quickly, and sooner than I thought my head broke through its lofty canopy of leaves. I pulled myself up onto a wide branch and laid my body along its length. There were still plenty of leaves and branches above me, but in this one spot, I could clearly see the giant moon through a hole in the tree's leaves. I let the moonlight spread over my body and I closed my eyes.

I tried not to think about anything in particular, instead letting my mind reach out, going where it may. I could hear so many sounds: the gentle wind singing a soft lullaby, the breathing of small animals safe inside their homes, dreaming, even the light flutter of my own heart, a steady beat attempting to put me to sleep. I could smell everything as well: the deep scent of evergreens, the rich smell of the dirt yards below me, and the sap of the trees around me. Every sound and scent had been my companion for so long that I could pick them out easily. I was comforted to be surrounded by something familiar after feeling so out of place recently.

All my emotional tumult was forgotten now and I felt completely in control. It was almost impossible, but I eventually urged myself to drop down off the branch I was so comfortable on and climb down the tree. I leapt off the last branch, twisting in a flip before I hit the ground. I made my way back through the trees, using the stars as my guide to find my way home. As soon as the river was in view I began to get a bit more apprehensive. I hoped my sudden departure wouldn't cause the Cullens to distrust me anymore than they already may. I hoped they could understand the need for a break from insanity every once in awhile. I walked back to the front door, inspecting my clothing. Thankfully nothing was ripped. I feared Alice might kill me if it had been.

I silently slipped inside the front door. No one was around the entryway, but I figured they could hear that I had come in. I walked up the stairs to my room, ready to settle in for the night. My quiet rest had left my mind begging me for sleep, so I figured I might as well give it what it wanted. I didn't see anyone on the way to my room, despite the fact I knew everyone had to be aware of me coming in. I figured they were all giving me a bit of space and I silently thanked them for it. They really seemed to understand how hard this was for me.

I got to my door and walked in. The room was lightly lit by the moonlight shining in the giant window; the light threw odd shadows all around the room. My eyes adjusted to the gloom and I left the light off. I cleared the bed of my multitude of bags and put them all onto the black leather sofa I never used. I turned around to climb into bed and my eyes caught sight of the moonlight glinting off something on the floor. I bent down and pulled my tan messenger bag out from halfway beneath the bed. I stared at it, shocked.

It felt like I was holding an artifact from a completely different world. I had never gone a day without this bag strapped over my shoulder, yet in the two days I'd been here, I had already forgotten about it. It felt heavy in my hands, like it was silently blaming me for deserting it. The one thing that had always been my companion and I had left it behind already. I sat on the bed and opened the bag, pulling out my black notebook. Nothing had changed about the book; it looked and felt the same as it always had. Yet, in those two days, it was completely different. The first page, blank as ever, no longer seemed to mock me. Instead, I pitied it. How long had I left this book blank, without a purpose? It seemed like a useless waste of space without any words for it to contain. I ran the tips of my fingers over the paper, feeling its creases and imperfections. I flipped through the pages, the motion throwing a small breeze on my face. The last page was just the same as the first, the book uniform beginning to end. I closed the book and slipped it back inside my bag, which I slipped back under the bed, pushing it completely out of sight. I quickly stood and put my back to the bed, staring out the window.

The moon remained as bright as it had been in the forest, lighting my face with white reflections. I reached out and put my hand on the glass, lining my fingers up with the edges of the moon, the tips encircling it. I thought to my bag, shoved under the bed, out of sight. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep my mind silent. I knew what it wanted to say and I didn't want to hear it. Still, my mind pushed through.

My previous life was shoved inside that bag, thrust out of sight. I was forgetting everything that had brought me to this moment. No matter what person I pretended to be now with my clean clothes and new family, I was still the same girl who had run through endless forest, hiding away her shame. Even though I pitied the notebook without a purpose, I knew I could never give it one. My thoughts just weren't worth enough to record them. I pressed my forehead onto the cool glass in front of me and opened my eyes.

On the lawn below me, I could see someone staring up at the same moon I was. Edward was sitting in the middle of its light, just staring up at the sky. I felt my head tilt and my eyes narrow. He was still as stone, but I knew he hadn't been there when I had walked to the window. I watched him for a minute, but he never moved; he just sat still, staring. I wondered why he was out there. I was sure you could probably see the sky from his house; why did he have to come out here? Even more, why was he staring at the sky in the first place? And where was Bella? I was about to turn away when his head twisted and he looked directly at me. He saw me staring at the moon as well and his lips grew into a crooked smile. He nodded at me. I smiled back at him and turned away from the window.

I sat on the bed and drew my knees up to my chest, holding them in with my arms. I stared forward, not really seeing anything. My mind was flicking through the memories of those two very odd days: my first look at the house in the forest, my anger at the child's room, my hatred for Edward. I saw the faces of my audience as I told my story for the first time, the look on Bella's face as she asked me to stay with her, the look on Esme's face when I first smiled at her. Even stronger than these memories were the images of myself in the dressing room mirror and the images I saw of myself through Renesmee's eyes. The two girls stared at me with the same eyes, both demanding something of me that I knew I couldn't give them. I begged the two to make a compromise, but they were just memories. They stayed stubborn, locked into their place in my life's history. I shook my head and laid it back onto the plush pillows, trying to ease my mind into sleep. Still, those two girls stared at me, their eyes so similar, yet not the same at all. I climbed to the edge of my bed and pulled my leather bag out from under it, throwing it onto the leather sofa next to the bags of clothing.

It shone in the moonlight as I laid back down on the bed and pulled the blankets over my head.

~*~

Despite the clear sky last night, I woke to a dull-lit, clouded morning. I had no idea what time it was, but it had to be early. I had woken up pretty much every hour last night, tossing and turning, not able to become comfortable. Eventually I would push my mind back into unconsciousness only to wake again in another hour and repeat the whole process. Overall, I was more tired this morning than I had been when I laid down last night.

I groaned as I sat up. My head spun from the pressure building inside it. If I didn't relax soon, I was pretty sure my head was going to burst open. I tried to put my mind in order by figuring out what day it was. Two days had passed since I saw the high school students getting ready for their weekend. I couldn't believe it; only two days had passed? Well, that made it Monday. I wondered what these vampires did on their weekdays. None of them had come to spy on me yet today, which was something I had begun to expect. Maybe none of them were around. I couldn't quite tell how I felt at being left alone – relieved or abandoned? I shrugged and leapt off the bed, landing on the thick gold carpet without a sound.

I bent over the piles of bags on the sofa, ignoring the messenger bag sitting next to them. I pulled out another pair of jeans and a black long sleeve shirt. It felt silly to me to discard items of clothing after wearing them only one day, but if I was going to act like this family, I might as well start trying today. I slipped into the new clothing, laying yesterday's outfit on top of the bags. I would have to ask Alice how long it was until I could re-wear an outfit. She seemed to have this fashion nonsense down to a science.

I looked around the room, seeing if there was anything in it to capture my attention. My eyes ignored the CDs and settled on a small collection of books lying on top of the stereo. I walked toward them and then thought better of it. I knew I was avoiding going downstairs to see if the house was empty. I felt like a child, afraid to leave her room whenever her parents left her alone. I rolled my eyes, groaning at myself. I was acting ridiculous. I closed my eyes and walked out the door of my bedroom.

I still couldn't hear anyone's voices and became pretty confident that I was the only one in the house. As I walked down the hallway, I really took in my surroundings for the first time. The house was brightly lit, a window catching every bit of sun the clouds outside let slip through. I smiled at the pictures on the wall, most of them depicting the family members. I passed a few doorways and was tempted to peek inside, but refrained from doing so. I didn't want to intrude on anyone's privacy. When I reached the second floor, a particular wall hanging made me freeze. A giant wooden cross hung on the wall, standing out from the off-white color of the walls. I couldn't help but stare at it, suspicious and unbelieving. This cross just confirmed what I already knew; this family was out of its mind. I shook my head, laughing quietly. These people really were completely unique.

I reached the bottom floor and still couldn't hear anyone, but I did pick out music coming from outside. It was loud, the bass of the music causing small vibrations in my head. I grew curious and opened the front door, walking outside. I followed the sound of the music, walking around the side of the house, towards the garage. From this distance I could clearly hear a high voice singing along, weaving itself in with the melody. Even with the bass distorting the voice, I clearly recognized it as Alice's. I smiled and opened the garage door.

The music became immensely louder, but it didn't bother me. I took in the outrageous cars again, laughing to myself. I quickly spotted Alice casually sitting on the hood of the bright yellow Porsche. She stopped singing, smiled and waved at me when I walked in. I smiled back and weaved my way over to her. When I finally got to her, she turned the music down, only slightly.

"Hey, Iris. You're up early." I nodded at her, not really able to comment. I still didn't know what time it was.

"What are you doing?" I asked her looking around the garage. She shrugged nonchalantly, not answering. I gave her a curious look, but she moved on.

"What's on your agenda for today?"

"Um…" I paused, completely at a loss. "I'm really not sure. What do you usually do?" I was sure that her usual days would be a bit intense for me, but maybe she could give me an idea I could build off of. She just laughed.

"Well, it really depends, but today I thought maybe you'd be interested in a tour of town. If you're going to spend a lot of time with us, you should probably know how to get around Forks." Her smile was hopeful. I tried to be confident in my returning smile, but I don't think I pulled it off. I still wasn't completely sure how long I would be here.

"Uh, well, yeah, I guess that's a good idea. Are you sure though? I mean, that can't be the most interesting thing you had planned for today," I said, not wanting to pester her. She just laughed again.

"No, no, I'd like to do it. Trust me, I'm really the only one you would want doing it. Everyone else would only show you the _boring_ parts," she said with a wink. My laugh mixed with another one coming from across the garage. My head flicked over in that direction, but I couldn't see who it was. Alice seemed to notice my curiosity and smiled.

"Edward can't come. He and Bella are supposed to be in Alaska at college, so they try to keep out of town as much as possible. I, on the other hand, am taking a year off to focus on myself." She giggled to herself.

Edward stood from behind a black car near the back of the garage, wiping his hands on his pants. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He came over and leaned against the bright red convertible sitting next to Alice. His eyes seemed to pierce my skin and I had to look away. I turned back to Alice.

"And how's the focusing going?" My voice had a tinge of sarcasm in it.

"Oh, perfectly! I've discovered loads about myself already!" Her laugh grew more pronounced and I laughed with her. I saw Edward roll his eyes at her and she threw him a sly grin. Then she turned back to me, her eyes still smiling, but her lips frowning a bit.

"Iris, I know for a fact that I bought you more interesting clothes than that. We'll fix it before we go out."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh no. Edward, are you sure you can't take me?" My voice full of feigned pleading.

He just laughed and ruffled Alice's hair. "Give her a break, Alice. You don't want to scare her too quickly." He turned back and disappeared behind the car he had been working on. Alice stuck her tongue out at his back.

"Come on, Iris. Let's get out of here." She smiled and jumped into the Volvo I had grown so accustomed to seeing. I slid in the passenger side, smiling at her. Alice was still giggling as she opened the garage door and the car sped out down the drive.

On the way down the road to the center of Forks it began to downpour. Rain splattered the windows of the car, blurring the road and houses we passed. We drove in silence in the beginning, both not quite sure what to say. It wasn't an awkward quiet between us, but more of a learning experience. We were sizing each other up, trying to learn more about each other from the things we didn't say. We both felt comfortable together already, and that alone was a miracle. In that one car ride into Forks, I found my first real connection to the Cullens in Alice. Before either of us broke the silence I was already beginning to regard her as a sister. It was a feeling I couldn't fight; it just felt like I had finally found a piece of myself. I knew that the two of us were meant to stand beside each other, no matter what.

I did finally break the silence, wanting to know more about her as a sister. We had a lot of time that we needed to catch each other up on.

"So, you can see the future? That's got to be helpful," I said, hoping I wasn't delving too deep, too quickly. On the contrary, Alice spoke immediately as though this was something she had been dying to talk to me about.

"Well, to be honest with you, it's gotten me into trouble just as much as it's helped anyone. A lot of the time, I see things in my visions, but I misinterpret them. So I end up rushing to the rescue of someone who never needed rescue in the first place. Then again, sometimes they _do_ need rescuing and I saw everything correctly. It's a hard balance to keep." She seemed to be remembering specific examples in her mind, but I didn't push for them. I was sure that this family had a million stories to tell me. I would hear them all when the time was right.

"Plus, no one's future is set in stone, obviously," she said, gesturing to me. I nodded, realizing what she meant. How long ago had I been intent on killing this kind creature calmly sitting beside me?

"Everything can change with any small choice. I can't be sure of anything, at any time. Sure, some things are much more certain than others, less influenced by specific choices, but still. Everything is subject to change, or misinterpretation. Like with you." She glanced to me and I just stared back.

"I saw you coming. Not clearly, of course. It was all very different from my normal visions; blurry, sort of. I didn't know when you were supposed to arrive, or even what you would do. I saw you run into Edward and Bella, so I warned them to be careful, not really able to say anything more than that. Then I saw you at the gas station and I knew everything was coming. I went home and tried to see more of what you planned to do. It was all still blurry, I couldn't see much. I saw you come to the house then your decision to run. I saw that you would come back and that things wouldn't go well. Then, suddenly, you disappeared from my vision." She laughed as I stared at her, in utter disbelief. I couldn't quite grasp what she was saying. I half-laughed at myself, remembering how clever I thought I was. They had set a _trap_ for me. I had been far more reckless than I ever thought possible. Then I remembered her saying I had disappeared and I could feel my eyes tighten. I didn't know what she meant.

"Disappeared?" I asked, curious.

She smiled and nodded. "I can't see shape shifters. I knew that because of Jacob, so I had a couple of different theories about you. I could never guess at the _full_ extent of your upbringing, but I did guess as much as your particular gifts. I didn't tell anyone though, in case I was mistaken. But I was prepared." She still smiled at me. I looked into her eyes, brightly looking at mine. There was no sense of disgust there, no hatred at all. I couldn't understand how she could discuss me so calmly. I was a monster; she had to realize this. She seemed to sense my turmoil and put her cold hand on top of mine.

"When you finally decided to stay with the family, even just in the beginning, all my visions changed, Iris. Every now and then, when you're really unsure of what to do, things will flicker, but most of the time, your future is clear. You _belong_ with us. Iris, you are the one thing this family has been missing without even realizing it. Now that you're here, it would leave a giant hole if you left. We want you, Iris. Please, try to understand that." Alice's sincere eyes dug deeply into my own. I had never seen her more serious, and doubted I ever would again.

We had pulled up to the side of the road, next to the high school. Students were milling around the buildings, going in between classes. My eyes passed over them, blurred as they were by the rain. Could I ever be like them, concerned with so little? The freedom of last night came flooding back to me. No, I would never be like them; it was impossible. I had seen too much. But I could still have a home, a place where I felt safe and secure. I could have a family who _wanted_ me. Alice's eyes still stared at mine, her body still as stone. I could feel myself smile and her face shone with joy. She threw an arm around me and caught me in a quick hug. I still shied away from her touch, not sure that I could ever be comfortable with hugging. Still, she ignored me and turned back to the road, starting the car again.

We drove around the town and Alice pointed out small little markers, telling me a bit about each one. I absorbed every story she told me about the people she'd met since she'd been here. I loved hearing her reactions to humans; it was so relieving to hear her joke about them, lightly teasing them at times. I could laugh along with her, making small comments of my own. As the day went on, I was surprised to find that I was talking almost as much as she was, both of us laughing freely. It was an odd feeling to be so open, but I couldn't stop it. It was just impossible to be shy with Alice.

The rain still drenched everything outside our car, so we remained inside the car for the whole day. When we reached the end of our tour, Alice noted the gas gauge – barely off full – and pulled into the gas station. She smiled at me and shrugged.

"You thirsty?" She asked the question without waiting for my answer, already getting out of the car. It amazed me how alike she was to her brother, Edward. They acted almost identically, yet in the same way, not the same at all. It was an enormously hard thing to describe. She walked into the gas station store before I even made it out of the car. I laughed at her impatience, taking my time. The rain drenched me almost immediately, pushing my hair down against my head. I walked into the store and shook myself off, looking around for Alice. She was at the counter, holding a bottle of water which I could only assume was meant for me. She was talking to a man, smiling at him. Upon closer inspection of the human, I felt my jaw drop open.

It was the police officer whose house I had slept in that first night. I slowly approached the two of them and Alice's smile grew larger.

"Oh, and this is Iris. Iris, Charlie," she said, gesturing from me to him. I smiled, trying to keep my expression calm, holding back laughter. It was bizarre how calm he was while talking to Alice. He had to know her and from the looks of things, they were good friends. I held back a giggle as I thought how ironic it was that I had planned on killing her as repayment to him. How clueless I had been.

Charlie smiled at me, eyes looking cautious. I had a feeling that this man had more experience with the supernatural than he ever wanted. His eyes almost seemed tired just looking at me, as though he expected me to grow an extra head at any time. I wondered just _exactly_ how much he knew about the world he lived in. Apparently enough to know to be cautious of me. Alice seemed to sense my curiosity, so she helped me out.

"Charlie is Bella's father." That small statement explained everything to me. My laugh broke through and I nodded to him. He seemed to understand and smiled wearily back at me. He stuck out his hand in greeting, cringing slightly as my own hand gripped his. When we finally touched, his eyes grew wide and his smile grew a bit more relaxed. I smiled as I realized he had expected my hand to be freezing cold, only to find it normal human temperature. I was sure he assumed I was more 'normal' than Alice standing next to me. I hoped he never realized how wrong he was. His eyes looked curiously to Alice though and she let out a small laugh, the sound dancing through the air.

"Iris is a…_cousin_ to the family," she said, still smiling. Charlie nodded and the weary smile returned to his face. He turned back to me, his eyes once more traveling over my pink, heated cheeks and grey eyes, so different from Alice's pale, cold skin and golden eyes. He just shrugged and turned to pay the man at the counter for his gas. He said goodbye to Alice, asked her to wish Bella well for him and left. I pitied the poor man whose life had been turned upside down by his unnatural daughter. He seemed to truly enjoy spending time with Alice though and I figured he made the best of what he was given. I was sure that his daughter's absolute happiness meant more to him than anything else in the world.

Alice paid for the bottle of water and led me out of the store, back into the rain. We hurried to the car and jumped inside. She started the car and we pulled out onto the road, headed back towards the house. We didn't speak for a moment, lost in our own thoughts. Mine were still focused on Charlie, and she seemed to sense that.

"He's fine, you know. This was all a little shocking in the beginning, but he's gotten used to it all now. He sees Bella all the time and absolutely _adores_ Renesmee. Then again, I can't think of anyone who doesn't." She paused, smiling at her thoughts of the child. I smiled too. Renesmee was more than incredible.

"In any case, Charlie is strong. He's been through a lot, there's no denying that, but he's survived and, actually, he's doing better now than ever. He still gets to see all of us and he's gotten more family out of this whole ordeal than he could have counted on. He's got a certain 'need to know' attitude going on with Bella and that seems to be working out fine. All things considered, this all happened better than even I could have foreseen." She smiled at the thought and I nodded to myself. I was glad to see that not everyone's stories had to end with a tragedy. From what I'd heard, Bella and Edward had fought against more than the impossible and won out. It was an amazing idea.

Alice and I talked a bit more about the town as we drove home, laughing with each other easily. She parked the car deftly in the garage and we got out and walked into the house, still giggling with each other. We were still soaked from the rain, so we walked lightly through the entryway and climbed the stairs to our rooms. She waved to me as she disappeared into her doorway and I continued on to my room.

I stretched my arms above my head when I closed my door. This was the most relaxed I had ever felt in my entire life. I figured I'd add to it with a hot shower; I smiled as I thought of how much I would enjoy the comfort after such a rejuvenating day. I turned to grab new clothes from the bags piled on the couch when I realized I wasn't alone. I held back a growl as I spotted Edward sitting on the sofa, relaxed as always. His eyes were slightly narrowed, staring at me, as usual. And, as usual, I felt uncomfortable under the weight of his stare. My day with Alice had loosened my tongue and the words flowed before I could stop them.

"You are _really_ going to have to stop sneaking up on me. One of these days I'll attack, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Just warning you." I felt instantly self-conscious at the sound of my own voice, but I shrugged it off. I was beginning to feel infinitely more comfortable with this family. Well, some of them anyway. Particularly the ones that didn't _stare_ at me.

He smiled, his eyes still locked on me. "What? I'm not allowed to spend time in my own room?" His eyes were tinged with just a bit of mocking. I decided to play along.

"_Your _room?" I scoffed. "I believe you surrendered it to me. Plus, what in the world would you need a _bed_ for?" I glanced at the monstrosity that took up more than half of _my_ room. He laughed, loudly, and looked at me like I was missing some sort of ridiculous joke. I thought about it for a second, realized that his new room contained a bed twice this size. A room he happened to share with Bella. I rolled my eyes, gagging.

"Oh, give me a break. Please." I walked next to him and grabbed the first shirt and pair of jeans I saw, not taking the time to see if they matched. He was still sniggering at me as I turned my back on him and walked out of the room, grabbing my towel off the hook on the back of the door before I left.

I walked to the bathroom in a daze. _That_ conversation had been interesting. I couldn't believe how _easy_ it had been to joke with Edward. His unending stares had made me uncomfortable from the beginning and they didn't seem to be lessening. I thought he was the one hurdle I would have to ease myself over to get used to this family, but I found him as likeable as Alice. He had such an interesting personality that really did intrigue me. We seemed to connect on some invisible level that I couldn't quite explain. I wasn't sure how long it would take, but I could almost feel him becoming a brother to me. With Alice, it had been instantaneous, but with Edward it was immensely more complicated than that. I couldn't explain why, but I knew that it was. Maybe it had something to do with the staring. I would _really_ have to tell him to stop doing that.

I stripped off my wet clothing and put them on the counter in the bathroom. I stepped into the hot shower and turned my mind off, focusing on the shield the water created around my body. I relaxed into oblivion and just let myself shut down, determined to wash away all my anxiety. If this day had taught me anything it was that I had people here who wanted to get to know me and I was determined to let them do just that.

I stepped out of the shower, drying myself lazily. I rubbed the towel through my dark hair while I slipped into my new clothes. I realized with a groan that I had picked out one of Alice's more absurd outfits; a black bodice that laced up the front with a shiny black ribbon and a dark pair of black jeans. I shuddered as I thought of myself wearing this impractical outfit, but in my nonchalance with Edward this was all I had grabbed. Either it was this, or I walk out into the hallway in just a towel. It wasn't hard to choose which option appealed to me more. I slipped into the clothing, glancing at myself in the mirror. My dark red-brown hair glinted in the light, still wet. The bodice hugged my slim body, the ribbon in the front accentuating the curves of my torso. The black jeans were tight, also gripping my body. My grey eyes were dark, giving the outfit a sort of fierce look. I actually didn't look _quite_ as ridiculous as I originally thought I would; I was…attractive, almost. I sighed at the thought and decided to change the second I stepped into my room. If Edward was still there, I would physically remove him from the room before he could tease me.

I walked out of the bathroom, ready to fight him if he put up a struggle. Unfortunately, I didn't even make it to my door. Alice was coming out of her room at that exact second and her eyes grew wide when she saw me. I opened my mouth to object, to tell her it was a mistake, but she shushed me. She skipped over to me and held me an arm's length away from her. A giant grin spread over her face and she let out a low whistle. I glared at her and she put her arm around my shoulder. I knew right then that I didn't have the slightest chance of getting inside my room, let alone near any other type of clothing. She threw my towel and wet clothing inside my door and walked me down the stairs, not letting me budge from her side. When we got to the second floor, I could clearly hear the voices of various family members coming from down the stairs. A small whine escaped my throat, but Alice ignored it. We both glided down the stairs, my body constantly pulling away from hers, trying to get back up to my room. Then it was too late. We entered the view of the family and I became the center of attention.

I saw Carlisle first, his smile warm as always. Esme stood beside him, holding a book in her hand. She seemed ecstatic to see Alice with her arm around me. I smiled at her, trying to hide my embarrassment. Maybe no one would notice this ridiculous shirt. Maybe this was normal attire for this family. Who knew?

My hopes were squashed when Rosalie entered the room from the kitchen. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of me and her lips disappeared into a thin line. Her eyes filled to the brim with loathing and I thought I heard Alice giggle from my side. I looked away from Rosalie, begging to disappear. I really didn't want any enemies, but I knew I had one in Rosalie. I would have to be on my best behavior with her to try and get back on her good side. Alice pushed me past her and into the kitchen where, to my horror, more of the family was waiting. Bella noticed me first and her smirk was not well hidden. I closed my eyes and groaned. Alice finally released me from her grip, but I stood, frozen at her side. I opened my eyes and, of course, found myself staring at Edward's.

He seemed confused, but pleased at my appearance. His mouth twitched at the corners, and I just rolled my eyes, tired of being the object of his amusement. I gave into my embarrassment and let my face flush and shrugged. Alice clapped once and walked over to Bella, telling her all about our day and how we saw Charlie. They became engrossed in conversation so I turned away from them and grabbed a glass of water. I set it down on the counter and decided to get something to eat. I knew there was a bit of the bread left that I had been eating, so I opened the cabinet where it was stored and gasped. I broke into hysterical laughter and had to lean against the counter to brace myself. I heard Bella and Alice stop talking, but I couldn't stop laughing. It was just too funny.

The cabinet was _packed_ full of different types of bread. I honestly could not think of a single kind that wasn't present in this gallery of grain. The loaves were stacked one on top of the other, filling the large cabinet to the edges. Each kind was easily labeled and there seemed to be an endless supply of it all. I could feel tears springing to my eyes, helped along by the laughs I couldn't stop. I took deep breaths and turned around to look at the three people looking at me. Only Edward seemed to be the one completely unsurprised with my reaction. He spoke first.

"I thought maybe you'd like some variety, if you were only going to eat bread." His grin was wide and mischievous. Alice looked past my body and started laughing herself. She walked to my side and marveled at the gigantic collection, putting her arm around me again.

"I _told_ you," she whispered, just low enough that I was the only one that heard. I smiled at her meaning; she had said I would fit in perfectly with the family. Already I felt like I was a puzzle piece that was miraculously fitting into the most oddly shaped place in the picture. Alice's laughter and Edward's grin both proved to me that I was welcome here and that they wished I would never leave. I smiled at them and turned to face Bella.

Her face was odd and hard to read. She was smiling, laughing lightly with Alice at the ridiculous bread cabinet, but her eyes looked reserved. Her eyes flicked once to Edward's face, noting his eyes still locked on me. Her smile never faltered and her laugh was even, but something in her eyes looked off. I couldn't be sure, and it was only present for a second, but I couldn't shake the odd look she'd had. But as I looked again, her eyes were lit up and joyous, also inviting me to stay with her family, happy to have me. I smiled at her, almost positive now that I had been mistaken before. Even if I wasn't, Bella had a lot on her mind. It wouldn't be odd for her to be preoccupied about something.

I turned back to the bread gallery and, still smiling, pulled out a slice of brown bread, chewing on it while I leaned on the counter. Alice continued back into her recount of our day, sometimes looking at me to add bits and pieces. I would oblige and soon enough the kitchen was filled with laughter, each one of us talking equally with each other. The four of us were so animated that it probably looked like we had known each other for years. _Well, they have_, my mind reminded me. I ignored it. I refused to be withdrawn with these people. They wanted me around and I was going to let myself go. If they didn't like what they saw, or if they changed their mind about me, I would leave. It was that simple. The thought of leaving caused a spasm of pain in my body, but I let it go. I wouldn't worry about it now.

Our laughter drew others into the kitchen. Jasper and Esme came walking in together, their eyes suspicious. Alice drew them in, calling to them. Jasper came and stood by Alice's side and Esme put her arm around Edward. Alice dove into the next story she was telling, and Jasper and Esme became part of our group talk. I was glad to see that they each just added another dynamic to the talk, instead of making me shy again. We all talked for a long time, and I listened as they told a lot of stories about the family. I learned a lot about their history in that night, listening to each individual's story. I asked a few questions and they were glad to answer, not holding any information from me. No one asked me much about my history, only easy questions that were more generic than personal. I was glad for it; I didn't want to spoil any of this night with having to reveal any of my dark past. The conversation kept on for hours and we never grew silent. It was wonderful to finally hear my voice confident and strong again; my awkwardness seemed to be something I was overcoming.

Finally, I could feel exhaustion tugging at my brain and I excused myself, leaving for bed. Everyone there wished me a good night and I left the room, feeling warmer than usual. The house seemed quiet after such a long time in the kitchen, but I didn't mind much. I knew that my new family would open me up and help me socialize, but I also knew I would never forget how much I loved silence; it was all I had known for a long time and I would never forget its complex simplicity. I reached my room, feeling the pressure of sleep closing in around my mind, making it slightly harder to think. I entered my room, smiling at the moonlight that streamed in through the window. I walked up to the window and put my hand up against it again, feeling so different from how I had felt last night. I had been so unsure last night, but tonight I was confident about my new life. I smiled at the messenger bag sitting on the sofa. I would never forget who I was, and what I thought of myself, but I had a family now. I could have both, and I knew that now.

A soft knock brought my mind back. My door creaked open and I looked up to see Edward poking his head through the door. I tilted my head a bit and waved awkwardly. He saw me and quickly slipped inside the room. For once, he wasn't staring at me. I wondered if there was something wrong with him; his eyes had been an odd constant in my new life. He sat on the edge of my bed and kept his eyes on his hands. I felt a little edge of panic; this person was very different from the one who joked with me earlier. I stood by the window and waited for him to speak, which he didn't. He did finally look up at me though and he smiled. The smile wasn't like the mischievous grins that had grown so familiar; this was more of a sad, resigned smile. Like he knew something about me that I didn't quite know myself. I sat on the other end of the bed and tucked my legs up to my chest, looking at him in the same way he always looked at me. I tried to really take him in for the first time, but failed. There was so much to consider with him. On the outside, he looked just like the rest of his kind, godlike and beautiful. Still, I knew there was so much more to him behind that. Like his absurd family, he held a certain love for human life and fought his disgusting thirst to save innocent lives. And still, it ran deeper than that. He had held a love for one of those humans, kept her safe beyond impossible odds and had created a child with her. All seemingly impossible things, yet their story had ended happily. Edward was the most unlikely vampire I had ever set my eyes on. It was impossible to unlock the secrets in his eyes. I stopped trying and turned my gaze to the moon, shining brightly from the window.

It was minutes before Edward's voice broke the silence.

"I just wanted to let you know that Alice isn't the only one who hopes to see you stay." My eyes went back and there he was, staring again. I guess I shouldn't have expected any less. Still, I ignored his stare and smiled.

"I know." I laid my legs out in front of me on the bed, supporting my weight with my arms behind me. He smiled at my relaxed stance, sliding back slightly to match my position. I laughed softly at us; mirror images of each other. He looked past me finally and his eyes locked on the moon. I wondered if the celestial body felt as embarrassed under his piercing eyes as I always did. I could see him clearly now that I was out from under his gaze; he seemed confused. I remembered that I was one of two exceptions to his extraordinary gift and I realized that I must mystify him. I was just as much of a puzzle to him as he was to me. I smiled at the thought; it kind of put us on a level playing field. I realized that if he had been able to see inside my mind, I may have never gotten the chance to get anywhere close to this family and I never would have ended up sitting here considering any of this. I was glad that I had been given the chance to reveal myself on my own terms.

"Edward," I said his name softly and his eyes flew to mine. "Did you ever once think that you wouldn't be able to do it? You know, live like this?" I gestured at the ordinary room, filled to the brim with odd human luxuries. He chuckled darkly and nodded.

"All the time. In fact, I did leave it behind for a short time. But eventually I realized that this was exactly where I belonged, even though I had never _truly_ felt comfortable." He looked back out the window. "Unfortunately, it was something I could only learn by leaving." I nodded at his words. I could already feel that if I left, I would miss this life. It was now a part of me just as much as my years of running were. I looked out the window at the dark forest, calling to me with its black cover. It was all I could do to look away and close my eyes. Edward's voice attempted to bring my mind back.

"It gets easier. You may not be able to see it now, but you will soon." I nodded, my eyes still closed. I knew it did; already I felt more comfortable here. Still, I didn't think I could ever be as sure of myself as he, or Alice, or Bella were. They had their lives set now, never questioning that this is what they wanted. I knew I would always feel the dark pull of the forest, begging me to come home. I opened my eyes to try and clear the thought from my mind. Edward had moved slightly closer to me and was staring yet again. This time I knew why though; he wanted to know what I was thinking. I shook my head, not giving up anything. I would remain a mystery to him just as long as he remained one to me. He seemed to understand and stood up. He crossed, silently, to the door and went to pull it open.

"Hey, Edward?" He looked back to me. "Thanks. I appreciate you telling me that I'm welcome here." He deserved to be able to see that far into me. He smiled, less sad this time, and nodded. He slipped out the door just as quietly as when he had entered. The door shut with a soft click and I could hear his footsteps going down the stairs.

I sighed and laid back on my bed, ready now to sleep. Edward's odd appearance in my room seemed less odd now that he was gone. He had been trying to make sure I was comfortable and to make sure I knew I was welcome. He just had his own strange way of doing things. I knew that this would be something I could always expect from my brother; a unique way of handling situations. Edward was Edward; there really wasn't much more to say.

I went to pull the blankets around my body and realized I was still wearing the ridiculous bodice Alice hadn't let me change out of. I closed my eyes as I realized that I had spent the whole night in this thing, completely forgetting its absurdity. I groaned as I thought of the hours of talking I had done while wearing this outfit. I would have to get Alice back at some point. I wasn't sure how, but I knew I would figure out a way.

I went over to the bags of clothes and pulled out oversized black sweatpants and a tight grey tank top. I slipped into them both and jumped onto the bed, feeling more comfortable than ever before. I slipped under the covers and turned to face the moon smiling down at me, sharing a long look with me before finally I closed my eyes. I could still feel the moonlight on my face as I slipped away into a dreamless sleep.


	12. Competition

Competition

Once again I woke to a cloudy sky. I was starting to get used to the fact that I may never see the glorious sun ever again. Still, overall, I held hope that maybe it would decide to make an appearance at some point today. I smiled and slid out of bed and glided down the stairs to the first floor. Just like yesterday, I didn't hear any voices, so I assumed everyone was out in town. Today though I didn't feel abandoned or awkward; I just smiled at the silence and made my way to the back door, walking barefoot out onto the damp grass in the backyard.

The fresh air filled my lungs and completely rejuvenated me. I started out slowly crossing the lawn, feeling my muscles tense against the slow pace. I grinned to myself as my muscles screamed in protest at being restrained. Finally I let out a laugh and ran towards the river. My muscles sang as my legs flew across the soothing grass, each step barely touching the damp earth. I entered the trees at the end of the backyard and grabbed a high branch, swinging from it and landing, running again. I hit the river sooner than my muscles wanted and I could feel my legs groaning as they slowed to a stop. I reached the riverbed and sat on a rock, looking out at the water. The current was stronger today because of all the rain the day before and I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of the water running its course. My legs reminded me that I could be running too, but I ignored them, finally getting to enjoy the river and its voice.

I stood up, my eyes still closed. I stretched my arms above my head and bent backwards, letting my body flow over itself, flipping my legs over my head. It felt good to stretch my muscles, so I continued, gracefully flowing each twist of my body into the next. I practiced my balance, flipping my body back and standing on only one arm. I didn't focus on my body's intentions, just on the sound of the water running over the rocks. I let my body slide backwards; my feet each touching the ground individually, bringing me back to a standing position. I gently lowered myself to the ground, crossing my legs in front of me and arching my back, still listening to the river's song. I smiled as I hummed a song I'd never heard before, my melody weaving in with the river's music. I sat there for awhile, completely at peace, focusing only on the water and on nothing else. My mind complied for once, letting me have a short respite from my constant self-loathing. I opened my arms wide and turned my face up to the sky, wishing the sun would warm it. Unfortunately, it remained dark and dull and I finally opened my eyes, pitying the sun caught in the clouds cage. I lowered my arms and looked down at the river again. A flicker of movement caught my eye and I stared across the water. Even at this distance, it was easy to pick out Edward's form leaning against a tree. He was, of course, looking at me. I laughed and waved at him. He shrugged away from the tree and motioned for me to join him.

I wondered what he could want, but it didn't matter much. I smiled and stood. I didn't even take a step backwards. I just leapt forward onto a rock on the river's edge and then jumped the river's expanse. I landed a foot away from Edward and walked over to join him. He was smiling at my display; I was showing off and we both knew it. Still I kept on an innocent face as I reached him.

"Hey," I said, my voice tinged slightly with curiosity.

"Hey," he mimicked me, still grinning. I rolled my eyes and shrugged. His grin remained.

"I was going for a walk and saw you. Would you like to join me?" His eyes actually seemed curious, unsure of my answer.

"Yeah, sure." I nodded and he turned and began to walk back towards his house. I walked to his side and we started parallel to the river. I stared out at it, not saying anything. This silence was a bit different from the silence I had experienced with Alice. There we had learned things about each other from everything we weren't saying. With Edward though we were still saying things, even without the words. Our relaxed, slow walk meant something in itself, along with the fact that we, for once, weren't looking at each other. Each flick of our hair or blink of our eyes all meant something, even if we didn't realize it. In retrospect, those first few minutes of silence said more about us and who we were than the rest of the day's conversation. Still, Edward did finally speak, asking me about my night. I answered politely; it had been a boring question, but it officially opened the floodgates. After that first question, I don't think we ever stopped talking.

Most of our conversation was about our past. I asked him about his daughter and his relationship with Bella. It was all information I had been dying to know; the whole situation was just so impossible. He answered it all, if somewhat hesitant at times. It was amazing how personal we were with each other with no awkwardness at all. After he had pretty much told me the entire story involving Bella, he asked me a bit more about my life. Never about my father; I had a feeling that if he were brought up, Edward might lose it just as much as I would. Still, he would ask me about my first encounters with humans and about the towns I stayed in. I would answer with total honesty, including all the times I had lost control. Every time I would come to a moment of me losing my temper, Edward would just nod his head, like he knew exactly what I was talking about. I continued to talk about my travels while he listened, completely attentive. It was all very dismal, but even through it all, he would make a witty comment, making me chuckle. He seemed to know _exactly_ what I was talking about, able to even add in a bit of his own personal history when it was relevant. It quickly became painfully obvious how much the two of us were actually alike; his life hadn't been much better than mine. Until Bella came, that is.

Soon enough we ran out of history to tell, which was surprising, considering how much of it we had seen. That idea brought on even more subjects though: different eras we had both lived through, ridiculous trends we had seen come and go. We each had a different perspective on it all, obviously, but it was intriguing for both of us to hear the other talk. We moved onto different personal aspects of ourselves, like our favorite colors, or movies, or books. Edward was shocked to hear that I didn't know much about music and he swore to me that he would introduce me to some _great_ stuff. I cringed at the thought, remembering his gigantic CD collection. Edward's _education_ would take years, I was sure.

He also seemed surprised to realize exactly how much I knew about literature. It was a fact I was very proud of. When I had slowed down long enough to settle in towns for periods of time, I had begun to teach myself to read. It had been a slow and tedious process, but expedited by the need I had for it. It was hard to read maps if you didn't know how to actually read. After I finally caught on to the English language, I became obsessed with books and reading. Teaching myself to read was the one thing I had been able to take pride in and I relished it. Each town library became a haven for me and I would often just sit in a room there and read books upon more books. After a while, I had a pretty good knowledge of literature, in general. Edward seemed truly impressed by this and I felt that old pride in myself resurface. I was glad I had something to offer this conversation. From what he had said, he had attended graduate school _twice_ and was now about to enroll in college again. My measly reading skill seemed to pale in comparison to the person standing next to me.

We continued walking through the forest, not really paying attention to where we were going. We left the riverside behind us and turned deeper into the forest, mingling among the thick trees and overgrown bushes. It was interesting to walk through the forest with another person; it was something I had never experienced before. I had assumed that over the years I had grown to be more accustomed to the forest than most people, but it seemed like Edward was just as comfortable as I was. He leaped gracefully over fallen trees and broken branches, never pausing in his speech. I wondered if I looked the same as he did walking through the forest; I couldn't ever imagine myself being that gentle.

Amazingly, it didn't take long for us to start teasing each other. Our shared sarcastic nature flared up every now and then, and we would mock each other's 'favorites' choices. He would tease me for my original shyness around the family and I would mock his apparent surliness. We picked on each other endlessly, neither of us running out of ammunition, even though we had known each other for such a short amount of time. Most of his comments about me were dead on, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself. It felt good, though I would never have admitted it to him.

Soon enough, the sun came out from behind the clouds and I could see bits and pieces of its rays from behind the trees canopy. I kept my head constantly elevated, wishing for a break in the leaves so the sun could hit my face. It never came though, and after a few miles of walking I feared the clouds may cover the sun before I ever got out of the forest to see it. The thought depressed me and Edward seemed to sense my mood. He considered me for a minute and then looked back the way we'd come, a wide grin covering his face. He looked at me slyly, still smiling.

"So, how fast are you?" He asked the question nonchalantly and I looked at him curiously. Then suddenly I remembered the first day we'd met, when I had wanted to kill him. I remembered the speed he'd had as he picked up Bella and ran off. It had been so fast I hadn't even seen it coming. I smiled back at him.

"Oh, fast enough to beat you," I said, grinning back at him. I wasn't so sure that was true, but I wasn't going to admit defeat before I even tried.

"We'll see about that." And then he took off, leaving me behind. I growled and ran right behind him.

He was fast. _Really_ fast. Still, it turned out that my years of running through the forest did give me a slight advantage. I was able to weave in and out of the trees slightly faster than he was. He had a head start on me, but I was slowly closing the distance between us. My legs cheered me on, finally grateful for a challenge after so long. I saw him jump over a large tree trunk, never breaking stride, but I did him one better. I leapt and grabbed a branch just above the fallen tree and swung myself with all my force over it. My momentum flung me to Edward's side and I saw him hesitate for just a second, but it was all I needed. I took off, moving my legs faster than I had ever pushed them before. I could hear his laugh from behind me and I just continued to weave in and out of the forest, following the trail we had left to find my way home.

Eventually he caught up with me again and kept pace with me as we finished our journey back. When we reached the riverside just behind the Cullens house, I was extremely pleased to find that the sun was still shining brightly. We walked out into the sunlight together and Edward's arms sent rainbows shining all around him. I sniggered at him and rolled my eyes. He raised an eyebrow and looked at me suspiciously. I just laughed even harder.

"You look like a disco ball," was all I was able to get past my lips and he pushed me to the side, glaring at me. I just continued laughing and jumped the river, still chortling when we landed and walked up to the backyard of the white house. He ruffled my hair and I rolled my eyes, running my hand through it to straighten it back out. We had started discussing our impromptu race, arguing about who won when we saw Emmett walking towards us over the bright lawn, his skin also sparkling like a diamond. Edward waved and Emmett waved back. I felt a twinge of anxiety enter my mind; I didn't know how Emmett felt about me. If it was anything close to his mate's reaction, then I was pretty sure I was not welcome here.

He seemed nice enough as we approached each other, smiling and greeting us by name. He had a playful tone in his voice that made me instantly like him; despite his appearance, he just didn't seem to be a vicious person. Edward and Emmett talked for a bit about when they would plan their next – I cringed – hunting trip. I forced my mind to think about how _their_ hunting trips were infinitely better than other vampires'. Hunting was something they needed to do and it was something I was going to need to deal with. All in all, I was feeling very comfortable with the conversation until Emmett looked at me and turned the whole weight of the talk onto me. I had been quite content with Edward answering all the questions, but once Emmett left me in charge of handling the dialogue, I feared I may say something to make his gigantic muscles angry.

"So, Iris, how are you liking family life?" I stared up at him, hoping I was hiding my immense fear with some success. Edward put his arm around me, so I guessed I wasn't. I tried to even out my breathing.

"It's surprisingly easy to get used to," I replied, smiling at Emmett. He nodded back to me, returning my smile. I could feel my muscles loosening and Edward gave my arm a quick squeeze and let go, chuckling softly. I looked up at him. He was still smiling, but an odd look had crossed his face and his eyes were slightly narrowed at Emmett. Emmett never even glanced at him.

"So you're starting to feel comfortable then?" Emmett continued his questions nonchalantly, but I was beginning to feel there was something this was leading to. I narrowed my eyes slightly, matching Edward, but couldn't see anything wrong with answering the question. I shrugged.

"Yes, I think I am. Your family has been enormously generous, so it's been pretty easy," I said, my smile returning. I couldn't help but smile when I thought of the Cullens and all their kindness. Emmett just nodded.

"Mmhm." He seemed to think about something for a moment, and Edward's mouth dropped open. He stepped forward.

"Emmett, no. You cannot be serious." His tone was full of disbelief and disapproval. Emmett just looked at him innocently and I looked between the two of them, curious now. I had no idea what Emmett was thinking, but I wasn't very fond of being left out of the secret. Emmett just shrugged at Edward and looked to me, a grin so like his brother's spreading across his face.

"Well, Iris, what would you say to a little rematch then?" His eyes were alight with mischief. I felt my brow tighten and my eyes narrowed a bit more. I was confused.

"A rematch? Um, I'm sorry. Rematch to what?" Edward was still scowling at Emmett and Emmett was grinning at me. I felt like I was mentally slow; what wasn't I getting here?

"Well, it wouldn't be anything serious, you know. Just fooling around. A little workout, if you want." Understanding finally flooded my brain. He wanted to _fight_ me? My eyes grew wide and my mouth fell open. Edward seemed pleased with my reaction. Emmett's eyes pleaded with me to say yes.

"Um, well, uh." I looked from Edward's face to Emmett's, wondering what exactly would be the best thing to do here. I wanted to be friends with Emmett, but was fighting him really the best way to achieve that? It seemed a tad backwards to me. Still, from the look on Emmett's face, it seemed like the quickest way to get on his good side. I looked over his muscles again and sighed.

"Uh, well, yeah, sure. I guess so." I cringed a bit as the words came stuttering out of my mouth. Edward sighed and Emmett cheered.

"Meet you here in 5 minutes. Be right back." With that he went running back to the house, yelling for the rest of the family to come out and watch. My eyes grew wider and I immediately regretted the whole decision. My hand flew up to my face, covering it. Edward put his arm around me again and laughed. I looked up at him, horrified. His smile made me feel a little bit better, but not much. I couldn't believe I was doing this.

"Oh, it won't be that bad. Emmett's just very competitive. This was bound to happen at some point." His eyes glinted with amusement and he pulled me forward, walking towards the house, his arm still wrapped around me.

Bella came out the back door, looking suspicious, probably about Emmett's yelling. Her eyes spotted us and they narrowed ever so slightly, probably picking us out of the sunlit backyard. I pulled away from Edward and waved to her. Her head tilted slightly to the side and I walked up to her, sighing. She smiled at me as I got closer.

"So, I hear we're going to see the match of the century in a few minutes. Is that true?" She laughed at my doomed expression. I shrugged my shoulders and threw myself into one of the chairs lining the back of the house. I tossed my head back and enjoyed the sunlight while I could. I didn't know if I'd still be in one piece in another minute.

Soon enough, all the siblings of the family had filed out to the backyard. Alice was laughing, excited to see me fight again. She complained that last time she hadn't really been paying attention. I rolled my eyes at her; as if I needed a reminder that Emmett was probably going to get revenge for his defeat today. Jasper was quiet and reserved, as always, but his eyes were full of laughter. He slid next to Edward and Edward whispered something in his ear. Jasper laughed and looked pointedly at me. I closed my eyes again and threw my head back. Jacob came out very briefly with Renesmee in his arms, complaining when Bella sent him back in the house. He muttered something about rooting for me and disappeared back into the house, probably finding the best window to watch from. Rosalie came out and lowered herself into a chair, rolling her eyes. It was quite clear how childish she thought this all was. I sincerely hoped she would try and talk Emmett out of this. I knew she never would, and even if she did, he wouldn't listen.

Finally Emmett came out, having changed into a pair of shorts and a short sleeve t-shirt. I was still wearing the sweatpants and tank top I had fallen asleep in last night. I sighed, hoping they would still be intact to sleep in tonight; they were particularly comfortable. Emmet moved out to the center of the lawn and motioned for me to follow. I groaned and Alice pushed me from my chair, cheering me on, calling my name. I rolled my eyes and shook out my arms, walking towards Emmett. I caught Jasper whispering to Edward and Edward's eyes never left my defiant form. I finally came within a foot of Emmett and he stepped forward to shake my hand. I obliged, sighing as I did so. He laughed at my reluctance and stepped back, dropping into a crouch. I cringed as I fell back and did the same.

I just stared at Emmett across the grass. I had no idea what to do. If I attacked first I might get the advantage and maybe this would be over with quicker. Then again, if I attacked first I might be seen as aggressive and Carlisle might kick me out of his house. Still, Emmett _had_ said this was friendly, and I might have been over thinking the whole thing. Plus, if I won, Edward would have nothing to tease me about. That was certainly a plus. But then again, if I won, Emmett would want a rematch. And that was definitely not a plus. I was still trying to decide when I caught Emmett's hand flick just a quarter of a centimeter to the right. The movement was tiny but still, I saw it and I knew my choice had been made for me.

Emmett roared and lunged at me. I ducked to the side, letting my instinct take over. I decided to play the defense for a little while. Emmett was strong and fast, but I was tiny and faster. No matter how many times he lunged at me from many different angles, I was able to duck out of the way. At one point, Emmett lunged at me from straight on and I flipped over him, my hand lightly touching his back. He spun around, furious and I could hear laughter from the back of the house. Alice started cheering my name again. Emmett jumped at me and caught my shoulder, pulling me to the side. He threw me to the ground and I lightly flew backwards, rolling to land on my feet. He went to grab me again, but I put my hand on his wrist and used his momentum to swing him to the ground. I jumped back, but he recovered too quickly. He was up and jumping again before I was ready to defend myself. His hand nearly grabbed my neck, and I felt my mind reach out to protect myself. Before I could stop, my hand was flying out in front of me and Emmett's body was pushed backwards with my mental force and shoved roughly to the ground.

I gasped and pulled myself back, curling my outstretched hand back to my chest. My eyes were wide and quickly filling with tears. I stepped backwards and blinked a few times, trying to make the scene disappear. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I could just see the future flashing through my eyes: the family demanding that I leave; Carlisle's disapproving eyes, Alice's angry scowl. And Edward. I couldn't even imagine what he thought of me now. I was so concerned with the pain building inside my chest that at first, I didn't quite realize the sound my ears were hearing. But I focused more intently and I was almost positive I heard laughter. I shook my head and focused my eyes on Emmett's body, still lying on the dirt. He was unmistakably shaking with laughter. And so was everyone else at the back of the house. I couldn't believe it; I was completely frozen with shock. Emmett stood up, still laughing, and clapped me on the back, shoving my body forward. I looked at him like he was insane. His eyes were completely happy.

"Finally! I have a real challenge here. Nice job, Iris. You're going to be a lot of fun to have around here." He was still shaking with laughter as he headed back toward the house. I was still staring widely after him, my mind trying to catch up. _A lot of fun_? Not exactly the words I would use about physically assaulting a family member. I couldn't believe no one was mad at me. I forced myself to look at the people looking at me from the top of the hill. Everyone had the same expression on their face – one of utter amusement. I ran my fingers through my hair, my breath coming out in a low sigh. I walked back to the house to immense applause. I cringed as Emmett clapped me on the back again, but I managed to stay erect this time.

Alice came over and hugged me, jumping up and down, praising my victory. Jacob came running out of the house, Renesmee still in his arms, telling me how great I had been. Bella sighed, but agreed. She took Renesmee from Jacob and walked back into the house, and Jacob reluctantly followed her, looking back over his shoulder one more time to give me a thumbs up. I just laughed. Rosalie was rolling her eyes, but seemed to be impressed with my performance. She looked like she was on the verge of challenging me herself, but I was immensely glad she didn't. Bella came out of the house now, Esme following behind. They both took seats, sitting facing the lawn again. I turned around too, expecting to see another couple fighting, but it was empty. Alice smiled at me, her eyes expectant. I was getting the feeling that my humiliation wasn't over. I was about to protest when Edward came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and he and Jasper were standing extremely close to me, ready, it seemed, to physically tow me out to the lawn if I refused. I knew his demand before the word even came out of his mouth.

"Rematch." I closed my eyes, and sighed. Edward grabbed my hand and dragged me out on to the lawn in the same place Emmett had been standing. I faced Edward, my eyes focusing. Last time I had been facing Emmett, a family member I barely knew. This was a completely different fight. I knew Edward, and my pride was at stake here. I stretched out my arm and went to take a step forward when I sensed someone approach me from behind. I swung around and Jasper was a foot behind me, crouched. I stood up and shook my head.

"Two against one? That hardly seems fair." I looked to Edward and he just shrugged.

"Your power doesn't really make one on one fair." I cringed slightly, but knew he meant no harm. It was true. I nodded and dropped back into my crouch, backing up so I could see both of my brothers clearly. I knew that I needed to play defense here; if I lunged at one of them, the other could easily take me out. But that didn't matter. I knew how to bide my time. I swung slightly from side to side as the two of them moved in a bit closer to me. They both seemed to be in perfect unison and I knew why; Edward was reading Jasper's mind, following his instructions. I rolled my eyes at the completely unbalanced fight. Still, this was going to be interesting, there was no doubt about that.

Finally, Jasper jumped at me. I rolled out of the way, turning in time to catch Edward's attack. I tossed him easily off to the side, turning again to see Jasper coming at me. I moved slightly to the left, and dodged around his lunge. Edward had righted himself and was slowly prowling towards me. I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned at me, baiting me. I growled and threw myself at him, just missing his shoulder as he moved out of the way. I dove into a roll and threw myself forward as Jasper attempted to pin me to the ground. I stood up and turned, able to see both of my opponents now, Edward in front and Jasper farther behind. Edward came towards me again, fast and darting to each side, keeping my eyes occupied. Almost too late, I realized Jasper had snuck around and was lunging at my side. I reached out with my mind and threw Jasper backwards, lightly tossing him to the ground. A second too late I realized my mistake and fell as Edward tackled me to the ground, his teeth at my throat. I felt my breath come out in a quick gasp and he pushed back slightly, still pinning me to the ground, and grinned at me. I narrowed my eyes at him and growled.

Applause broke out all around the house and Alice was laughing harder than ever. I rolled my eyes and attempted to push Edward off my chest, but he wouldn't budge. I raised one eyebrow at him and his face became surprised as I threw him backward with my mind. He landed lightly on his feet and let out a loud laugh. Jasper came over to us and exchanged a high five with Edward. Jasper shook my hand, telling me it was a good try.

"We're just too good," Edward said, always modest. I rolled my eyes at him and stretched my arms out, still a little upset at my defeat. This would give him bragging rights for way too long, even if the fight was completely unbalanced. At least, that's what I was telling myself. Edward put his arm around my shoulders again and we walked back, laughing now, to the group standing by the house. Alice was still giggling when we came up and when we got to the group, the applause started all over again. I groaned as Edward took a bow and rolled my eyes. I swore I would beat him someday and completely rub it in his face. Until then, I had to watch while he showed off. I rolled my eyes as he continued to bow to his adoring crowd. I sat down in a chair and just tried to sulk. I was finding it very hard not to find Edward funny.

Suddenly Alice stood up and Edward stopped laughing. He looked at her face and his eyes were curious. He looked from me to her and back to me and I knew what this was all about. I sighed, extremely deeply. Alice came over and stood in front of me, her arms crossed, one eyebrow raised. I sat back deeper into my chair.

"I should seriously consider charging people for this. Alice, you are not honestly asking me to fight you?" Her face became just a bit more defiant at my last words.

"Why shouldn't I?" I rolled my eyes at her.

"The mind reading I can deal with," I said, rolling my eyes at Edward. "But you're a little different. Couldn't you just tell everyone who wins?" Everyone chuckled, giving me hope that I wouldn't have to do this.

"Well, okay then. No powers," she said, offering the compromise with a shrug. I laughed at her.

"You can't just turn your power off, Alice."

"No, but you can." Silence enveloped the group.

My eyes narrowed as I thought about what she said. I wasn't aware of being able to turn anyone's power off, except for Edward. I thought about what she said, and suddenly it hit me. She couldn't see shape shifters. My eyes grew wide and I stood up, my muscles tense. Edward stepped to my side, his eyes livid. I had never seen him more angry before. It actually kind of scared me. He growled at Alice, something I never thought I would see. Bella's eyes narrowed at him and she pulled at his arm, whispering his name reproachfully. He didn't even look at her; he just continued to stare daggers at Alice.

"How dare you expect her to do that? Are you completely out of your mind, Alice?" His tone was harsh and frightening, but Alice didn't even flinch.

"It's part of who she is. She needs to face it someday. I'm not letting her live out her life like this. We're proud of who she is. It's about time she was as well." Her tone was even and confident. She honestly believed every word she said. Edward's growl became more pronounced, but I put my hand on his arm, silencing him. He stopped and stepped back, suddenly aware of himself. He blinked once and crossed his arms across his chest, looking down. I turned back to Alice and her eyes were still confident. I thought about what she said and looked up at sky, the sun hidden again behind the clouds. I ran my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes. Her words spun around my mind, trying to fit in the right order. I looked in Alice's eyes again, and they pleaded with me to comply. I bit my lip and looked down at the ground. I silently turned and made my way down to the forest at the river's edge.

I could hear Esme call after me and Edward's angry whispering to no one in particular, but I never stopped walking. I made my way to the inside of the trees, under the cover of the darkness. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I let them pour over. I closed my eyes and stripped off my clothing, folding it and setting it near the thick trunk of a tree, hoping I would be able to find them again. Then I let the depression take me over and my mind re-opened my pent up self-loathing. I let the anger take control of my body and it started to shake. I screamed as my body fell to the ground and rearranged itself, my blood burning in my veins. I let out another scream, high pitched, the sound turning into a whine by its end. I felt my four legs underneath me and I walked out of the forest, my head down.

I could feel people running towards me, probably concerned with my screams. Edward reached me first and fell down to my side, holding my head in his hands, pushing my – I almost gagged – _snout_ to face him. His eyes dug into mine and I felt the tears build up again. I pulled myself away from him and walked up to the house, fully aware of my shame. If this is what Alice wanted from me, then I would give it to her. I cringed as she came out to me, smiling sadly at me. I closed my eyes and tilted my head down, looking away from her. She came closer to me and fell to her knees.

"Please, Iris. Look at us. No one is judging you. We _love _you. Every single thing about you. The only one holding you back right now is you." I looked up to her and she was so sincere. I couldn't speak, so I just nodded. I wasn't going to admit or face anything now. I just wanted to get this over with and never look back at it again. Alice looked at me doubtfully, but I backed up and dropped into a crouch. Alice closed her eyes tightly and rubbed her temples like she had a headache. Finally she sighed and opened her eyes again, smiling. I nodded to her and she dropped to a crouch.

We circled each other, sizing the other up. I stretched out my limbs; they felt stiff and unused. I wasn't used to this body, but still I felt something instinctual inside me begin to take over. I let my mind go, pushing the self-hatred from my thoughts and focused on only the opponent in front of me. I knew Alice relied on her visions and without them, she felt blinded. She was distracted and if I could focus, I could take her down. I wasn't sure how much this fight was worth anymore, but I wasn't giving up anyway. I smiled, my mouth twitching up at the corner and lunged at her.

Alice didn't see it coming until the last second. She easily flitted out of the way, but she seemed thrown off balance. I turned around quickly, letting my agility become a distinct advantage. I jumped at her again and she leapt back. Now she was completely off balance and I was able to jump at her again, tackling her to the ground. I misjudged my legs' strength though and we hit the ground and she was able to push me off. I went flying backwards and landed on my back. I twisted onto my feet, still skidding to a stop. Alice was up again and crouched low, and I slowly prowled to her side. I played on her inability to see the future and feigned a jump to her left side. She jumped to the right and I easily rerouted my power, hitting her in the shoulder with just the right amount of power this time. She fell to the ground and I pounced on top of her, my paw tightly holding her to the ground. She tried to push me off and I inched my claw up to her throat, growling slightly. Alice stopped struggling and nodded her head, admitting defeat.

No applause followed this time and I just jumped off her chest, turned my back to the main crowd and walked back towards the forest. I hit the trees and phased back, wanting to be out of that body as soon as possible. To my surprise, I easily found my clothes and got dressed swiftly. I turned to go back to my family and thought better of it. My eyes were already welling up and I couldn't face them yet. I continued forward, hitting the riverbank again. I walked up its side against the current, not sure what I was doing. I just kept walking for a few miles, my eyes closed, the only sound filling my ears being the water rushing by me. I climbed up a small rock formation and sat at the top, finally too exhausted to keep going. My exhaustion didn't affect my muscles of course, just my sanity. I felt myself sobbing before I could tell what I was doing.

Alice had wanted me to phase so that I could learn to love myself, but couldn't she see that it could never happen like that? I was a _monster_. Why wouldn't anyone admit that to me? My face fell into my hands, the tears still flowing freely. My evil existence had doomed a woman – the most important woman in my life – to a lifetime of hell. If she couldn't love me, then I would never love myself. The only thing I had achieved in my sorry excuse for a life was to make my father proud. And that just made me even worse. My pain came out as a cry of anguish. I picked up a rock and threw it into the river with all my strength. I heard the rock explode with the force, spraying water everywhere. I buried my head in my knees, wishing more than anything that Alice had never asked me to fight.

It was amazing how much I wanted to stop crying but couldn't. I felt like all the happiness that had existed in my world for the last three days was completely false. I hadn't deserved any of it and by allowing myself to feel it, I just made this fall more painful. How could I ever assume that I deserved this family? I never deserved anything less in my entire life.

Suddenly I felt arms wrapping themselves around me, holding me tightly. I knew who it was immediately and pushed myself away from them to turn my eyes up to look into their golden eyes. Alice was staring at me, the pain in her eyes beyond anything I ever thought I could have felt. She looked like she would be sobbing worse than me if she was able to. Her face was twisted in a mask of turmoil and she cringed when I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Iris, I am _so_ sorry. I cannot even describe my feelings to you. I thought I was doing the right thing here, Iris. I thought I could help you. I am sorrier than I have ever been in my life." Her eyes dropped to her hands, folded in her lap. She closed her eyes, her face still twisted in pain.

"Please, please, _please_ believe that I meant you no harm. All I wanted to do was _help._" Her eyes were still closed, but her voice conveyed everything to me. I took one of her hands in both of mine and squeezed it lightly. She looked up at me, her eyes still full of sadness.

"Alice, please. I know you meant to help me. I wish I could be happier, for you. I wish that I could be okay now, so that you could be too. It's just…" I trailed off, my eyes lowering to the ground.

"I just don't know if that can ever be." My voice broke on the last word, betraying my misery. I felt Alice nod. She moved in again and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly. I put my hands on her arm, holding on to it, laying my head onto her shoulder. I don't know how long we sat there in silence, listening to the sound of the river rushing by, completely oblivious to our earthly problems. It could have been a few minutes, or an hour, or a day. I only know that, as she held me, I felt more comforted thaen I thought I would. I knew that if I tried to escape her arms, Alice wouldn't let me. I realized that it would be the same with the Cullens; they would never let me just leave now. It had been quicker than I ever thought possible, but a bond had already formed. I hugged Alice a bit tighter and thought about all the memories we had already shared together. She seemed to sense my comfort and pulled me in closer. I laughed softly, realizing that if she held me any tighter, she might break my shoulder. I gently detached her from me and we looked at each other, smiling slightly. I looked off toward the direction of the house and Alice nodded.

We climbed down the rock face and walked swiftly, not quite running, back to the house. Even before we exited the forest into the backyard I could see that the family was still sitting outside, Carlisle now present among them. He was holding Esme in his arms, smoothing her hair back as she stared worriedly at the trees we were about to emerge from. Emmett was sitting in a chair, looking impassive. Rosalie stood behind him, actually looking concerned, with her hand on Emmett's shoulder. Jasper stood next to Bella, both of them looking desperate and miserable. Edward, however, looked beside himself. He was sitting in front of the group, halfway down the lawn; his head in his hands, his shoulders completely slumped. I could hear his low growls from where I was, and I felt Alice tense next to me. I put my hand on her arm and stepped in front of her, and out of the forest. Edward was the first to look up and his eyes widened. He stood and crossed quickly to me, putting his hands on both my shoulders. I held up my hand and walked passed him and to the rest of the family. Each member sat up and straightened with my approach and Edward walked around me to look at my face as I spoke. Alice came up behind me, standing just far enough away that we weren't touching.

"I'm sorry that I left like that," I said. Esme started to speak, but Carlisle held her back. I continued on.

"I was more…shaken by the experience than I thought I would be. Please forgive me for ruining a good time." Edward rolled his eyes at me and looked to Alice, his eyes hard. I put up my hand again, silencing him before he could speak.

"It's not anyone's fault. She was attempting to help, and I do not hold her responsible in any way. This is my battle, and I realize now that I am left alone to fight it. Now, please, everyone, everything is okay now. There's no need to worry. I fully intend to stay with you all, if that's still what you want." I looked down with my last sentence, feeling oddly helpless.

Carlisle came forward and put his hands on my shoulders, just like Edward had. "Of course we want you, Iris. You are already a part of this family, whether you have realized it or not." I smiled up at him and he smiled back. He ended up hugging me and I smiled over his shoulder, laughing at how common hugs were in this family. He released me quickly though and turned and led Esme inside. Rosalie and Emmett followed them, but not before Emmett clapped me on the back once more. A low noise came from my lungs as his massive hand hit me and he chuckled to himself. I smiled at him weakly, hoping I could learn to avoid those smacks. Jasper came up to me and put one hand on my shoulder, welcoming me with his eyes. Then he walked past me and took Alice's hand, leading her inside. She lightly touched my arm as she walked past and I smiled at her. Bella came forward and hugged me tightly, grasping my back and letting out a little sigh. She pulled back and her eyes looked resigned and relieved at the same time. Before I could ask her what was wrong she turned and walked to the door, shortly pausing at Edward's side. He didn't move so she moved forward and walked into the house.

I didn't look at Edward as I turned around and stared into the sky, the sun now setting behind the horizon, its red light glinting off the trees in front of me. I stared at the clouds, their white distorted by the deep red mixing with the darkness of the slowly approaching nighttime. I ran my fingers through my hair and breathed in a deep gulp of fresh air. It tasted icy and sweet and I closed my eyes, sensing Edward right behind me. I sat down on the grass and he sat next to me. We didn't speak for a long time; we just looked at the clouds together. I focused on their shapes, the usually puffy edges looking sharp in the gloom. I dropped my eyes to the trees in front of me.

"I couldn't bear to lose you." Edward's voice was soft and dark. I looked over to him and his eyes were on his hands, locked tightly in front of him.

"I've only known you for a few days, but already you mean just as much to me as any other member of my family. I don't think I can let you leave." He still didn't look up. His eyes were locked on his hands in front of him. I couldn't see his face very well, but it looked pained. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and he finally looked up, his eyes full of desperation. I smiled at him.

"I'm not going anywhere." He smiled back with my words and nodded, his eyes falling back to his hands. I gently gripped his shoulder and stood. I walked to the back door of the house, stepping through the threshold. I looked back to my brother once more, and took in his hunched shape. I bit my lip and turned away from him, leaving the image of his pain and confusion behind me.


	13. Human

Human

The next few days passed by me in a blur. Despite the tension I created by running away that day, the entire family seemed to fall back into their original roles. No one mentioned the incident again, and I was glad for it. I put it behind me and focused on becoming a suitable member of the Cullen family. The feat was far more difficult than it originally seemed; there was a distinct façade you had to keep up to make this family work. Once my final decision was made and I swore that I would stand by this family, they all went into overdrive teaching me how to be human. All except one. I didn't see much of Edward after that night, but I was so distracted that I hardly noticed his absence.

My 'human training' wasn't all that difficult to catch on to. Each family member would give me endless pointers on how to appear human and how to fake all their mannerisms, but, as I was more human than any of them, I remembered and followed their instructions pretty easily. Each one of them had to keep up things like blinking and breathing normally, but since I did them anyway, none of it was hard to do. My main problem was remembering to fidget like a human; I wondered why the species couldn't just keep themselves still. They were so impatient sometimes it was irritating. Still, I embraced the leg crossing and hair flipping in stride. If this is what it meant to be a part of this family, I would take this and anything more. It was absolutely worth it.

Alice seemed to take me under her wing even more than anyone else. For those first few weeks we were inseparable; always discussing different things I should learn and do. She seemed ecstatic to inject me into her family's life, always pushing me to act more like them. I tried my best to keep up with her endless stamina, but after awhile my mind would start spinning and I would excuse myself, fleeing to the solitude of my room. I would hear her complaining from behind my closed door, but she would let me rest for awhile. I knew it would never last though; I would get maybe an hour of time to myself and then she would find me again, pulling me out the door to do something _human_. She reveled in her lifestyle and she wanted me to do the same. I never got irritated with Alice; she had her mind in the right place and I was grateful to her for making me feel so welcome.

Even during my alone times from Alice, I still focused on making myself a member of the family. After a few weeks I decided it was really time to move into my room. I unpacked all of the clothes from the piles of bags and laid them all out on my bed. I retrieved hangers from Alice's room – assuring her vehemently that I didn't need any help – and began to hang some of the clothes up in the large closet. Those that I didn't hang up, I packed away in the large chest of drawers hiding itself in the corner of the room. Some of the drawers still contained some of Edward's clothes, sending his scent to hit me whenever I opened the drawer. I ignored his clothes and just packed mine away around them. I still felt like I was intruding on his privacy, but I tried to push the feeling away. This was _my_ room now and I would have to live with that. Still, Edward's scent had made me feel a sort of loneliness; where was he? I hadn't seen him – or Bella, for that matter – since that night. I missed them both terribly, craving their unique presences. I began to wallow in my sadness when Alice knocked on the door, bringing me back to reality.

She entered without me answering, peeking around the door to smile at my unpacked couch. She surveyed my closet, nodding and smiling at my collection of clothes. I wondered why she was so happy with them; she _had_ bought them all for me after all. Then I saw her eyes flick to mine and I realized that she wasn't happy about the clothes. She was stalling. I rolled my eyes and sat on the bed, bracing myself for whatever it was she wanted to do now. I watched her look around my room, her eyes travelling over the objects without actually seeing them. Her smile was still wide and mischievous and I felt myself sigh. She looked back at me and finally laughed. Without saying a word she reached out her hand and took my own into it. She pulled me off the bed, out of the room and down the stairs. Esme was in the entryway, replacing a few wilted flowers in a vase and smiled when she saw us. She caught Alice's excited smile and laughed lightly at it.

"Be safe!" She called to us as Alice ran by, pulling me behind her. Alice giggled to herself and we went through a side door out to the garage.

I subconsciously took note that the silver Volvo remained parked in the garage and my eyes narrowed. Where was Edward then? The thought didn't last long, and Alice pushed it from my mind by dragging me to the side of her bright yellow Porsche and hopping in the passenger side of the car and shutting the door. I just stared at her through the window, my eyebrow raised. I saw her roll her eyes and she pointed at the driver's side seat. My eyes grew wide and I just froze, determined not to move. Half my mind shut down in terror and the other half began laughing at me. Alice wanted me to _drive_? My mind continued to laugh. It was so amusing that I almost laughed aloud. My mouth twitched and I remained still as ever. I heard Alice sigh from inside the car and she pushed open her door. I braced myself, resolute in my stillness. I was just as strong in a fight as Alice, but no one stops her when her mind is set. She grabbed my arm and practically carried me to the driver's side of the car. She threw the door open and shoved me – a little more roughly than necessary – into the seat. She closed the door and slipped back into the seat next to me. I looked at her with wide, horrified eyes. She stared back at me, her eyes beaming with excitement and laughter. I looked around the car, taking in the expensive leather seats and the expensive stereo and the expensive looking controls on the dashboard. This car screamed _expensive_. It also screamed outrageous nearly as loud. I imagined us driving into the middle of Forks in this thing; very inconspicuous. Yeah, I wasn't doing this. Not in a bright yellow Porsche. I wished more than anything to be sitting in the passenger seat in the small silver Volvo, totally invisible to the world. Alice caught my eyes flick to the subtle car and she shook her head, sensing my thoughts.

"No, if I'm teaching you to drive then we're driving _my_ car," she said, her eyes still lit with amusement.

"But Alice, I don't know _how_ to drive. I don't want to hurt your car," I said, my voice clearly displaying my discomfort. I tried to appeal to her worrisome side, threatening the possible death of her obnoxious vehicle. Unfortunately, I failed. She just shrugged and tossed me the key and sat back in her seat, not bothering to put her seatbelt on.

I caught the key as it flipped through the air. I looked at the long silver piece of metal, narrowing my eyes at it. This was the key that would open the door to my utter humiliation. I would not walk away from this experience without incurring months of teasing from Alice, I was sure. I sighed as I stuck the key in the ignition and closed my eyes as I started the car. The engine hummed to life and I stopped breathing, hoping maybe if I passed out Alice wouldn't make me do this. No, she would revive me and be angry at me for making her wait. I opened my eyes and glanced at her, taking in a deep breath. She smiled at me and nodded.

"Okay, now, foot on the clutch." I obliged, surprised already that I remembered which side the clutch was. That small fact gave me an infinitesimal amount of confidence, which was more helpful to me than none at all. I nodded, tightening my grip on the steering wheel, guessing what came next.

"Shift to first gear." I did as she said, glancing down slightly to take in where all the gears were. I memorized their positions in half a second, looking back up to the garage door in front of me. Alice smiled and pressed a button, opening the door. I could see the drive ahead of me, mocking me, daring me to come forward. I narrowed my eyes and waited for Alice's next instructions, ready to show this road and myself that I _was_ capable of doing this. Alice smiled at me.

"Let off the clutch, press the gas, and go." Her voice was full of laughter, but I could hear just a tiny bit of worry in there. No one here was sure how I would take to driving, myself being the least sure. But I took in another deep breath and did as she said, ready to find out the extent of my ability.

The car gently moved forward and I felt myself momentarily panic, my heart stopping for less than half a beat. Then, suddenly, my instincts took over and I never felt more comfortable. The car shot down the driveway, my eyes catching every curve and my hands responding to my sight, easily guiding the car down the black path. Even more than what I could see, I was amazed at what I could _feel_. I could feel the engine humming, the wheels sliding on the dirt path, the vibrations of the whole car coming up through my hands. I just _knew_ when I would need to switch gears, feeling like the transmission was speaking to me personally. Alice didn't say a thing and just smiled at me when I hit the bottom of the driveway and made the sharp turn onto the road, going away from Forks. I switched to second, and then third gear before Alice said a word. I could hear her almost humming with delight next to me.

We drove for a few miles without speaking, once again communicating through silence. Alice was not hard to understand; it was clear how excited she was about my reaction to driving. This was all she could hope for and more. And I had to admit, I was enjoying myself. I was amazed at just how _easy_ the whole ordeal was. I was constantly aware of everything around me: Alice, the car, the road, the other cars for miles ahead of me. I could feel it all and I was confident in my instinctual reactions to each curve and hill in the road. I edged the car a bit faster, loving how it felt to speed up. Driving was not nearly as fun as running – this car couldn't go as fast as I could – but it was a good substitute if I had to pretend to be human. This experience convinced me further that I _could_ do this; I could be a member of this family and I could be 'human'. Nothing was going to stop me at this point. A wide smile spread across my face and Alice smiled with me. She put a hand on my shoulder and lightly gripped it. I just continued to smile and pulled onto a small road and turned the car around, heading back for home.

The drive back was just as exhilarating, if a little more relaxed. Alice talked to me about what she planned to do all day, asking me if I wanted to go into a city later that night to shop. She _promised_ me it wouldn't just be for clothes and I finally agreed. I had no plans, so I didn't see a reason why not. I had no money, but Alice really wanted me to come along, so I couldn't see a reason to refuse. The idea brought forward more worries for me, most of which concerned my lack of money. I wondered where in the world I would get a job around here and how I would get to it. I guessed I would need to buy a car, and apply at different workplaces. The idea was repulsive to me; this was the part of human culture that I dreaded. I tried to push it from my mind, reminding myself that anything was worth doing to belong to this family. Jobs included.

I pulled back into our driveway, weaving up the hill to the garage. Alice pushed the button, opening the door and I pulled the car in, parking it in the same place it had been before we left. Alice smiled at my expert park job and her eyes conveyed just how happy she was. I smiled back, laughing a bit.

"So, did I pass?" My voice laced with laughter.

"With flying colors," Alice said, laughing back at me.

We were climbing out of the car as the door opened and Bella stepped inside. She smiled to Alice, then her eyes locked on me, getting out of the driver's side of the car. Her face never changed, happy as always, but I _swore_ I saw a small passionate look cross her eyes. Was it jealousy? Sadness? Loathing? None of these emotions made any sense, because a second later she greeted us both with a look of pure happiness on her face. Alice greeted her back, apparently oblivious to the strange look Bella had shot me. I was frozen with one hand on the top of the car and the other on the driver's side door. I couldn't quite fathom why I was being so paranoid. Bella was conversing quite calmly with Alice, smiling and laughing at Alice's recount of my first driving experience. Bella congratulated me on my success, her voice not betraying any sense of dislike. I nodded to her, still not quite able to move. I knew Bella liked me; she _had_ been the first real friend I had made here. Maybe her recent absence from my life had begun to play tricks with my mind. I tried to shrug off the weird feeling I had around her, but that small look kept coming back to my mind. She had looked so…_angry._ The sound of my name brought me back to the present.

"So I was wondering if you wanted to go out to Olympia later tonight. I'm starting to get a little restless around here. It's been awhile since we really hung out," Bella was saying to Alice. Alice hesitated and shook her head.

"I actually just made plans with Iris to go into town tonight. You're welcome to come along, though. The more the merrier, right Iris?" Alice turned to me, still smiling. I looked up and finally jumpstarted my body into moving. I stepped back and closed the car door, nodding.

"Absolutely." I looked to Bella and knew this time that I was not making a mistake. Bella looked upset, hurt about something. I figured she was disappointed that she and Alice weren't able to spend time alone together. I was about to come up with a reason why I couldn't go tonight when Bella shrugged and smiled again.

"No, thank you though. I actually could use a night to just relax. Maybe next time." She was still smiling and Alice nodded her head, smiling as well. Bella turned and walked back inside the house, her footsteps graceful and light. Alice followed her and glanced behind to make sure I was coming as well. I shook Bella's odd moods from my mind and walked into the house. Alice and I walked through the entryway and Bella and Rosalie were sitting near each other, discussing something in low voices. They both smiled at us as we walked through and I reassured myself that I was welcome here. These were my _sisters_ now. They would tell me if there was a problem. They received us happily though and Alice skipped over to join them in conversation. The happy scene calmed me down and I felt relaxed again. I excused myself and swiftly walked up to my room. I had just closed the door when I heard Alice's dancing footsteps come up behind me. I turned back around and opened the door.

Alice had her hand extended out in front of her, in it there were two cards. I cautiously reached forward and took them from her hand, examining the one on top. I laughed, loudly, completely unbelieving. It was a driver's license. My picture stood out on the front, my grey eyes staring out at me, a smile on my face. I recognized the picture; Alice had taken it the day after I had agreed to stay with the family. She had taken endless pictures, most of them now adorning her wall. I couldn't go into her room without cringing at the sight of multiple copies of me smiling from her gallery.

I smiled at the license, laughing still at the existence of it. I wondered when she had made this and how, but I didn't ask. This family had a million secrets and my head might explode if I knew too many of them at once. I flipped the card over and over again, examining it. I smiled at Alice, and she smiled back. I slipped the license into the back pocket of my jeans, turning my focus onto the other card in my hand.

It was black and shiny. It looked like a piece of granite, but it was as light as my license had been. I looked up at Alice, confused.

Alice looked just as confused as me. "It's a credit card. You know? You use it to… buy things?" Her eyes were curious and hesitant. She looked worried. I looked back to the card.

Alice had misunderstood my confusion. I _knew_ what a credit card was; I hadn't been living in a cave for the last 80 years. No, I was confused as to why I was holding one. I had no money with which to pay for a credit card, so, ergo, I couldn't own one. I rethought about it, but I was pretty sure my logic made sense. I looked back to Alice. She still looked worried. I finally spoke, and her expression relaxed.

"Yeah, but why do I have one? I don't have any money." My voice was one hundred percent confused. Alice laughed and I narrowed my eyes. I rethought my logic. No, it still made sense; why was she laughing?

"Iris, you're family now. _Mi casa es su casa_ and all that, right?"

"Um…" was all I was able to reply. Alice ruffled my hair and laughed again, turning away and bounding back down the stairs. I stood in the frame of my doorway, still not quite sure what to do. I finally settled on closing the door and sitting on my bed. I inspected the credit card; it was more foreign to me than the idea of driving had been. Sure, I knew I wasn't going to be able to get around without money, but I had a plan for that. This card wasn't really part of that plan. I looked at it again, examining the tiny silver letters embossed near the bottom, reading the name: Iris Cullen. I couldn't quite breathe correctly; the air was caught in my throat. I tried to say the two words, but they wouldn't quite flow together. I put the card on the table next to the bed, stood and walked from my room. I needed to be able to breathe and I wouldn't be able to do that until I got away from the foreign object with my new name stamped into it.

I silently ran down the steps and out the back door. The sky was dark, as usual, but I didn't mind. The cool air felt nice, soothing my spinning mind. I made my way through the trees, glad to hear the river's song not far ahead of me. I finally reached the bank and let my body collapse to the ground. I laid on my back, my eyes closed and my arms stretched out, palms up. I focused on the sound of the water, but my mind wasn't cooperating today.

_Iris Cullen_. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter at the thought. My whole life spun around in front of me; 80 years of uncertainty. Constantly running, never feeling comfortable anywhere. Now I was a _Cullen_. I belonged to a family, had my own room and knew how to drive. I had a _credit card_.

_Ugh_, my mind sighed. Everything had happened so fast and I wasn't in control of any of it. I tried to think clearly. Was this really what I wanted? When I had agreed to stay, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I never imagined that things would be so _different_. Still, when I thought of leaving, my heart felt hollow. I couldn't imagine a world where I couldn't laugh with Alice again, or smile at Carlisle's absolute generosity. Or see Esme's happy eyes. Or hear Emmett's booming laugh. All of these things had already become things I was taking for granted. Without them, my life lost all its meaning. I became the same person I had been; self loathing and barely human, always running away. Was this what I really wanted? Of course it was. Things were different, and happening faster than I would like, but this was absolutely what I wanted. As long as this family wanted me, I would gladly stay. No matter how absurd I found some of these customs, I was thankful that they wanted to share them with me.

I smiled to myself. "Iris Cullen," I said aloud, my voice confident and strong. The two words still wouldn't quite flow, but I would make them. I would push them together until they learned to coincide and mesh. Neither part would overlap the other; I would remember exactly who I was and where that person came from. I could feel a barrier inside my mind breaking down, bit by bit. I could feel myself becoming an entirely new person, and I knew I had no power over any of it. It was hard to relinquish my control and make myself vulnerable, but I could do it. And slowly, bit by bit, I was doing just that.

I finally opened my eyes, gazing up to the sunless grey sky. My mind had settled and I felt relaxed and open. I smiled at the absolute serenity I felt in that small moment; I hadn't ever imagined that feeling was possible until I met this family. Their incomprehensible, uncanny love for me was looming over my self-loathing, threatening to eliminate it completely. A part of me fought for the hatred though; it was part of who I was. Still, this unending struggle brought me a kind of peace. I knew that I would never be like Alice, or Bella; I would always be Iris. And that was something I cherished more than anything else. My time here had taught me that I wasn't going to erase who I was; I could pretend and lie to myself, but eventually my true nature would come back out. And I feared who I would be after all that hatred had been locked away for so long. No, I knew that if I kept my sense of identity, I could keep everything contained. I _could_ be a part of this family. I _would_ be.

I sat up, stretching my back, rolling onto my feet. I ran quickly back to the house, walking through the back door. I could feel my hunger claw ever so slightly at my muscles, making them just a little bit tighter than usual. I hadn't eaten in a few days and I figured I might as well grab something. I walked into the empty kitchen and opened my own personal bread stash. I chuckled again at the collection of different breads and pulled out a piece at random. I grabbed some water and sat at the table and stared out the window. I watched the wind blow the bright green grass back and forth, its dance hypnotizing. I tucked my legs up against my chest, leaning back in the chair, holding my knees with one arm, still chewing on my food. I let my eyes relax and my mind wander. I didn't consider anything in particular; I just kept my eyes on the dancing grass, flowing in sync with the wind. My muscles loosened as my stomach filled and I sipped at the water in front of me.

It began to rain lightly outside, water blurring the dance just a bit. I finished my water and set the glass down on the table, continuing to stare out the window at the rain. My eyes couldn't quite focus on anything and my mind was just floating, roaming free. A black blur came running towards the house from the west, slowing as it reached the door. The rain distorted the figure outside, but even still, I could easily tell who it was from the way they held themselves while they ran. It was odd to see him after so many days of absence, but that was definitely Edward –

The second I thought his name, his head whipped around to look at me. Even through the rain splattered window, I could easily see his golden eyes lock onto me and I raised my arm and gave him a small wave. He took off towards the door, running into the kitchen a second later, stopping next to my chair. He was drenched from the rain outside, and his eyes were wide, staring at me. He grabbed my arm – I still stiffened at the touch – and he smiled at me. I couldn't take my eyes off his; he was looking at me like I was some sort of god. Edward was odd, I knew that, but this was beyond anything I had ever seen him do before.

"Do it again," he said, slightly shaking my arm. I could feel my confusion narrow my eyes and constrict my forehead. His face remained the same; wide-eyed with absolute joy. We sat there, complete contrasts of each other, not saying a word. I began to seriously worry about him; what was he talking about? Do _what_ again? I wondered where he'd been and what had happened to my brother. Had he completely lost his mind? His eyes dropped a bit and his mouth twisted with confusion. But he seemed determined to get me to do whatever it was he wanted me to do.

"Iris, come on. Do it again!" His eyes were wide and pleading. I put my hand on his, really worried now. What the _hell_ was he talking about?

Suddenly he burst out laughing and that solidified my theory. My brother had completely lost his mind. My mouth opened slightly and I worried what exactly I would tell Esme. Edward was still chuckling when he looked at my worried expression and he burst out laughing all over again. Despite my worry, I rolled my eyes at him. What was so _funny_? I decided I would try and bring him back to sanity, no matter how futile it might be.

"Edward, are you okay?" My voice was hesitant and a little frightened. I hoped he would hear my concern and maybe calm down a bit. Of course, it was Edward. So he didn't. It was worth a shot though. He just continued to chuckle at me, his eyes the happiest I've ever seen them. I was just about to go find Alice when he finally caught his breath and spoke.

"Iris, I'm fine. It's just…well I _heard_ you." He smiled at me, but I didn't quite return it. He heard me? I was attempting to figure out what he was talking about when Alice came skipping into the room. She raised her eyebrows at Edward's soaked clothes and my utterly confused expression. She came and stood across from me at the table.

"So, what's going on?" Her eyes locked on mine.

"Don't even look at me. I have _no_ idea." My eyes shifted to Edward, who was still looking at me, happy as a lunatic. Once again, he burst out laughing, the luxurious sound bouncing around the kitchen. Alice's eyes grew wide and I looked at her shrugging. She put her hand on Edward's shoulder and he stopped laughing and just smiled at her.

"Alice, I can hear Iris." Alice's eyes popped open wide and she let out a low gasp.

"Really? That's amazing! What's it like?" She was instantly interested in whatever Edward was talking about. I thought about this strange realization that absorbed both my brother and sister so quickly and I realized almost instantly what Edward was talking about. He could hear my _mind._ I looked up at him, astonished.

"Well, it's fuzzy. I can't hear everything she thinks, just intermittent thoughts. It's like I can only hear what she _wants_ me to," he was saying, considering each new idea he came up with.

"Hmm," Alice said, considering along with him. "Kind of like Bella?"

Edward shook his head. "No, Bella has to exert an effort to let me hear her. Iris doesn't even seem to realize she's doing it." Alice nodded. I rolled my eyes at the third person discussion of me. The two of them were so absorbed in their conversation it was like I wasn't even sitting here. I could be a guinea pig in a science lab for all they took note of my presence.

"Well, it kind of sounds similar to how Iris is with me. I can't see her clearly. Everything is very blurry and very uncertain. I wonder why that is. I mean, I can't see Renesmee at all. What's different about Iris?" Alice looked at me like I was some problem to be figured out. I glared at her. They were discussing me like I was some problematic disease that needed to be solved. Nice.

"I'm not sure. I couldn't hear her at all before today. I'm not sure what's changed." Edward eyed me suspiciously. That threw me over the edge. I rolled my eyes.

"Would you like some blood to test, doctor?" My voice was laced with heavy sarcasm and a little bit of bitterness. They were talking about me like I was some oddity that needed to be tested. It wasn't a thought I was particularly fond of, nor one that I was unfamiliar with. My thoughts momentarily flicked to my father and Edward recoiled and his face got whiter than usual. Well, apparently he saw that.

I stood and walked swiftly from the kitchen, taking the stairs two at a time. I made it to my bedroom door in less than a second and slammed it behind me, sincerely hoping no one else was in the house. I was throwing a ridiculous temper tantrum and I knew it. Edward had never meant any offense; he was curious about his gift and my odd reaction to it. He and Alice were discussing possible theories, not planning to experiment on me. I overreacted and now I felt silly. Still, I sat on the edge of my bed and slumped my shoulders. I stared out the window at the rain now pouring out from the clouds, soaking the ground below. I felt a wetness on my cheek and I wiped at it, hating how weak I was being. I closed my eyes and calmed myself down. I couldn't allow myself to get worked up.

I heard a soft knock on the door and ignored it. The door opened anyway and I closed my eyes even tighter as I felt someone come and sit next to me. I breathed in Edward's scent; one I hadn't smelled in a few weeks. I had missed talking to him and I felt sorry for how I had acted downstairs. Still, I couldn't convince myself to look at him. I settled for just opening my eyes and looking out the window. I tried to focus on the rain, but I could clearly see Edward looking at me out of the corner of my eye. He looked devastated; my thoughts of my father had clearly hurt him.

"Iris, I'm sorry," was all he was able to get out before I sighed and put up my hand. I didn't want to hear his apology; it would just make me feel worse for overreacting.

"Edward, please. I know. Really. _I'm_ sorry." I finally turned and looked at him. He still looked upset, so I sighed and tried to relax my mind the way I had in the kitchen. I opened it as far as I thought I could, which wasn't nearly as easy to do on purpose. _Cheer up_, I thought. Immediately Edward's face broke into a smile and I laughed, happy that I was able to achieve what I had been trying to do. He looked down at his hands, his face still smiling, but his eyes sad. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his head on top of mine. He laughed lightly and I pulled away, looking at him.

"So, where have you been? I was graced with a few days without your constant teasing," I asked. He smiled down at me, but just shrugged. I let it go at that; if he didn't feel like telling me that was fine. I looked back out the window, staring again at the rain. The sound of the water dancing off my window soothed me, reminding me of the river's song. Without even considering it, my mind was thinking back to all the things I did while he was gone, all the things that had changed in my life. I thought about the person I was becoming and the people that were shaping me that way. All the thoughts of the past few days flew through my mind. My mind flicked from my new driver's license, to the black card sitting on my bedside table, to the feel of a steering wheel beneath my fingers to the look of those silver letters embossing my new name. _Iris Cullen_. It felt oddly therapeutic to relive all the things that had happened the past few days, and I wasn't quite sure why.

Just then Edward looked over at me, the look in his eyes completely unreadable. He stood and his eyes left mine. He walked around the side of the bed and began to walk to the bedroom door. He stopped suddenly and his eyes twitched to the black card sitting on the table and then to me. His mouth stretched into a crooked smile and he left the room, closing the door behind him. I turned back to the window, closing my eyes. I realized that Edward had heard my every thought about the last few days. I expected myself to feel angry and betrayed at the invasion of privacy, but, honestly, I was relieved. It was _nice_ to be able to share my thoughts with someone without having to gather the courage to say them aloud. I was glad that I now had someone else here to help me share the burden of this new life. Still, without knowing what his reaction was to my thoughts, I couldn't be sure if I _always_ wanted to share my feelings. I had done quite well keeping my mind locked away in its private place. How long would it be until Edward saw something in my head that he didn't want to see? _Not too long_, my mind whispered. I also worried, intensely, about what had changed in me to let him see inside my head. Exactly how much of my former self was I really losing?

I continued to stare out the window, listening to the rain tap out its song, searching for and failing to find my answers in the swirl of dark clouds filling the sky.


	14. Passions

Passions

I don't remember exactly how long I sat, staring out the window, completely lost in my own thoughts, but eventually a knock on my door brought me back to reality. Alice came dancing into my room, smiling with her lips, but not her eyes. Clearly Edward had explained that I was fine and she was trying to keep the attitude light. I smiled back at her to attempt to relax her. It seemed to work; she leapt onto my bed and sat next to me.

"So, when do you want to leave?" Her eyes roamed my room, her voice nonchalant. I looked at her confused, trying to figure out what she was talking about. She looked back at me expectant and I suddenly remembered the plans we had made to go into the city tonight. I groaned inwardly, racking my brain for an excuse to cancel. Alice seemed to sense what I was trying to do and her face fell, her eyes dropping to her lap. She waited patiently for my excuse, her eyes never leaving her lap. I felt immediately guilty and knew I couldn't do it. Especially after the fit I had thrown downstairs; I really owed it to Alice to give her a night out. I tried to eliminate all of the reluctance in my voice as I answered her.

"How about in an hour? That will give us some time to…get ready," I said, hoping she didn't hear the pause in my speech. It would give _her_ time to get ready; it would give _me_ time to mentally prepare. Alice's face lit up with a wide smile, her brilliant teeth flashing. She nodded her head and jumped up, rushing out my bedroom door. I sighed, ran my fingers through my hair and stood up. I went into my closet and looked around at all the clothes inside it. It was amazing; too many outfits to count but still it was nearly impossible for me to find something to wear. Alice just didn't buy me many regular clothes. I would have to get some more when I was out.

The thought of me _buying_ things sent my head spinning again. I had never taken pride in stealing; it was a crime of necessity, but that never made it right. It was something I avoided at all costs. Still, the idea of me having the _money_ to legally buy an object was foreign to me. I remembered the shiny black card sitting on my bedside table and I rested my head against the wall. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. When the world stopped spinning, I grabbed a dark green t-shirt and slipped it over my head. I left my closet and quickly grabbed my credit card before I could think twice about what I was doing. I jammed it in my back pocket and hoped I could mostly forget about it.

I walked down the stairs to the first floor to find Alice standing there waiting. It had barely been half an hour, but of course she was ready and impatient to leave. I shrugged at her and grinned. I kept walking past her to the kitchen and heard a light growl from behind me.

"I said an hour," I called over my shoulder. I heard Alice sigh and follow me to the kitchen. I threw myself into a chair at the table and Alice just stood in front of me, staring. I continued to grin at her, ready to sit here for another half an hour just to tease her. Unfortunately, Alice knew how to toy with me and she screwed her face up into a mask of utter despair. She looked so sad and disappointed. I rolled my eyes at her and stood up. I grabbed a glass of water from the sink and drank it in one gulp. I turned to Alice and sighed and motioned for us to go out the door. Alice grinned and clapped twice, turning and rushing out the door. I followed her, moving slower than was really necessary.

We entered the garage and Jasper was there. He had a tight, black leather jacket on and his blonde hair was pushed back from his face, flaring out behind him. Only bits of his intense scars showed from beneath the jacket, giving him a ferocious, but not frightening, appearance. I knew very little about this foster brother, but I had an instinctual love for him; it was clear his life had not been easy and I admired his strength. Plus, he loved Alice more than anything in the world; a feeling I could empathize with. Alice was constantly the rock that held me down, the object I could hold onto when I felt like I was losing my mind. I was pretty sure Jasper felt the same way about her.

Alice and he shared a quick smile, the look in their eyes making me subconsciously envious. The two shared a bond deeper than anything I had ever known. It had to be relieving to know that there would always be another person in this world that you could rely on. The other's happiness was all that mattered to both of them. I felt very out of place standing next to them while they shared something so deep. I looked past them and tried to focus on something else in the garage.

The emotional glance only lasted a second, maybe two, and Jasper turned to me and smiled. I waved back at him, glad to feel a little more comfortable. I'm sure Jasper felt my unease earlier and was trying to help relax me.

"Hey Jasper. You coming out with us tonight?" My voice slightly echoed around the large garage, but Jasper's chuckle barely made a sound. Everything about the vampire was subtle. Alice giggled along with him and he just shook his head.

"I've seen Alice in action. I try and keep as far away as I can from that." He shot Alice another gentle smile. "But you two have fun."

I sighed and Alice giggled again. Jasper climbed onto a giant, pitch black motorcycle which stood at his side. He started it up and took off out of the garage, leaving us without another word. Alice led me over to the silver Volvo and opened the driver's side door. She pointed at me and then walked over and climbed in the passenger's side. I rolled my eyes but climbed into the driver's side without any reluctance. I wasn't afraid to drive anymore; I knew how natural it felt. I reached up and hit the button to open the garage door and started the car. Just as I got it into first gear and the car started moving, I noticed a figure looking at us from the doorway of the house. I glanced back and Bella was standing there, her arms crossed and tense. Her hands were in fists and her eyes seemed fierce. I turned back to the road, focusing completely on getting out onto the drive and disappearing into the night.

My glance had been quick and unfocused, but the loathing in Bella's eyes couldn't have been any clearer.

~*~

On our way to the city, Alice never really stopped talking. She chatted constantly about things she had been doing, what she still had on her endless 'to-do' lists and what she really wanted to do in the city. She interlaced this monologue with directions to get to the city which I followed flawlessly. All in all, there wasn't much room for me to talk. I would comment on different things, but mostly Alice kept up the conversation for us both. Eventually she flicked on the radio and scanned through it, stopping and singing along with her favorite songs. It didn't seem to matter what station it was, or what era the song was from, Alice knew all the words. She seemed to share the same enthusiasm for music that Edward had and I enjoyed seeing the absolute joy she seemed to possess when listening to music.

On the outside, I was a definite mirror of Alice, laughing and joking along with her stories, humming the melodies of the songs on the radio that I knew. I kept the mood of the car ride light because I knew Alice really wanted a night out. On the inside, however, the two of us couldn't be more of a contrast. I couldn't help but dwell on the look Bella seemed to have when she stood in the doorway. There was no way to be sure, but I could have sworn that her eyes had been locked on me, loathing so perfectly displayed on her face and posture. I couldn't figure out what had happened; so many times recently I had seen Bella look off, but I had brushed it from my mind. This time she hadn't just looked off, she had looked murderous. Not at all the Bella I thought I knew. I couldn't concentrate on anything properly, all I could think of was that terribly frightening look in her eyes. That's probably why I didn't realize where we were until Alice pulled on my arm.

"Iris? We're here. Go ahead and park anywhere." I came back and was shocked to realize that I was still driving and that we were now under the bright streetlights and neon signs of the city. I quickly pulled the car into a spot on the side of the road and Alice and I climbed out of the car. Alice was looking at me oddly, but she didn't say anything. I looked around the street we were on; it was very commercial. There were stores lining each side, their windows advertising sales and new styles. I looked to Alice and she smiled and walked across the street into a clothing store. I sighed; I knew she had been lying when she said no clothes shopping. Still, I followed her across the road and inside.

Despite Alice's promises, we spent the majority of our night in clothes stores. Thankfully though, this time the shopping wasn't all for me. Alice ended up in the dressing room most of the night, coming out to ask me what I thought and then would disappear again. I didn't know why she wasted time trying the clothes on; they all fit her exactly and she looked extraordinary in everything she picked out. When I asked her about it, she merely said that it was all part of the experience. I didn't know what that was really supposed to mean, but I didn't press the matter, as Alice had just disappeared behind the dressing room door again.

True to my earlier promise to myself, I looked around at the clothes in the store. Alice was more than enthusiastic when she saw me with a few items in my arms, ready to try them on. She shoved me in a dressing room next to hers and we would show off our outfits to each other. Alice would pull off a full fashion show, doing a graceful dance down the long hallway of rooms, making me laugh when she would do an absurd pose at the end of her catwalk. She would laugh back with me and change the outfit and do it all again.

Eventually we got together the clothes we intended to buy and got into line. Alice bought all her clothes in a flash and I threw my pile of outfits onto the counter, ready for my turn. The cashier didn't even look up at me; she just scanned all the tags on the clothes and threw them into a bag. She read me off the total amount, a number half of what Alice's had been. With shaking fingers, I pulled the credit card from my pocket and handed it to the girl. The girl scanned it through, handed it back to me and handed me my bag, my receipt inside. I froze for a second, amazed at how _ordinary_ it had all been. I didn't know what I had expected; I mean, I had purchased things before. But things were different now. My credit card had a name on it that I was barely even used to. I had expected the girl to see through my façade and demand to know why I was pretending to be something I wasn't. I was afraid that I wouldn't have been able to answer her. The girl did finally look up at me then and she gave me a pointed look, irritated that I wasn't moving out of the way for the next customer. I kick started my brain back into action and grabbed my bag and hurried after Alice out the door.

Alice went into a few more clothes stores, ones where I didn't buy anything. We spent a few hours in and out of those and Alice was about to enter another when I spotted a small bookstore, dimly lit from the inside. Alice groaned when I suggested it but I insisted that I wanted to take a look. She mumbled something about being '_so_ boring', but I ignored her. This was really the first store I had any excitement about at all that night. We walked in the door and the smell of paper hit me, bringing me back to the days when libraries were my only home. A wide smile broke across my face and I immediately began picking up books and looking at them, getting a sense of their stories. Alice followed me around also looking, if a little bored, at the pages. She kept quiet though, not saying anything about wanting to leave. She could tell what a good time I was having, and I was thankful that she let me have this one experience.

After only a few moments I had a large pile of books in my arms and I looked to Alice, somewhat pleading.

"Would it be okay if I got a few of these?" My voice was quiet; I felt very odd asking anyone to buy things for me. Alice rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Iris, you can buy anything you want. You are _family_ now. Go ahead!" She seemed frustrated by my consistent aversion to spending money. It seemed like she didn't quite understand why _I_ didn't understand. I just smiled widely at her and skipped off to the front of the store, happy to have a big collection of books to read. Now I could occupy my time easily.

The man behind the counter of this store was much nicer to me, smiling and making small comments on the books I had chosen. The joy from finding all these books made me slightly delusional and I found myself engaging in a conversation with this man, smiling at him. He finished scanning the books and I handed him my card, more confident this time. The transaction went through immediately and I happily thanked the man for my books and left with Alice. She seemed to be giggling at something, and I didn't know what, but I could only guess it was at me. I rolled my eyes at her and she grinned, leading me into another clothes store.

After a short while, Alice admitted that she was done shopping and we walked back to the car, talking the whole way about the night we'd had. When we finally got to the car, Alice slipped into the driver's seat, giving me the chance to look through my book purchases on the way home. I wasn't totally able to concentrate on them because Alice kept talking to me and asking questions, waiting for my input to the conversation, but I was happy to know that the literature was in my possession. I hadn't realized quite how much I missed reading until I got my hands on a few books.

It was just as we were pulling up to the garage door that I suddenly remembered why I had been so tense on the ride to the city. Bella's odd mood swings came back to me in full force and I could feel myself grow apprehensive. Alice took no notice of the slight shift of my mood and just continued chatting away to me. I kept my breathing normal and my attitude calm, but I couldn't help letting my mind panic a little. I didn't know why Bella was angry, or if it was even at me, but my instincts told me that things weren't right.

Alice parked the car in the garage and I noted that Jasper's motorcycle was still gone. Alice often spent more time with me when Jasper wasn't around; when he was, they were otherwise occupied. I wondered if she would let me spend a bit of time to myself tonight, or if she would insist we have a 'girl's night' until I finally passed out, too exhausted to speak anymore. I desperately hoped it would be the first choice. If I could just hide out in my room maybe I could avoid Bella's wrath, if it was coming at all.

When Alice turned the car off, I sprung out of the car a little more anxiously than necessary. Alice threw me an odd look but I just ignored her and grabbed my bags from the back of the car. I saw my collection of new books and felt myself get immediately happier. I threw the clothes bag over my wrist, but cuddled the books close to my heart like some small child. Alice easily balanced all her bags in her hands and pushed her door closed with her hip. She smiled at me and led the way into the house.

I didn't see Bella in the entryway nor could I sense her presence in the house. I breathed an unconscious sigh of relief and felt guilty for it. Why was I afraid of Bella? She was my sister; I should be looking for her to find out what was wrong. Yet, something in the deepest part of my mind warned me that I needed to be careful around her. I just rolled my eyes at my paranoia; I _really_ wasn't used to family life. I decided that next time I saw Bella I would try and start a conversation with her. Maybe she would tell me what was wrong and maybe I could help her out.

Alice and I walked up the stairs one behind the other and I was thankful that she stopped at her room and said goodbye to me, thanking me for the great night. I just nodded and smiled, telling her we'd do it again sometime soon. With that she smiled widely and disappeared behind her bedroom door. I continued on up the stairs to the third floor and down to the end of the hallway to my room.

I felt instantly better when I got my door closed. This room had been my safe haven from the very beginning, offering me protection from the foreign ideals of my new family. Now I was getting much more comfortable, but still, this room offered me the privacy that my old identity craved so desperately. I loved my family, but the call of the dark forest constantly pulled at half my soul. Living a high profile life wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped it would be.

I laid my clothes down on the sofa, vowing to put them away later. Right now I had something so much more interesting pulling at my mind. I slipped into my comfortable sweatpants and grabbed my bag of books, setting them down next to my giant bed. I was about to lay down when another idea came to my mind. I turned around and looked at the CD collection coming out from the wall behind me. I walked over to it, eyeing it suspiciously. The tangible proof of my brother's music obsession was dauntingly large, but I pushed my inexperience with music aside. I picked a CD at random from the very beginning of the collection and turned to the large black CD player sitting in the corner of the room. I sighed at its multiple buttons and knobs. This machine was scarier than a car. I glared at the thing, begging it to open. It didn't, so I decided it was time to take some action. I located the word 'Open' near the top of the monstrosity, but there were multiple buttons surrounding the word. I closed my eyes, held my breath, and pushed a button near the word. I don't know what I expected – maybe a spontaneous combustion? – but the disc tray opened, rotated around, and presented me with an open slot. I smiled, extremely pleased with myself, and placed the CD in the slot. I pushed the button again and the tray closed and the music started playing. It was classical, some piano arrangement. I shrugged at the music choice and jumped into my bed.

I dove under the thick blanket and burrowed my head into the pillow, letting my hair fan out behind me. I reached down next to my bed and picked a book up randomly without looking at it. I briefly looked at the cover, smiling, remembering my different choices. I let out a sigh of pure joy and opened the book to the first page and began reading. I marveled at the flow of the words from page to page, each letter in each word coming together to form a means of communication. I instantly lost myself in the love of even just the intricacies of the language, let alone the story of the novel. The music wove itself into a beautiful melody, each song flowing seamlessly into the next, just like the sentences of the story I held in my hands. The two arts – literature and music – lived harmoniously in my mind, joyous to finally be able to fit together. Quickly it became deeply obvious to me where Edward's love for music came from. It so fit my love for books that it was easy to imagine myself loving music in the near future. Suddenly Edward's collection didn't seem so daunting or pretentious; who wouldn't want to collect as much of their passion as they could? It only made sense.

I laid in my bed for hours, reading by the moonlight, listening to the piano music continue on and on. I realized that one CD must have ended and another had begun, but this piano was also beautiful and melodic, so it didn't bother me. I wasn't conscious of my mind becoming tired; I had already lost my grip on reality, my sanity drifting to live among the words on the pages in front of me. Looking back, I cannot distinguish when my mind drifted off to sleep, because the images in my head stayed alive. For the first time I really remember, I dreamed. Nothing concrete, more images of color, each one twisting with another, creating new beautiful shades I had never seen before. They danced slowly at first, never faltering, then spinning so fast sometimes that I couldn't distinguish a color at all. I felt like an intruder on this strange ballroom; my form could never be so graceful, could never create such beauty. Yet the colors seemed to sing to me, to call my name. None had a specific voice, or tone, but a collective sound. It was a laughing sound, so playful; it matched the music floating through the air.

The next thing I really remember is the knock on my door. It rang softly through the room, but woke me from what I realized to be my first dream. I grudgingly opened my eyes and saw Edward's form in the doorway. He seemed momentarily stunned as he evaluated my form tucked beneath the blankets, the book still clutched in my hand and the music softly playing from his stereo. He didn't seem to be able to decide on what to do, so I sat up in bed and waved him in.

"What's up, Edward?" My voice was light, still somewhat tired. He shook his head slightly and walked in and sat on my bed.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you. I didn't know you'd be asleep. I just heard the music." He nodded toward the stereo, still softly playing piano.

I shook my head. "No, no, don't worry about it. Sorry for leaving the music on, I hope I didn't bother anyone. It was very peaceful, I must have fallen asleep." I shrugged and went to turn the music off. Edward's hand stopped me and he shook his head.

"No, please, leave it on. I haven't listened to this in awhile. Do you know it?" His eyes were questioning.

"No, sorry. I just picked something at random. It's beautiful though. It seems I've grown to love the piano in only a few short hours," I said with a light laugh. I felt somewhat embarrassed at having to admit I didn't know the musician, but I wasn't about to start a music trivia war with Edward. That was just not a smart move. I would have to look at the CD case more closely next time so he couldn't gloat over me.

At first it looked like he was going to show off his knowledge and start listing the musician who composed the piece then every musician who ever played it since, but he stopped. He laughed a loud chuckle.

"I am a bit of a show-off, aren't I? That's not very polite of me." I looked up at his mischievous grin, amazed, then realized how relaxed my mind must be. He could hear me quite clearly right now. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him, throwing my head back onto the pillow.

"That is going to get _extremely_ annoying, Edward. I have no idea how anyone in this family can put up with it." He laughed louder at me and I just rolled my eyes again. "I'm just going to have to avoid you now, you know."

He pulled on my arm, tugging me to a sitting position again. "I'm sorry. I'm just not very good at ignoring it. I _can_ be polite if I make an effort."

I laughed sarcastically. Like that was ever going to happen; Edward wouldn't make an effort towards something that would ever inconvenience him. I saw his smile widen and I knew he heard that.

"Alright, that's it! Out." I pointed at the door and shoved at him. He laughed harder and I pushed him to the edge of the bed. He put up his hands, but continued laughing as he walked from the room. I sighed as he closed the door and I laid back down. Edward was going to be a headache from now on, and I knew it. I closed my eyes, grumbling to myself about how very irritating my favorite brother was.

Despite my exasperation at my brother, my mind found sleep once again quite easily. I was anxious as I felt the blackness press itself into my mind; I wasn't sure if I wanted to dream again. On one hand, the images had been magnificent. The colors' dance was more supernatural and unearthly than anything I had ever seen in my existence. Even in the imperfect memory of the dream, I was mesmerized by the flawless beauty. Yet, contrarily, the dream frightened me. To my knowledge, I had never experienced anything like it before. All of my nights of sleep had always been black and uneventful. Sleep was a tool used to refuel my mind and nothing more. This new element threw me off balance and I was afraid of the foreign experience. If I dreamt, what stopped me from having nightmares? And if I dreamt about nightmarish things – I had seen enough of those things in my lifetime – would I be able to control my power in my sleep? All these questions were unanswered and they haunted me as my mind gave into the oblivion of sleep.

To my relief – or was it disappointment? – I did not dream the rest of the night. I woke in the morning as the light slanted over my face and I opened my eyes after seeing nothing but black for hours. My room was in one piece and I noticed the stereo was still playing music. I felt guilty for the waste of leaving it on all night and immediately jumped up and hit the power button. The light piano music ended abruptly and after a whole night of music, the silence surrounding me felt odd and out of place. I adjusted to the lack of sound quickly though, falling back into a mindset of 80 years past. Silence and I were no strangers to each other. Still, I could not deny that I missed the beautiful lilting melody of the piano.

I heard a light laugh from downstairs and I drew myself from my thoughts. I changed quickly into a plain black t-shirt and a pair of black jeans I had bought yesterday. The pale skin of my arms caught my eye, contrasting intensely with the dark color of my clothing. I ran my hand over the soft skin, its temperature comfortable and average, as always. The smooth, silk-like feel distracted me for half a second; it felt so human sometimes it was strange to me. It was hard to remember sometimes that I looked average on the outside. I knew what a monster I was on the inside; it was so uncanny that no one could see that from looking at me. I shook my head and slowly walked from my room.

I lazily slid down the stairs, my pace indicative of my mindset. I had nothing to do today and I hoped something would present itself soon. I wondered what everyone else did with all their free time; it was quite amazing to think of how much I had of it now. Finding a hobby had never really occurred to me before, but now I guessed it was the only thing that would keep me sane. My mind wandered back to the books sitting beside my bed upstairs; I could spend all day reading if I would allow myself. I guessed though that I would have to be social for a few minutes at least. Else I was sure Alice would drag me out of my room, demanding that she and I go shopping again to make up for lost time. I groaned at the thought.

I reached the bottom of the stairs and spotted Rosalie's golden blonde curls from behind a wall at the far end of the room. I heard her murmur something about 'a curved cut' to an unseen companion and I heard Alice's voice agree with her. I smiled and walked over to see my two sisters. As I approached, Rosalie looked up and met my eyes. I was surprised to see her happy; she was usually in such a bad mood. She didn't quite smile at me, but her eyes seemed to welcome me over. I rounded the corner and Alice smiled at me quickly before returning her eyes to a huge computer monitor sitting in front of her. She was touching the monitor, her fingers scanning over the screen, flying in all different angles and directions. I walked around her back to get a better view.

On the display there was a magnified version of a beautiful evening gown. It was tight fitting around the 3-D model on the screen, showing off the woman's shape, her hips and waist emphasized skillfully. The dress was mostly a deep scarlet with one black twist of color coming down from one shoulder and encircling the dress's waistline. The two colors together brought out the model's pale skin and beautiful golden curls. It was not hard to imagine who this computer model was representing. I suppressed a sigh; this fictional creation of computer ingenuity still couldn't hold a candle to Rosalie's beauty. I wondered if the vain vampire next to me would ever find her equal anywhere on this earth.

"Wow, Rosalie, Alice, that looks amazing," I said, after a low whistle escaped my lips. I was amazed to see both Alice and Rosalie turn to beam at me. They both were immensely proud of this creation of theirs.

"Thanks, Iris. It was mostly Alice's vision though. She can do some amazing things," Rosalie said, her eyes soft and kind when she looked to Alice. I had never seen Rose quite so…gentle before. It truly suited her.

"Well, I'm sure you'll look terrific in it. Nice job, Alice." I turned my eyes back to the screen, my mind running over the whole ensemble again. Alice turned to me, expectant and overly excited and I immediately grew anxious. Alice being excited was always reason to panic.

"I would be glad to do you next, Iris. Oh, _please_, can I? Oh, I have just the idea. Please, Iris?" Her eyes begged me, but I laughed lightly at her. I was getting better at resisting her large, topaz eyes. I shook my head.

"Um, probably not, Alice. But, we'll see. You never know…" Rosalie giggled at my joke and Alice rolled her eyes and turned back to the computer monitor, losing herself in the design again. Rosalie leaned closer and the two were lost in creativity, my presence forgotten. I watched Alice and Rosalie toil for a bit, but felt a little intrusive so I wandered back out to the main entryway.

I found Emmett there, lying fully extended on a couch, flipping through TV stations. I lowered myself lightly into an armchair by his side and he looked up momentarily, throwing me a kind smile before going back to skimming TV channels. He froze momentarily on a documentary about bear hunting, his finger hovering over the channel button for a slight second. I wasn't quite sure what so appealed to him about this one, seemingly boring, channel, but he moved on a second later, so I didn't ask. With Emmett, it seemed that nothing was hidden too deep. I enjoyed the fact that I wouldn't need to dig to find this very playful brother's personality. He wore his kind heart proudly on his sleeve.

"So, Iris, are we going to have another rematch sometime soon?" Emmett's eyes never left the TV and his tone was playful, laughing. I smiled as I thought of our last fight; it had been fun. The resulting rest of the day had not been, but Emmett had nothing to do with that. I wouldn't mind letting him get another shot at me. I would even make it fair and would try not to use my power.

"Anytime, anyplace, Emmett," I replied, my tone teasing. He turned his head to look at me and I flashed him a playful grin. He returned my grin tenfold, his eyes glinting with excitement and he nodded his head once at me. He turned back to the TV, flipping the channels again, but his smile didn't lessen, not even slightly. I settled myself into the cushioned armchair, content with watching my brother's indecision-based debate with the television.

It was comforting, being there. I could still hear Alice and Rosalie in the next room, debating now over how long to make the slit in the leg of the dress. Each of their tones was light and curious, not in the least bit aggressive. They were two artists merely having a conversation, trading opinions back and forth. I smiled at their goodwill and the bond they shared with each other. I began to really admire Rosalie; she could be quite intuitive, when she wasn't in a bad mood. I could see where she and Emmett could fall in love. I glanced back to my massive brother, still flicking through the channels. They both had simple minds; not stupid. No, they were both brilliant. But they were simple; they knew what they wanted and nothing complicated things. I envied their complacency and their assurance in each other. They knew they were perfect for each other. Just a simple fact, nothing left to complicate their lives. I was pretty sure even they did not know how lucky they were.

After a short time, I heard the back door of the house open and close. I heard two different sets of footsteps coming through the house towards us. I recognized one set easily and groaned; Edward was coming and no doubt he would be just as irritating as last night. The other set was a bit heavier, not quite as lithe as my brother's. Edward rounded the corner first, coming into my line of view. He seemed especially happy today, his joy radiating from his face. I didn't have to look far to see the source of his bliss though; Renesmee was sitting in his arms, her own small arms wrapped around his neck. Next to him walked someone I had met, but knew very little about: Jacob. This odd not-quite-member of the Cullen family was nearly a mystery to me. I knew from our first encounter that he was a shape-shifter and I wasn't quite sure what that meant, especially when it came to me. Did he resent me? See me as the monster I knew I was? Or did he see me as kin? A sister of some sort? I couldn't be sure and I hadn't asked. I didn't like to bring up the – _uncomfortable_ – subject of my horrific genetics if it wasn't necessary. I settled for being wary of this man; it was all I could do.

Edward smiled at me as he walked in, but Jacob's eyes grew slightly wide. I could tell from that small gesture that he felt exactly the same way about me that I felt about him. I couldn't hold back the small smirk that adorned my face. Edward smiled wider at me and gave me a slight nod. I rolled my eyes and glared at him. He shrugged quickly and looked to his daughter as she pulled on his arm. He hesitated slightly, but set her down. She walked gracefully over to me and crawled onto my lap. I looked down at the child and wasn't quite sure what to do. She looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes and I couldn't help but smile. She smiled back and put her hand to the base of my throat, touching me lightly.

Her memories flooded my brain, but they were not aggressive. She was merely showing me some of the things she had done with her father today, how they had spent most of the beginning of the day with Jacob. It was as ordinary as a child telling you about their day, except it was done in Renesmee's unique style. I felt myself smile, though I was still lost in her memories. She remembered back to a few nights ago when she had asked her father about me, and whether I would stay with the family. Edward had said that he'd hoped so. She had taken pleasure in that. I moved my hand to her own and lightly removed it from my neck.

Her face swam back into view and she looked at me questioningly. I just lightly squeezed her hand and smiled at her. I picked her up carefully and set her on her feet. She complied and went back to her father. Edward picked her up and cradled her lovingly in his arms. I smiled at his gentle eyes as he looked at her. He never looked as complacent as when he looked at Renesmee. I ran my fingers through my hair and turned my attention back to the TV Emmett was _still_ flicking through.

I saw Jacob approach my side and I stiffened. I glanced up into his eyes and narrowed mine a bit. But he just smiled at me and tilted his head to the side.

"Hey, would you mind taking a walk with me?"


	15. New

New

I hadn't seen a reason to refuse. I nodded my head and stood up, following him as he walked past Edward, pausing to kiss Renesmee lightly on the head, and stepped outside, into the backyard. We walked for a few feet in silence, me trailing slightly behind him. I wasn't sure how much this walk was going to accomplish like this, but I wasn't here to make enemies. I would let this Jacob's intentions unfold for themselves. I was patient; I could wait.

When we reached the riverbank, Jacob did finally stop and look at me.

"So." His dark eyes were slightly tight around the edges, but otherwise he was smiling at me. I decided I would play along.

"So," I replied. He chuckled slightly.

"Well, I guess it would be fair to introduce ourselves, huh? I'm Jacob." He extended his hand.

"Sure. I'm Iris." I took his hand in mine, and though I expected it, the warmth flowing through the skin was unbelievable. The heat seemed even more exaggerated because I had grown so used to the icy feel of the Cullens' skin. He seemed to react somewhat similarly. Hanging out with vampires was not easy for either of us. It was something we both were still trying to get used to. We dropped our hands after a few seconds, but I still continued to look at him, mesmerized slightly. I wasn't sure how I felt about this man, such an obvious symbol of my more disgusting side. Looking at him reminded me of everything I hated about myself. Still, he seemed friendly enough. Playful, like Emmett. I instinctively knew I would enjoy his company if I could put my own past behind me. Which, of course, I couldn't. But still. His playful smile was somewhat endearing.

We continued to look at each other, our staring becoming somewhat uncomfortable. This was the first person I had really felt odd being silent with; I wondered why that was. He seemed equally uncertain in our quiet eye-lock. He did finally break it, turning his head slightly away, his eyes locking on something over the forest. After being with Edward for so long, it was a shock to see someone break eye contact first. _I could get used to _this, I thought, a wide smirk covering my face.

Jacob's voice sounded uncertain when he spoke. "So, you don't know who your mother was?" His eyes remained locked on the tree tops and his mouth tightened a bit. I knew he must be wary of my reaction; I wasn't best known for controlling my temper. Still, I felt no anger towards the question. It was a common thing to wonder about, I suppose. She was somewhat like him.

"No, I don't," I replied, my voice calm, bringing his eyes back to my face. "She was a runaway and I never figured out where she was from." I tried to keep my eyes calm and confident. I would not waver in my control. Jacob's face got confused though, and his eyes narrowed. He began muttering quickly under his breath, but I caught everything he said.

"They didn't tell you? How could they not? I thought at least Edward would say something; he has such a big mouth. I wonder why Bella would want to keep this from you. Well, she's been acting so weird lately…" His low mutterings would have continued if I hadn't cleared my throat and raised my eyebrows at him. He looked up and seemed to realize that I was still standing here. I looked at him with intense impatience.

"Would you mind filling me in?" My voice mirrored my impatient eyes.

"Um…" His eyes flicked back towards the house and he seemed to consider things for a second. Then finally he shrugged and nodded. "It's not a huge deal; just information I thought they would tell you." He paused again, and his eyes locked with mine.

"Your mother came from my tribe." His voice was calm and confident, just as mine had been seconds before. I was one hundred percent sure that if I was able to speak my voice would no longer hold that same confidence. My vision slowly spun, beginning to blur the person standing in front of me. My mind wasn't quite comprehending the information it had just been given and it was threatening to just shut down. I had to try and keep myself alert, so I tried to make sense of his words.

"She…came from…," I started, but wasn't quite able to finish the statement. I shook my head, closing my eyes tightly. "How do you know this?"

"Well, um, my tribe is the only one that can…you know…change." Jacob stuttered through the sentence, clearly confused. "No one told you any of this?" His still deep voice was a bit higher than usual. He really seemed to think I was playing some sort of joke on him. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

This information hit me as a shock at first, but the blinding truth was settling a bit. It was the pure surprise of the announcement which had rendered me mute; I had looked for years for my mother then years after that for her origins and found nothing. Now here was the answer, packed away in this small town that seemed to contain more surprises than my mind could handle. I looked back to Jacob. I couldn't tell what he was thinking; it seemed like he was trying hard not to smile.

"Yeah. The only ones who can shift are direct descendents from the Quileute leaders," Jacob said very calmly. "I've asked my dad about it, but he doesn't know any stories about runaways, so I couldn't tell you exactly who your mother was. But since, well, you can, you know…well, she has to be from our tribe."

Each new piece of information Jacob flung at me lodged itself in my already too full brain. He was speaking so calmly, completely unaware that he was ripping open a hole below me and I was barely balancing on the edge of it. My mother was the descendent of a Quileute elder (I could only assume that related to the tribe), her identity was unknown (and would probably remain so to me forever), and I was, by some odd distant relationship, related to this man standing in front of me. Jacob seemed to realize the same fact as I did, and I suddenly understood the small smile playing at his lips. I was feeling very woozy all of a sudden; then I realized I hadn't taken a breath since Jacob told me where my mother was from. I took a deep breath and my mind repaid the favor by giving me some sanity.

"How many of…us…are there?" My voice broke slightly as I spoke and I looked away, through the trees, half expecting the rest of my disjointed family to come bounding towards me at any point.

"A good amount, actually," Jacob said, still so damn calmly. "There're seventeen of us altogether." My eyes grew wide and he chuckled. "Yeah, too many if you ask me. It gets a little crowded sometimes." He sighed lightly and I waited for more. He didn't speak again, just shrugged at me. I had a million questions flying around my mind, but I couldn't grip one to voice it. I settled for just staring at this…_brother_…of mine and sinking to the ground. Jacob looked concerned for a second, but he sat in front of me. I put my fingertips to my temples and tried to rub out the questions I knew I had to ask.

"Do they know about me?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer. As with the Cullens, I had no idea how this species would react to me. Just because the Cullens were insane, that didn't mean that no one else could see me for what I was. I was a monster and I was almost sure that this new Quileute group would want me taken care of.

Jacob nodded solemnly. "Yeah, they do. That was kind of unavoidable. The group of us work a bit differently than you do, I think. We aren't able to keep secrets from each other." I just nodded and dropped my head to my hands. Would this never end? I was stupid to think that I was able to live a 'normal' life. It was impossible. I would have to run now. I could feel my eyes stinging as I thought of packing my leather bag and leaving. What could I possibly say to the family I had grown to love? Who had, impossibly, grown to love me?

Jacob's heavy hand gripped my shoulder. The heat emanating from his hand was unbelievable; I could feel it through the cloth of my shirt. I wondered why I had never noticed it before. I looked back up into his eyes and the dark orbs held my attention. They were so very different than the usually golden eyes of the Cullens; these eyes seemed harder to read. It was hard to believe, but I could see more complexity to this young boy's eyes than I could in my 108 year-old brother's. This boy had seen a lot and had grown up fast in such a short period of time. He wasn't allowed a childhood; he had a responsibility thrust upon him. A responsibility that, part of him, at least, resented. I respected and pitied this person sitting in front of me. I barely knew him and already I knew I was lucky to be counted among his kin.

Jacob's small smile broke my solemn thoughts and his white teeth broke a small concrete wall surrounding my heart. It was so plainly genuine that I couldn't resist smiling back. I was heartened to know that this was the one part of this boy that life couldn't steal from him. He could make his own happiness and I could tell that he was determined to enjoy his life, no matter what fate threw at him. He was taking it all in stride.

"It's fine, Iris," he said through his smile. The sound of my name in Jacob's playful tone made my heart skip a jump. "No one is after you. You really get pretty paranoid, huh?" He chuckled a bit. I narrowed my eyes at him, my temper flaring slightly. I wouldn't necessarily call myself paranoid. Realistic was more like it.

"Everything is fine?" I asked, my voice a bit more confident than before. "There's no problem?"

Jacob nodded. "You would be surprised at the things this group has experienced. We're pretty tolerant at this point, to be honest." He chuckled once again and stood up. He stretched his hand towards me and I just rolled my eyes at him. I stood on my own and he laughed again, louder this time.

"You're certainly stubborn. You'll fit in just fine." I joined in his laugh, uncertain of why I felt so happy. I had been so distraught not twenty minutes ago. I wondered if intense mood swings were a symptom of encroaching insanity. With all the impossible information I was loading on myself, I wouldn't rule it out as a possibility. I shook my head and followed Jacob back through the trees toward the house.

As we walked – slowly, for us – we talked a bit. I asked some about the other members of his pack and Jacob would talk animatedly about them, mostly teasing them. His answers weren't reserved at all; he was completely at ease revealing all of his brothers' mannerisms and personalities. Only once did he seem to hesitate, but I didn't push the information. He seemed to size me up, measuring whether or not I was ready to hear a certain piece of his life story. I tried to keep my face calm and my breathing even to prove myself serene. I wanted to know as much as I could about his family, of sorts.

"The last member of our pack is by far the worst. Just pray that you never have to meet her," Jacob said, grimacing. My eyes grew wide at the mention of a girl – from what Jacob had said, I just assumed that the pack was all males. Then again, I had been produced so it didn't shock me silent.

"Why is that? Who is she?" I hoped my questions weren't too prying. I liked Jacob and I would never want him to feel uncomfortable. He just sighed, unhappily.

"Leah. She can be a real brat sometimes. Well, she's had the hardest time with the change. I mean, she's okay…sometimes. In any case, I guess you'll find out for yourself eventually." Jacob shrugged as we reached the back door of the house. I stayed silent, thinking about his last sentence. Would I find out for myself? Would I end up meeting this strange human-wolf pack? It certainly seemed like it. A shudder ran through me, but I shook it off.

Once we made it through the door, Renesmee came running up to Jacob and jumped into his arms. Jacob chuckled deeply and Renesmee tucked her head against his collarbone. Jacob seemed relieved, sighing as he held the small girl tightly. She soon started bouncing in his arms and Jacob walked with her towards the kitchen. He flicked his head back towards me as he walked and nodded to me. I waved back and leaned against the wall, trying to recompose myself. The last couple of hours had been more eventful than I could ever have predicted. I ran my fingers over the smooth pale skin of my forearm and marveled at all the news I had received. I knew where my mother came from, I knew my heritage and I knew an entire pack made up of people just like me.

Well, not _just_ like me. It was true that I had no idea that any other shape shifters still existed in the world besides me, but still, these people were just shape shifters. I was something more, something twisted. A child born in hate and raised in odium. I was sure that the members of Jacob's pack probably had a normal upbringing, a childhood filled with happy memories. Who was I to compare myself with them?

I heard footsteps rushing across the floor to meet me and I pushed away from the wall. Alice came around the corner and smiled at me.

"How was your walk?" Her grin was contagious. I grinned back, not completely feeling the same happiness inside that I displayed for her. I was getting better at pretending though.

"Informative," I said with a small smirk. Alice giggled and she hooked her arm around my shoulders. I laced my arm around her waist and we walked out to the main entryway. Edward shot me a smile and I returned it. He seemed concerned though and I wondered what exactly he had heard from my thoughts in the other room. No doubt he would find me later to give me another pep talk on how the whole family loved me. He smiled at me and I rolled my eyes at him. I was _really_ bad at controlling my thoughts around him.

My eyes travelled over to the form sitting near him on the couch. Bella was watching Emmett flick through the TV channels and I wondered for a second if this was all he had been doing while I was gone. Edward looked up at the ceiling, then down at the floor in some sort of elongated nod. I barely held back my chuckle. I refocused on Bella and realized that I hadn't seen this sister in many weeks. I was glad to see she looked fine.

"Hey Bella," I said, waving a bit. Bella turned her head and smiled, her eyes not quite meeting mine. I felt my hand drop a bit as I looked at her. Maybe Jacob was right, maybe I _was_ paranoid. It seemed like Bella's eyes were attempting to slam my body into the opposing wall. She was smiling, the beautiful smile I remembered from the first time I met her, but her eyes were _livid_. How did no one else notice?

Bella put her hand on Edward's shoulder and they shared a brief glance and I saw Bella's eyes soften as she looked at him. His eyes did the same thing and I felt awkward again, as I had with Alice and Jasper in the garage. As though I was privy to an intimate conversation of silent words. I looked down and tried to focus on my feet. A second later, Bella walked past me and Alice towards the backdoor. I clenched my hand into a fist and considered my thoughts for a second. I wanted to ask Bella if something was wrong, but what if she was angry at me? It really seemed like she was, but I couldn't imagine why. I remembered Jacob's word – _paranoid_ – and I clenched my teeth. I pulled lightly away from Alice and followed Bella out the door.

I saw her form lightly running towards the trees at the end of the backyard. I called out just before she got to the edge of the forest.

"Hey! Bella! Wait up!" I easily made my way over to her and she turned slowly to finally, for the first time in what seemed like months, meet my gaze. Her eyes weren't quite as angry, but still. Her amber eyes were tight, constricted, and full of secrets.

"Hello, Iris. What can I do for you?" I hesitated slightly at her formal words. This wasn't the way I remembered Bella speaking. I pushed that from my mind and continued on quickly, before I lost my courage.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. It's been awhile since I saw you last," I said, shrugging slightly. Bella's eyes softened slightly at my words and she looked past my eyes to the house behind me. She seemed to consider something quickly and then turned back to me with a small smile on her lips. Her muscles loosened a bit and I hadn't realized how tense she had been. I felt my brow constrict and my eyes narrow a bit.

"I've been just fine, thanks for asking. I've been spending time with my father, mostly. He's pretty attached to Renesmee, so he likes us to come over a lot," she said, her voice bell-like again, no trace of anger within it. I smiled at the mention of her interesting human father; the man who dealt with another world without even knowing it. I just nodded to her, smiling softly, hoping to erase any tension between us. Paranoid or not, I was perfectly allowed to be cautious; Bella was important to me and I never wanted her to be upset, especially if it was my fault. She returned my soft smile, her whole face taking on a beautiful, ethereal quality. She honestly was one of the most astonishing things I had ever seen.

"How have you been, Iris?" Her voice was hesitant, but still friendly. I assumed she was wary because of all the change I had gone through. With all the things I had done since she had been gone, who knows how I was feeling? I felt like my mood changed every three seconds. I wasn't quite sure how to sum up all that, so I stuck with something simple.

"Just fine. The whole family has really, really helped me," I said. Bella's eyes dropped a bit and I felt guilty. She must have assumed that I thought she abandoned me. I shook my head and placed my hand on her shoulder. She lifted her own hand and placed it on mine, squeezing slightly. I smiled at her and she smiled back, nodding slightly. She stepped back from me and I let my hand drop.

"Well, I'll let you go. Talk to you later, Bella," I said, taking a few steps back. She nodded at me and I turned and ran back to the house. I heard her footsteps retreat the opposite way.

I stopped at the back door and closed my eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. Nothing was wrong with Bella; she was fine. Probably just preoccupied about her father. I couldn't imagine their relationship, her knowledge that someday he would die and she would live on forever. No wonder she had been so distant; the thought must be devastating to her at times. That had to be it. I held her soft smile in my mind, smiling back at the memory of her compassionate beauty. How could I have been so worried? I had done nothing wrong by her; things were just the same between us.

Still, the memory of her tense posture clawed at my mind; a parasitic thought, living off my own fear and self-loathing. I snapped my eyes open and shook my head, shoving the thought away. I wrenched the door opened and shoved my body inside the house, closing the glass behind me, closing my mind to thoughts of Bella's livid eyes.

As I entered the house, I heard Alice's soft voice speaking from the side room where her computer was. I turned the corner and saw her sitting at the monitor again, her fingers flying across the screen. Edward stood behind her, watching her work. I raised my eyebrows at them; since when had Edward been interested in fashion? I made my way over to look at Alice's design but I only got about a foot closer to the monitor when Alice flew out of her chair and pushed me backwards.

"No, you're not allowed to see! It's not done!" Her eyes were excited and wide. I groaned and tried to reach my neck around to see what horrible pattern Alice was planning on making me wear. Edward stepped into my line of sight and smiled a crooked grin at me, mocking me with his eyes. I sighed and stepped back from Alice, putting my hands up.

"Fine, fine. But Alice, I'm warning you, I'm not going to wear it," I said, my eyes and voice confident, leaving no room to negotiate. Alice just shrugged and rolled her eyes. She turned back to her chair and began working again. I sighed deeply again and turned and walked to the main entryway, Edward following right behind me.

"Is it that bad?" I asked, keeping my voice low enough so Alice wouldn't hear.

"Not as bad as you would think. But bad enough," Edward chuckled. I just rolled my eyes at him and sat myself down next to Emmett. Low and behold, he was still holding the remote in his hand and was flicking through channels.

"Emmett, do you ever actually _watch_ something on this thing?" My voice was exasperated. Emmett flicked his head up and smiled at me.

"Not usually," he replied, his grin still wide. I rolled my eyes at him, already irritated at Alice and now at Emmett's indecision. And Edward's pretentiousness. I just stood and climbed the stairs to my room. I heard Emmett laugh from behind me and I realized that I finally viewed these people as true siblings; people I had to share my life with daily. Of course I was going to get irritated at them. Isn't that what brothers and sisters did? I laughed at myself as I pushed my way into my room, giggling at the idea of having true siblings. It was unbelievable, but I finally had more than just friends. These were true _family_.

I let out a small gasp as I turned my gaze to my bed. The entirety of it – a king size bed – was covered in CDs and books. I froze in my doorway and wasn't sure what to do. My first thought was of how I was going to clear all this stuff off so I could sleep. My next thought was of where it all came from. I probably should have been able to guess, but my surprise at seeing the massive collection kept me from having a coherent thought. Next thing I knew, Edward was pushing past me into the room.

"So, what do you want to start with? Classical or contemporary?" His eyes scanned the CDs and then looked back to me.

"…Excuse me?" I stuttered out, still recovering from the massive pile of music.

Edward sighed. "Music. I'm teaching you." I finally caught on and I felt my shoulders slump. I looked again at Edward's massive music collection on my bed – let alone all the music still stuck into the wall – and felt exhausted already. I shook my head.

"No, I don't believe I ever signed up for this," I said, my head still shaking. "Can you please get this stuff out of my room?"

Edward shrugged. "Fine, if that's what you want. I was going to let you borrow my book collection though. But if you don't want any of it around…"

"Wait, whoa, no, stop. Hold on." I stepped forward and looked at the other half of my bed covered in piles and piles of books. My fingers dusted over the bindings of the books, all things I had never read before. I thought of all the things these pages contained, things I still needed to learn. I bit my lip, hard, and turned back to Edward.

"Contemporary," I said with a sigh. Edward laughed.

"Excellent."

And so it began. Edward spent the next few hours swapping CD after CD in and out of the huge CD player in the corner. We listened to loads of different styles, all from different eras. Every time something new would be put on, Edward would tell me the band's name, the members of the band, the year this album was produced, every other album they produced and different bands that performed the same type of music. His knowledge was _relentless_; I got a headache just listening to him. Still, I attempted to retain some of the information. Every now and then Edward would ask me what I thought and I would tell him, all to his extreme delight. When I told him that I liked a few of the bands he nearly exploded with joy. He piled my bedside table full of their music and anything that sounded remotely like them. His enthusiasm was addicting; soon I found myself excited along with him, eager to hear what Edward would show me next.

Soon enough Alice came up the stairs to my door with Jasper following behind her. They both added a new dynamic to my education; while Edward had been showing me mostly rock music, Alice introduced me to hip-hop (not my thing) and Jasper started me on country music (_definitely_ not my thing). Edward seemed to really enjoy the fact that he had known exactly what type of music I would take to and I often found myself rolling my eyes at his egotistical attitude towards my education. Even though I didn't like their particular music choices, I encouraged Alice and Jasper to stay and join in the fun. They did, though they left it to Edward to continue picking the music choices.

After a long streak of rock music, Alice asked Edward to start on classical. Edward obliged and soon I was swept up in the swelling instrumental sound. I found that I liked this music the best, especially any composition emphasizing piano music. The sound of the instrument was so soulful, so deep. I would close my eyes and my mind would be taken back to the images of my very first dream; of the dancing colors. My heart yearned for more when the songs would end and the piano music would fade.

When Edward finally asked what I thought I told him my preference for the piano pieces. His eyes lit up and Alice jumped up and grabbed a CD which was sitting next to the CD player. She placed it in the disc tray and pressed play. I recognized the music immediately – it was the music I had fallen asleep to the night of my dream. I smiled widely.

"I've heard this already. It's incredible; who is it?" My question was directed to Edward but he just looked down. Alice, sitting behind me, answered instead. Her soft laugh was a bit hesitant.

"It's Edward," she said, and I turned to look at her, amazed. I turned back to Edward, my eyes still wide. I listened to the music that I thought was more beautiful than any of the other accomplished composers' music I heard earlier. The notes of the song flowed together expertly, each of them forming something that transcended the boundary of thought. I remembered how this music had made me fall in love with the art, the same love I held for literature. Edward's eyes flicked up to mine as the thought crossed my mind and I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. The two of us stared at each other for a long while, Edward's beautiful music flowing through the air between us. The air felt thick with it, and I found it increasingly hard to breathe. I tried again to break our gaze, but I couldn't. My paralysis was mystifying, but not frightening. Something odd sparked in the air between us, but neither of us flinched. Maybe I had been the only one to see it. The song finally ended and I shook myself out of my daze. I looked back to Alice and her eyes were narrowed, just slightly. I cleared my head and reached out with my power to flick the pause button on the CD player before another song could start. I needed a break.

Alice's eyes widened as I used my power so nonchalantly. She giggled and clapped once.

"Do it again!" Her eyes were excited, like a child's. I just looked at her and laughed a bit. My giggles became more pronounced as Alice started bouncing up and down on the bed. Jasper rolled his eyes behind Alice and I heard Edward chuckle.

"Do what, Alice?" I asked innocently. Alice frowned in disapproval. She stood up and grabbed one of the books sitting on the bed and threw it at the window. I scowled at her, but caught it with my mind before it hit the wide glass. I returned it to its place on the bed without ever breaking my glare at Alice. She just giggled again. I sighed and rolled my eyes. What was I, a sideshow attraction?

Edward caught my thought and laid his hand on my shoulder throwing an exasperated look Alice's way. Alice bit her lip and looked apologetically at me. I just shrugged at her and smiled; she was an excited person, she really couldn't help herself. Jasper looked at me appreciatively and took Alice by the arm and lifted her up. The two of them went to leave, but suddenly Alice turned back towards the room.

"Are you coming out to hunt tonight?" Alice asked, her eyes locked on Edward. I stiffened at the word 'hunt' and saw Edward nod to Alice. She nodded back and she and Jasper left, waving to me quickly before they disappeared. Edward turned back to look at me and I looked away, out the window. The word 'hunt' still hung in the dead air between us. Edward sat beside me on the bed and opened his mouth to speak but then thought better of it. I let out a long sigh. This was who they were and I knew that. I would not let my past prejudices stand in the way of my love for my family. The anger I held inside myself couldn't hold a candle to how I felt for these people. Edward smiled at me, a smile that truly reached his eyes, lighting them up.

"Thank you," was all he said. Then he stood up and left my room, his eyes flicking to the books he was leaving behind. I smiled at him and he closed the door behind him, giving me some privacy to look over my borrowed collection.

It was incredible; I couldn't fathom how Edward had collected them all. They ranged in all sorts: fiction from all different eras, history from many different countries, sciences and subjects taught at prestigious universities. And that was just scratching the surface. I wondered how long it would take me to read through them all, and then saddened a bit as I wondered if Edward would allow me to keep them that long. I didn't want to keep his collection away from him.

Finally I forced my mind to think rationally and wondered where I was going to store all this stuff. My room was large, but it felt sacrilegious to lay all this precious art on the floor. Still, I looked back to my bed, examining the piles of books and CDs and knew I didn't have a choice. I sighed and cringed a bit as I began piling Edward's gifts in the brightest corner of my room. I kept them as neat as possible and attempted to even keep the CDs in Edward's odd sorting order. Once my bed was clear, I threw myself upon it and just laid my head back and closed my eyes for a moment. I began humming a bit to myself, smiling at the melody my mind prompted to me. I had to think for a moment, but I realized that it was the beautiful piano song Edward had composed. My eyes flew open as I remembered the CD that remained paused in the player.

I went to turn the player back on, but my hand hesitated over the play button. I was confused by my instinctual hesitation; why would I _not_ want to listen to my brother's beautiful music? Deep down, I knew that it was the moment Edward and I had shared that scared me. The possibly metaphorical spark that had flown between us had been quick and fleeting, but still bright and blinding. What had Edward seen in my mind at that moment? What did he think of me now, knowing how mesmerized I was by his music? Was I weak? No, of course not. Alice had obviously been impressed by the music as well; I mean, she had known to show it to me. No, it was perfectly legitimate to be impressed with your extremely talented brother. Of course it was.

I pressed the button finally and Edward's next song flew through the room. It was just as beautiful, if not more so, than the last. It was hopeful, but melancholy, the piano's innate sound adding to the depth of the emotion evident in the flowing notes. I closed my eyes and immediately wanted to lose myself in the music. I wanted to dream again, and Edward's music was the only thing that would let me. I let myself drift to my bed and sat down upon its edge. I prepared to let my mind fly again.

"Iris?" The voice calling my name was high, but harsh in a way. My eyes flew open and I paused the music immediately with my mind. Bella stared at me, her eyes narrowed and her face tight again. Once again, her eyes were unreadable, but I could see cracks of anger beginning to form. I felt my own face contort in confusion and my body immediately tense for danger.

"Hey Bella," I said. "Sorry, I didn't hear you knock."

"I didn't." Her voice was still harsh and stagnant. Her eyes flicked to the CD player and back to me very quickly. She pushed her shoulders back slightly as she eyed me again, pulling her chin up ever so slightly.

"Alice wants you downstairs," she said curtly, turning to leave. Just before she did though, her eyes caught on the pile of books in my room. I couldn't be sure, but I think she may have stopped breathing for a few moments. Finally she turned back to me and her eyes were definitely angry.

"What are those?" She sounded genuinely interested and her voice had turned silky and smooth, like there was no emotion behind it at all. But her eyes couldn't lie the way her tongue could.

"Edward. He thought I might enjoy borrowing them," I said, my voice innocent and truthful. I saw no recognition cross Bella's eyes; she had already known the answer.

"Ah," was all she said before she turned and walked out my bedroom door. I heard her swift footsteps carry her body down the stairs and out the front door. I sat very still for a moment, still somewhat shocked. Hadn't it been just a few hours ago that Bella and I had had a very normal, calm conversation? Had we not talked about her father, had she not smiled at me? These mood swings of hers were intense and frightening to a point. Her anger seemed to be fully directed at me and I couldn't even begin to guess at why. I scanned through my memories of our interactions and I couldn't think of a single thing I had done to offend her. I took in a full gasp of air, calming my thoughts. If I had done nothing wrong, I had nothing to worry about. Bella had made it clear from the very beginning that I was welcome here. She had been my first friend, the first person to open her arms and grasp me in them. I would have to find faith that these odd bursts of anger had another explanation behind them.

"Iris!" I heard Alice clearly calling my name from the first floor. I forced my legs back into motion and stood, quickly making my way from my room and through the hallways to the stairs. I could hear Alice's impatient foot tapping from the top of the stairs, so I sighed and drifted down the flights lazily. Alice rolled her eyes as I came into view and held out a long yellow strip of plastic. I stepped off the stairs and came slightly closer to her, examining the object she was holding. I quickly recognized it as a tape measure and I immediately turned on my heel and moved to run back up the stairs.

"Oh no you don't," Alice said, her hand shooting out and catching the back of my clothes. I struggled against her and almost broke her grip when Rosalie came out from the side room and grabbed my arm, helping Alice to pull me back to Alice's computer room. I groaned as Alice shoved me onto a step stool and Rosalie held out the tape measure to my hip, measuring my waist line.

"Rose, please. She really doesn't need any help here," I groaned, my eyes pleading with Rosalie to let me go. Rosalie just smiled angelically and continued measuring my different body parts while Alice held me in place. I failed to hold back a few whimpers as I yearned to be out of Alice's grip and back in the safety of my own room. Alice just rolled her eyes and sighed at me and I could have sworn I heard her mumble something about 'being a baby'. I just settled on glaring at her.

The whole ordeal worsened as Esme and Edward came into the room, both of them unnecessarily cheerful. I reached out with my mind and pleaded for Edward to help me. Being the useless brother he is, he just laughed.

"I thought I heard the sounds of torture," he chuckled, his eyes sparkling with laughter while he looked at me. Alice nodded and giggled. I decided to glare equally at both of them.

"Almost done, Iris," Rosalie said, her voice attempting to calm me. I added her to my glaring list; I began to ponder how many people I could glare at in the same time. Esme gasped as she looked at the computer screen on the other side of the room.

"Oh, Alice! This is beautiful! Why, Iris, you'll look stunning!" Esme's eyes filled with pride as she looked at me. I knew it would be impossible to glare at Esme as well, so I just dropped my eyes to the floor and hoped to maybe disappear. Edward chuckled again and I fought the urge to slam him into a wall.

Finally Rosalie snapped the tape measure together and Alice let me go. I immediately hopped off the stool and growled slightly at the two of them. They both just laughed and I worried that maybe I was losing some of my ferocity.

"Come on, Iris. It was necessary," Alice started and I scoffed at her. She rolled her eyes. I began to stalk from the room.

"Wouldn't you at least like to see the design?" Alice's voice sounded hopeful, expectant. I immediately wanted to tell her exactly what she could do with her _design_ but I stopped myself. I looked at her very excited face, to Rosalie's very excited eyes, to Esme's clearly proud expression. I fought the urge to look at Edward because I was sure he was smirking, and I wasn't sure I would be able to reign in my aggression again.

"Yes," I said, cringing a bit. Alice cheered and grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the screen.

"Now don't hold back. Tell me honestly what you think," Alice said, slightly biting her lip. Ha. _Honesty_, sure. I knew exactly what she wanted me to tell her. I braced myself as I looked at the monitor and took in the dress.

Well, it was first and foremost, just that. A dress. I had never really worn one before, especially not one like this. This was clearly meant for some sort of formal occasion. My first thought was of me at any sort of fancy ordeal and it almost made me giggle. But I pushed the thought away and focused on the actual dress more intently. And what I saw there shocked me.

Alice had captured _me_. This dress (though it was still just a dress) contained my personality. Or, at least, most of what I thought of me. The color was a deep green; the color I missed most from my life of solitude in the forest. The green wasn't solid though; the cloth had a slight sheen to it, making the dark green different shades at different times. The dress was long, reaching the floor. In the front it was low cut – very low cut – with a long slit up the side, one reaching to the middle of the model's thigh. The back was exquisite; the straps of the dress formed an 'x' on the high of my back, curving around to show all of the lower back. The dress finally formed up again just at the bottom of my back, the cloth coming together in a flowing tail which hung out from the bottom of the cloth.

I couldn't take my eyes off the outfit; it was me, perfectly. Or what I wanted me to be, anyway. Daring, unafraid, mischievous, in a way. Yet, imperfect. The large opening in the back of the dress perfectly centered around where the thin scar on my lower back was clearly visible. It would show me for what I was, hiding nothing. The truth about myself had become more and more important to me in these recent weeks. That truth was one that needed to be given out to everyone, given to them to judge. To know me for who I was, truly, and make their decisions about me based on that utter honesty. It was all that mattered anymore.

I could feel Alice's eyes still on me, growing wider as she (unclearly) saw my future reaction to the dress. Her smile was wide and blinding before the words even came out of my mouth.

"Alice, it's wonderful. _Thank_ you."

Alice's loud clapping filled the room, along with her intense laughter. She hugged me tightly and Rosalie's arms wrapped tightly around hers and they both began jumping up and down. I felt jostled, but couldn't help but laugh. I slightly pushed against both of their bodies and they separated, giving me room to breathe.

"But Alice," I gasped, "where will I ever get the chance to wear it to?" I didn't want to rain on her parade, but it was a fact that was clearly one that need to be stated before she got _too_ excited. She shrugged me off.

"Oh, we'll find something. Easily. Okay, Rose, come help me…" And with that she sat down at her chair again and started making adjustments for my newly measured body sizes, Rosalie leaning over her shoulder murmuring softly. Esme smiled at them and watched them work for a bit longer. I figured I was off the hook and allowed to leave, so I made my way over to the kitchen. And, of course, Edward followed me.

"Easily excited, Alice," I commented to him, letting him fall into step beside me.

"Extremely," he smiled back. "That was very nice of you. You fought far less than I thought you would." His smirk grew more pronounced. I chuckled lightly.

"You can't deny a child her fun, you know," I said lightly. He nodded, still smirking. We made our way into the kitchen and Bella was there, with Renesmee. It was odd, but this was only the second or third time I had ever seen the two together. From the way Bella was holding the child, it was clear to see that she held most of her life in her arms. Renesmee looked at Bella exactly the same way. The two seemed complete in each other; as though the rest of the world might be able to fade away and they may never notice.

Renesmee looked up as we entered the room and her smile was bright as she focused on her father, and she waved as she noticed me. I waved back, somewhat awkwardly, and cautiously turned my gaze to Bella. She was smiling at me, but only for a moment. She looked to Edward quickly and seemed to be unable to turn her eyes away. Once again, I felt privy to a moment more intimate than I felt comfortable with. I quickly stepped past the happy family and busied myself with finding my evening meal. I grabbed a plate from the cabinet and just leaned against the counter while I slowly ate the bread.

Alice came prancing into the room a few seconds later, her smile too large to ignore. No doubt this joy related somehow to her new fashion project. I just sighed and rolled my eyes at her, while Bella looked at her expectantly, a small grin creeping across her face.

"What's up, Alice?" Her tone was expectant. Alice smiled down at Bella for a second, then her eyes flicked back to me. I just rolled my eyes again and settled on staring at the opposite wall.

"Rosalie and I just finished Iris' dress design! It will be absolutely perfect!" Alice's following squeal made me cringe a little bit. Edward chuckled at my tortured thoughts and I threw a glare at him. As I did, I caught Bella's expression. She was staring up at Alice in an odd way; not unhappy, or angry as I had seen her so often. Just curiously. As though Alice's behavior was unexpected; I couldn't imagine why that would be. I had known Alice only a fraction of the time Bella had, and I already expected Alice to act like this. Bella's eyes dropped from Alice's though, back to Renesmee as Renesmee lifted her hand to Alice. Alice obliged, holding out her hand for Renesmee to touch. We just watched for a moment as Renesmee conveyed her message to Alice. Alice smiled at her and nodded.

"Nessie wants to see Iris' dress," Alice said, her voice still excited. Bella nodded and stood up, following Alice out the kitchen door. Edward began to follow, then looked back at me, expectantly. I was fully ready to argue with him, to demand that I not be put through any more torture, when Alice's voice rang through the room.

"Come on, Iris!"

I just groaned and followed them out the door.


	16. Night

Night

Renesmee – or Nessie, as I had taken to calling her – loved my dress. I could already see that Alice was gearing up to make Nessie a gown of her very own. She had begun asking questions – what was Nessie's favorite color, did she like long or short dresses, etc. – almost immediately. Edward just laughed as Nessie put up with Alice's endless questions. Bella smiled, but didn't say much. No doubt she was dreading what Alice could possibly put her daughter into.

Through the large glass windows, I could see the sun setting below the horizon. The sky flared a bright red, the clouds darkening the sky prematurely. The air outside was beginning to chill; I could feel it even from inside the house. I could hear animals quietly nestling themselves into their homes to hide from the chilly autumn night air. A part of me longed to be among them, curling myself tightly under the trees' leaves to stare at the stars of the night sky, to see the haze of the early morning fog when I awoke. The picture was so clear in my mind, having experienced it many times before. I watched as the sun slowly set below the horizon, feeling the tug of its invisible pull as it attempted to bring me with it.

I could still hear Alice discussing dresses with Nessie and Bella in the back of my mind. Still, my more animalistic tendencies scoffed at their utterly absurd conversation. Why would I need a fancy dress when I could be surrounded by miles of woodland, clothing myself in the scents, sights and sounds of the forest? What exactly was I becoming? Did I truly care only about fancy parties and warm beds? I felt my eyes fall to the floor, somewhat ashamed. No, of course not. I was stronger than that.

I felt someone stir next to me, and my mind came back to reality with somewhat painful clarity. I needed to stop forgetting when Edward was close by.

I looked up at him, somewhat apologetically. He looked away from me, but not before I could see the soft agony and compassion in his eyes. I sighed. Yes, I was definitely getting another pep talk pretty soon. His mouth twitched, but his eyes remained focused away from mine.

The dress conversation finally dwindled down as quiet footsteps approached. Carlisle and Jasper came into the computer room and Alice stood from her computer and flitted to Jasper's side. I could hear both Rosalie and Esme come down the stairs together and Emmett lift himself from the couch he hadn't left since this morning. Bella, Renesmee and Alice all left the room together, with Edward filing silently behind them. I stared curiously after them then followed as well.

In the other room, Rosalie and Emmett were having a quiet conversation and Esme greeted our group as we entered. I looked around the room at the whole family seriously confused. Were we having a family meeting? Did this have something to do with me? I looked to Alice for confirmation, but she was busy having a silent conversation with Jasper, smiling up at him. It was Edward who finally answered my question, not bothering to keep his voice down, the inconsiderate prick.

"We're going hunting, Iris," he said, his eyes still not meeting mine. He sounded like he was admitting to murder. I considered that though for a moment. Well, it was not _murder_ exactly…

Carlisle cut off my thought. "Oh, Iris, I'm sorry. I should have informed you." He looked concerned, wary of my reaction. I took a moment to hold still, gaining control over whatever my emotions might be, and then answered.

"Oh. No, I understand. I was just…confused." I left it at that. My eyes flickered to Edward, who was still not looking at me. I wondered how long this was going to last. I looked back to Carlisle and shrugged. He nodded at my nonchalance, a small smile on his face. He probably knew more of my true reaction than he was letting on.

The family left at their own pace, each couple leaving out the back door, Rosalie and Emmett in the front. Carlisle and Esme followed those two. Jasper made a move to leave, but Alice held him back a moment.

"We'll be back in no time, Iris. Enjoy your quiet time…while you can," she said, a wicked grin spreading across her face. I smiled back at her and she turned and let Jasper lead her out the door. Bella left next with, to my surprise, Renesmee still in her arms. I felt my brow furrow slightly as I watched Bella move Nessie to her back as she ran towards the forest. I would have thought Bella would leave her daughter home for these excursions. Or at least with Jacob.

"Renesmee prefers to hunt with us. She doesn't particularly like human food," I heard Edward say from just behind me. I felt a moment of shock after hearing that; she drank _blood_? I knew it was nonsensical for me to assume that I knew anything about the child, but I had just based my knowledge of her off of my knowledge of myself. Apparently we were less alike than I knew.

"Indeed," was all Edward said back to me. I turned and he was looking at me again. I guess our no-eye-contact spat was over. He was looking at me somewhat accusatorily. My eyes narrowed at his expression. What had _I_ done?

His expression softened. "I thought you were beginning to like our family," he said, his eyes dropping to the floor. He sounded unhappy, depressed. Rejected. I felt guilt wash through me and realized that my thoughts must have offended him. What had I said? _I was stronger than that_. He thought I meant that I was strong enough to survive on my own. That I didn't need these people.

"No," I said out loud, unable to first form a coherent sentence in my head. The thought was just so adverse to my actual feelings that I needed to contradict it immediately. I backtracked and attempted to convey a more complicated response.

"No, Edward, of course I like your family," I said. I sighed in frustration; the words not strong enough to convey exactly how I felt about this family. How honestly changed I was because of them. How much _better_ I was because of them. I owed this family my happiness; more happiness than I ever deserved to have. I owed them a life different from that which I had lived for 80 years. 80 years of solitude, of constant self-hatred. The loathing had clouded my mind absolutely. I couldn't see anything but it. This family had cleared most of my mind, leaving me with space to see past the haze and see the beauty of the world that surrounded me. None of that was properly conveyed in my disappointing words. Thankfully, Edward didn't have to rely on words.

Edward closed his eyes and a smile – small, but growing – spread across his face. He looked up at me finally and his eyes lost all their rejection. I looked into them properly and noticed their color. Black, matching the color coming through the windows. He must have seen the color through my eyes and he looked away.

"Oh, just go already. They're waiting for you," I said, my tone, for once, surprisingly docile. Playful even. I was joking about them hunting now? I needed to sleep. Badly.

Edward chuckled and walked to the back door, running towards the forest, towards the rest of his family. I watched him go, wondering how long exactly they would be gone. Alice had assured me not long, and it had seemed silly to me then. Why would I care how long they took?

Now I felt oddly lonely.

I climbed the stairs to my room, considering the emptiness of the house. It seemed so much bigger – almost unnervingly big – now that it was empty. Well, mostly empty. I was still here.

I heard my soft footsteps echo in my ears, or more in my mind. I knew my footsteps were far too soft for the vibrations to even reach my ears. I quickened my pace and nearly raced into my room. I was confused about my attitude, but being left alone in a vampire household was a little more frightening to me when those vampires weren't around to remind me of exactly who they were. All I could focus on was the scent of them all around me, and it frightened me a little. I was overwhelmingly grateful that Edward wasn't around to witness my display of cowardice.

When I reached my room, I calmed a bit. This room smelled less like vampires in general, and more like Edward, though the scent was faint. Still, I knew Edward's scent pretty well now and it was comforting to have it surround me. No matter how far away my very odd brother was, I would never forget how I felt around him. Somewhat complete, I supposed. Like I finally had found someone to understand me correctly. Someone it was impossible to keep my secrets from. He could see inside my mind and could examine all my faults exactly. Though it was true I rarely interacted with people, when I did, I would always have to lie to them. I always felt guilty about these lies, because then those people would offer me help, or money, or food, or whatever it was that I was charming out of them. I knew that if they could see the whole truth of who I was, they would reject me. Finally I had found someone who I could neither lie to, nor charm. And still, I was not rejected. He embraced me as a sister for no better reason than that he wanted to. It was intensely insane, but true either way.

I sat down on my bed once again and stared out the dark window. No moon shone tonight, so I was left with my oversensitive sight to guide my vision. It wasn't difficult to see – the backyard, trees and even mountain tops in the distance were clearly visible – but I turned away from the window disappointed anyway. I knew I was looking for my family, and I knew they wouldn't be there. I attempted not to feel abandoned, but it wasn't working very well. Between the unreasonable fear from earlier and the utterly absurd abandonment I felt now, I was acting very childish tonight.

I turned the CD player back on, and Edward's piano music swirled through the room, slowly easing my mind into a more docile mood. The song began slowly, hesitantly. High soprano notes interlaced with slower, deeper notes. The song itself seemed to promise something to the listener, building in intensity as it attempted to convey its sincerity, but couldn't. I smiled at its slightly frustrated demeanor; I knew what it was like not to have the right words. The song dwindled back into its softer, slower rhythm, still gently promising things I realized it may not be able to give. The song seemed to fight back with me, still promising, despite my assertions that it would fail to deliver what I wanted. The music seemed sad, disheartened by my lack of faith, but still confident. It slowly rocked me to sleep, cooing its soft promises, still rocking me, still cooing, lulling me to sleep until I could argue no more.


	17. Darkness

Darkness

Light streaming through my windows woke me early the next day. I was curled up in the middle of my bed, still dressed in my clothes from yesterday. The CD player was still playing, once again playing all through the night. The music was much unlike the music I had fallen asleep to last night, but not unfamiliar. It was one of the contemporary bands I had told Edward I had particularly liked. He had set out their other CD for me; it was still lying on the table next to my bed. I slowly stretched my muscles as I listened to the rough, fast beat of the guitar and drums. The music was catchy, fun, but not nearly as melodic as the music I had fallen asleep to…

Then my mind was thrown back to last night. I had dreamed again, but it had been different, so very different, this time. The colors were still there, but they were not dancing. They were burning. The flames of my dream had burned with the intense colors, the collective voice I had heard before crying out to me. Calling to me, warning me to stay away. I had tried to tell them that I could save them, that the fire could not hurt me. They had continued to yell to me to run, but I hadn't listened. I had been determined to save them, to show them what good I could do. I had leapt into the fire, grasping for the colors to throw them out of the way, when I felt it. It had taken me a second to register what it was, as I was not used to pain. But the pain had been there. Immeasurable pain. I burned in the fire beside the colors, my voice joining theirs as our symphony of endless torment began.

I felt myself gasping slightly at the memory of the dream. Or, nightmare, I supposed. It was vivid, as my last dream had been, and frightening because of that reality it had. But beyond the vividness of the visual – the colors, the fire, my own pale skin burning – it was the memory of the pain that frightened me. Because I had known it was pain, I had known to react with fear and despair. Yet, I had only felt pain once in my life. My fingers twitched towards the thin scar on my back as I re-felt the burning intensity of the fire last night. It was the same pain I would never forget from my childhood.

I shuddered slightly and took a deep breath. I would attempt to keep away from dreaming for awhile. It just wasn't safe with what little control I had over my power. Hopefully I didn't break anything too valuable last night. I was lucky I didn't tear the house down.

I took a quick inventory of my room and everything _seemed_ to be in its right place. The CD player still played the British rock it had a second ago, Edward's CDs and book were still neatly piled in the corner, the black sofa sat still in the corner of the room, my leather bag still upon it. I smiled at my ability to control myself and leapt out of bed, slightly more cheerful than usual. It was nice to be able to escape from the nightmare, to be able to distinguish it from reality. It gave me control over my fear again.

I slipped out of my old clothes and stepped into my closet, looking around the piles of clothing Alice had bought me. I decided I would try and appease her today. I picked out a long black skirt with layers of cloth fabric covering over each other, giving it a graceful, yet playful look. I grabbed a plain black tank top and pulled it over my head, turning to, for the first time, look in the wall length mirror at the back of my closet. I approved of the outfit; not too outrageous, but hey, give me some credit, I was wearing a skirt. I hoped Alice would be able to see that I _was_ trying.

I left my room, grabbing my leather bag as I did, and skipped lightly down the stairs. I heard Alice and Emmett in the kitchen, so I turned my direction that way. I rounded the corner into the room and realized that those two weren't alone; they were just the only ones talking. From what I was catching they were discussing the weather, while Esme hummed to herself, straightening flowers in vases she was placing around the room. Jasper was leaning against the counter in front of my bread cabinet and he was the first to turn and look at me as I entered the room. He smiled and waved and I smiled back. I liked Jasper, even if he scared the hell out of me.

Alice noticed Jasper's gaze and she turned to me and her face brightened.

"Hey Iris! How are you?" Esme turned as Alice asked this, smiling at me politely. I felt somewhat self-conscious being the center of attention. I wished Alice would have continued talking to Emmett.

"Just fine," I smiled. "Nice day out." I nodded my head towards the windows, bright sunshine coming in through them, one ray dancing off Jasper's arm, sending small rainbows around the room. Emmett nodded and smiled at me.

"Alice and I were just discussing how nice it would be for a bit of exercise today," he said nonchalantly. Still, Emmett was not one for subtly. I saw where this was going. I let myself smile mischievously and Emmett growled playfully. Rosalie came in to the kitchen at the sound of his growl, looking to him, then to me, then sighing slightly.

"I should have known," she muttered, and walked back out of the room. Alice laughed and followed her, indicating for me to follow. I did and Emmett followed closely behind me, Jasper behind him.

"Please, try not to break anything," Esme called to us just as Alice opened the back door and we stepped outside into the brilliant sunlight.

The day was beautiful, completely perfect. My legs sang as my feet felt solid earth beneath them, perfect conditions for running. The sunshine warmed my skin slightly as a cool autumn breeze blew through the air, making it the perfect temperature for me. It was almost exactly the same temperature as my skin, maybe a few degrees cooler. I pulled the air in through my mouth, tasting the forest as the air ran over my tongue and into my lungs. My mind became clearer than it had been in days.

It was a good day for a fight.

Emmett strode past me, out the door, and took his position in the middle of the backyard, beckoning me forward. I ignored him and looked around the backyard. Jacob was here, with Nessie smiling happily in his lap. Edward sat next to them, smiling as well, looking at Jacob, laughing as if he had just told a joke. Bella sat next to Jacob on the other side, smiling as well, but her eyes tight. She looked to Edward and a slight frown came over her lips, as though she wanted to argue something, but couldn't quite think of how to phrase hr argument. All four of the group looked up and greeted us when we came out though, and I forgot Bella's face as I looked back to Emmett. He was looking very impatient.

I shook my head and sat down next to Edward and he shifted slightly to include me in the group. I looked at him and was slightly blinded by his brilliant skin, the bright sun throwing a thousand rainbows from his arms and face. I smiled at him and turned to greet Jacob and Bella when Emmett yelled to me.

"Yo! Iris! No backing out!" He crossed his arms in front of his chest and huffed a little in disappointment. I rolled my eyes at him.

"One second, Emmett. I'm letting you enjoy the sun before I crush you," I called back to him. Edward chuckled a bit as Emmett scoffed and turned to Jasper, challenging him instead. Jasper obliged and Alice came over and sat next to me as we watched the two of them fight. It was all very playful, a smile adorning both my brothers' faces as they scuffled; Emmett lunging and roaring while Jasper dodged and weaved, not ever able to get the right angle to jump at Emmett. The six of us sitting watching laughed as the intense dance got a bit faster as Jasper began taunting Emmett, taking a few swipes at his arms while Emmett continued to lunge and come up empty handed. Eventually Jasper found a way around Emmett's huge form and was able to lunge at his back, pushing him forward, but Emmett seemed to know what to expect. He grabbed Jasper off his back and flung him to the group, holding him there while the six of us erupted in laughter and claps.

Jasper chuckled as well, clapping Emmett on the back. "Nice," was all he said as he walked over and took a seat next to Alice. I high-fived Jasper, complementing his expert fighting ability while he just shrugged. Alice rolled her eyes at his modesty, but smiled up at him. Edward complemented him as well, and then turned to me.

"Come on, Iris. I want to see a rematch between you and Emmett," he said, his eyes excited, and, as I looked at him, my breath caught. For the first time, for one second, he actually _looked_ seventeen. I could see all the child that was still within him, all the passion he had stored up from his old life, his human life. I realized at that moment how very _young_ he still was, how much growing up he hadn't been able to achieve. He had his life stolen away from him when he was still a child; he hadn't chosen this life. But he was dealing with it. Just like Jacob. I saw the boy that Edward still was and I knew I loved my brother more now than I ever had. He was still a child and I knew, somehow, that I was allowed to be still, too. I didn't think Edward could give me more than he already had, but here it was. The permission to still be the child I knew I was.

His brilliant smile matched my own and I laughed with him as he read my thoughts as I thought them. If he was offended at all, he didn't show it. In fact, his face seemed relieved, slightly, as though this kind of relief hadn't been granted to him before this moment. His carefree laughter just reinforced all that I had thought and I smiled at him once more before I stood and faced Emmett. I set down my bag as I shook out my shoulders and Emmett theatrically cracked his knuckles. I chuckled at him.

Then I saw Emmett's face grow curious as I felt someone approach from behind me. I turned around and felt like someone had knocked all the air out of my lungs. Bella stood behind me, looking expectant, while the group behind her looked cautious.

"I haven't gotten my rematch." She said it like a statement, not a question. Her eyes never left mine, but Emmett moved off towards the group by the house without one complaint. His smile was wickedly wide; this was going to make his day. I took in the faces of my siblings, looking for some sort of instruction. Emmett looked excited, Rosalie looked impassive, Alice looked curious, Jasper looked wary. I tried not to look at Edward, for fear of laughing. He looked utterly flabbergasted. To see Edward look that confused was beyond my limit of control. I turned my attention back to Bella, judging her own instruction. Her face was composed, a small smile playing at her mouth. Her eyes, though, were impossible to read. They seemed relieved, happy, but still tight. Uncertain. I felt slightly uneasy, but for no reason I could pinpoint, so I nodded to her.

Bella walked around me, taking Emmett's now-empty place. Just before I turned to face her, I saw Esme and Carlisle step out into the bright sunlight. Esme seemed unhappy about all the fighting, but her smile was accommodating, if somewhat exasperated. Carlisle seemed understanding, as if this was to be expected. They made me feel better, more confident, as I turned to face Bella. Fighting like this was normal, of course. Then why did I feel so wary, so cautious of this fight? Like it meant so much more between me and Bella then it did between anyone else?

I lowered my stance, sliding my foot behind me to stabilize my pose. _Defense_, my mind soothed. Yes, defense. I'd let her make the first move. I waited, patiently, sizing up the vampire across from me. She seemed uneasy still, again, uncertain. She paced a few steps to the right, but I stayed still. I could feel my muscles tightening, my legs screaming for me to run again. I became unfocused, surprised at myself. My body had never steered me wrong before, my mind hadn't often disagreed with what it told me to do. But, now? Run from Bella? Why would I need to do that?

It took only a second to begin. One quick event to start the whole chain of reactions. Like a wildfire.

Edward's voice called out to me. "Come on, Iris!" And Renesmee giggled.

I saw Bella's eyes freeze. They weren't uncertain anymore.

She growled and lunged at me, and my body focused just in time to react. I flew to the side, rolling out of her way, and hopped to my feet in the same instant. My mind cried out, calling to Bella, asking her what was wrong, what had happened, but my body shoved my mind out of the way. My mind would have shut down if I hadn't grown to love this woman in front of me. Instead it just sat in the background of my conscious thought, growling at me, telling me this was wrong. I shook my head and refocused on the fight. On Bella.

She turned from her lunge and stalked towards me as I backed slowly away, still sizing her up. I had never really seen her fight before. I didn't know how she would go about it. It became quickly clear that I had never seen her fight before because she didn't know _how_ to. All that drove her now was ferocious anger. Again my mind growled at me, begging me to stop. My body disagreed and, against what I thought was my will, a sadistic smile broke through my face, a small chuckle escaped my lips. Bella's eyes flew wide, and I knew I had goaded her, just as I had in the meadow, when she had been protecting Edward. My mind growled louder but I just began to stalk towards Bella, closing the distance between us as she moved slowly towards me. We were only a few feet from each other when we began circling again, Bella's hands curved into tight claws, my own loose and ready to catch any attack Bella threw at me.

She seemed to sense this, and backed off slightly, looking to come up behind me. She wasn't fast enough for that, we both knew, but still my body welcomed the attempt. I settled back a bit, showing her I would wait, and she considered the distance between her and my back, her eyes flicking to mine for a second. The hatred in her eyes broke my concentration for a moment and my mind finally broke through my body's hold. I gasped slightly and straightened my body. Bella took advantage of that and flew around me in a second, grabbing me from behind, tackling me to the ground. A snarl flew from my lips and my mind fell back, letting my body take over this time. Letting my sense of self-preservation take over. I twisted around as we fell and grabbed her arms and threw her off me. I flipped to my feet as Bella landed on hers. I didn't wait this time; I threw myself at her, head on. She dodged me, leaping to the side and grabbed my arm, throwing me a few feet back towards the house. I growled, loudly, and pulled my body off the ground. I thought I heard someone gasp behind me, and my mind took over again. I turned around and only saw Renesmee's face, staring at my own. She didn't look upset, just confused. Again, I saw myself as she had seen me that first day. The wild woman, her grey eyes clouded with hate. I wondered how close I looked to that woman now. The thought burned me, the same way the fire had burned last night. I never wanted to be that person again.

Almost too late, I remembered Bella. I turned my body back to her, all thoughts of anger erased now. I was peaceful again, not wanting to continue this fight. We would make peace now, I would find out what was going on with Bella. We could end this.

Bella was still running at me, only a foot or so from me now. I slowly threw my hand out in front of me and stretched my mind out. I held her body still, her face only six inches from my own. Her eyes grew surprised, a small gasp of air escaping her mouth. I took a few steps back, and tried to smile at her. A kind smile, one of surrender.

"Wow, you almost had me right there," I said, my tone joking, hoping to show her I was giving up. She had won, so I hoped that would be enough to calm her down so we could go somewhere to talk. Her eyes became hard again and her mouth set back into an emotionless line. I figured that was the best I was getting. I let her go and turned back to the family who was still staring at me in disbelief.

"What do you think you're doing?" The tone of Bella's voice behind me told me that this fight wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

"Excuse me?" I turned wearily to face her again, trying to show her that I did not want to do this. Not here.

"We're not finished here," Bella said, her voice cold. Her glare was even colder. I could feel a small tongue of fire spread up my back. What had I done to deserve this?

"Bella, you won," I said, turning again. I was not going to do this here. A small moment of silence surrounded the words. An uncertain silence. Things could go either way now. We could turn away from each other and discuss this somewhere else. Or she could confront me here. I really should have known better. I should have known how this would play out. I was blind.

"You may have every other member of this family fooled and twisted around you. But not me."

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I didn't know what to say. That didn't matter. Bella had enough to say for the both of us.

"You are _not_ welcome here." That struck a nerve. Where exactly _was_ I welcome? I spun and faced her again.

"What are you talking about, Bella? You're the one that insisted that I stay here!" My voice was harsh and strained. I could feel several licks of flames inside my spine now. They were nearly at my brain.

"Clearly, I misjudged you." Her cold eyes bore into me. Now I could feel the heat intensely. What had I _done_?

"I don't understand you Bella," I said, my tone full of sincerity. If she could just _tell_ me what I did, what I could do to fix it. I would do anything for this woman, for my _sister_. I heard Alice whine slightly behind me and Edward gasp at whatever she was seeing. I turned to look at them when Bella's words hit me.

"I will not let you take him from me."

My mouth popped open. Suddenly everything clicked. I really was blind. I turned back to her.

"I don't know who you're talking about," I said, still unable to form a fully coherent thought. She knew I knew _exactly_ who she was talking about. Finally, her eyes were fully focused, fully open with loathing. And it was all focused at me. I saw all the moments I had shared with Edward, only I saw them through her eyes. My brother…not so much of a brother. It was clear what she had seen. It all became intensely clear. Even with the clarity, her words were laughable. Edward loved Bella. I could barely stand him for a _brother_. I was about to speak, to put her worries to ease, when she spoke again.

"You make me utterly sick." She threw the last word at me like it was an insult I had never heard before. As if I hadn't told myself that exact same thing for the last eighty years of my life. And suddenly my control broke and my mind wasn't attached to my body anymore. My temper, so docile and reigned in recently, flew free. I made _her_ sick? Who was she to judge? Who was I to pretend that I _shouldn't_ be judged? I was a monster. I knew what life I belonged to. My small, harsh laugh broke the painful silence.

"You don't belong here," Bella continued. "Leave." I narrowed my eyes at her and bit the inside of my lip.

"Fine." My voice, rougher than it had ever been, grated against my detached mind with the same feel as the fire burning my veins.

"Iris, no," I heard someone behind me choke out. It barely registered as Edward's voice before Bella snarled at me.

"You're lucky I don't kill you," she said, her eyes ferocious and still slightly tinted red from her recent change into her new life. My eyes met hers, and I briefly considered what it must be like to be a newborn vampire. To be so strong, invincible. To be brave.

Then I completely lost it. All the fear, anger, hatred, depression that I had stored up over my lifetime flew free of my control. My eyes seared with the venom of my thoughts and my hands clenched into fists. Thoughts of my father, of my mother flew through my head. Memories of those first nights on my own – nights filled only with my own childish sobs – ensnared my mind. I heard my cries for my mother again and again, playing on a sadistic repeat. I felt the frustration of my childish attempts at suicide from so long ago. I had known then that I couldn't die. Why had I tried? I would have given anything.

Now it was being offered to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Did you just threaten to kill me?" My voice was low, smooth, no longer harsh. I didn't have any emotions to make my voice rough anymore. Bella didn't respond, but her eyes flickered with something. Guilt?

"No, Bella. Please," I said, as I stepped closer to her. "Please, Bella. I'm open. Go ahead. I won't even move. I can make this as easy as you want now. What more do you want from me? Do you want me to beg? I can do that too." I dropped to my knees a few inches from her feet.

"Here I am, Bella! I'm completely open. Kill me, Bella. Go ahead. Do it. Kill me. _Do it now_!" I screamed the last words, my voice echoing around the clearing. My anger held me still for many seconds, my eyes closed tightly, my fists clenched against my sides. Bella said nothing, did not breathe. I finally took a breath and stood. I looked her directly in the eyes, but seeing nothing. Hatred clouded my eyes once again.

"You're pathetic," I whispered to her before I turned and grabbed my leather bag from where it lay halfway between me and the family I no longer felt I knew. My mind was still unattached, though it was becoming more and more evident as the second passed. I tried not to think about the pain I would be in a few minutes from now.

Still, it was impossible not to notice their faces. All shocked. All pained. All ready to stop me. I wouldn't give them the chance.

I picked up my bag and sprinted for the forest.


	18. Alone

Alone

I always wished I could grow tired as I ran. The exhaustion would give me something to concentrate on. And I badly needed something to concentrate on.

How often had I thought that the solitude of the forest would be soothing to me, if I could just find a reason to run again? However often it had been, I had always been wrong.

This forest held nothing for me now. I sprinted through the dense trees, not even considering where I was headed. Leaves and branches whipped at my skin and tore at my clothes, but I didn't care. They were only a reminder of what I was leaving behind. Of what I was running from. It was odd, but a small part of me (a more sadistic part of me) reminded me that I was running away again. What a coward I was.

How different this time was though. How very much I wanted to be running back. To be running the opposite direction.

What didn't surprise me, but probably should have, was that no one chased after me. It had taken me many miles to even remember everything that I was running from. It took a few more miles after that for the pain to actually hit. After that, I couldn't count the miles anymore.

This pain was worse than the burning. I felt totally hollow, completely carved out. Nothing was left inside me anymore, and I wasn't sure how I was still breathing. I couldn't fathom how my legs were still moving. All I could feel was this horrifying, never ending pain. And emptiness. I ran as fast as I could, but I couldn't escape either of them.

The trees eventually began to thin, and I could see a bright golden light shining from up ahead of me. If I hadn't been so set on never changing my course, I might have switched directions so I could remain in the forest's gloom. I couldn't risk turning around though, so I continued forward.

I emerged from the forest eventually and wound up on a rock covered cliff, overlooking a huge body of water. I couldn't be sure how far I'd run, or even which way I had gone, so it could have been the ocean, or just a large lake. It didn't matter to me much.

An hour or two ago, I would have been able to stand here and marvel at the setting sun, crimson red now as it set. I would have gasped at the bright rays of pink and purple that streaked the sky, pausing to illuminate the puffy clouds. I would have smiled at the reflection of the glorious sky in the water, making the sunset seem twice as magnificent.

Now all I could do was stare at the dark water and hurt.

My life stretched itself out in front of my unseeing eyes. For so long I had known what to expect out of every day. Those days were endless pages of empty paper; tangible, but inconsequential. Then those pages suddenly exploded with writing, black ink covering every inch of the thick parchment. I felt like I had seen the writing, but had never gotten around to reading it. Now the pages were ripped from the book and scattered to the wind. I had lost my chance. Those were words I would never get the chance to read.

The pain began to intensify. How could I face tomorrow? And if I somehow did, how could I face the day after that? Would I live through the rest of my eternal life dreading each new sunrise? At this point, I was dreading each new minute. I closed my eyes, blocking the red sunlight from shining anymore.

That was a mistake. The blackness brought forth a flood of pictures. At first they were all of my first days with my…with the Cullens. The stares I dreaded, the silence I could never fill with enough words. Those thoughts brought forth images of Alice though, so I pushed past those memories.

I could feel the tears finally beginning to form. I forced my mind to try to outrun them.

In the darkness of my own mind, my memories of the past weeks flew forward. I couldn't help it; it was as if some dam had finally broken. I couldn't stop myself from seeing the faces I didn't want to see. Especially the one I wanted to see the least. I tried to find something less excruciating to think about, and couldn't.

I missed Edward. His name made me cringe, and that cringe made me feel worse. What had I done? Bella's cold glare and sharp words replayed themselves loudly in my head. My head fell to my knees. What had I done? I tried not to make the comparison, but it came anyway. Bella's eyes had looked so familiar to me. They were the same eyes my mother had had when she walked away from me for the last time.

I don't know how long it took for the thought to occur to me. Time had ceased to mean much to me anymore. But it came as Bella's cold voice had replayed itself in my mind. I considered how long I had pondered my own mortality, how many times I had attempted to die. The answer seemed relatively simple now. So simple, my mind had overlooked it completely.

It had been clear since the day of my birth that my heart needed to beat. And for my heart to beat, I needed to breathe. This was a simple enough fact. Nothing complicated in that.

I looked at the dark water more intently. This was the key. I couldn't die by the point of a sword, or the injection of a poison. Not even by the very breaking of a heart.

But I could drown.

I felt a part of me cheer in triumph, but I could not bring myself to smile. I stood on the edge of the cliff face and just continued to stare at the water. The surface was rough and tinted red from the sunset. Waves of water colored like blood splashed at the rock miles beneath my feet. The sound of the surf sounded far away and muted to my ears. I knew it was roaring with each wave that hit the rock, but still all I could hear was Bella. _You're lucky I don't kill you._ Luck had nothing to do with it.

If I could just hold my body under the water long enough for my lungs to give up, I knew I would have my answer. My body would fight, of course. It wasn't the coward that my mind was. I could already feel my mind pulling at the water, trying to draw my body into it all the faster. The waves jumped a little higher.

For one second, I felt my brow furrow. Was this worth it? Yes, I had left the one thing I would ever want behind me, but couldn't there be something in the future? Something even slightly worth my attention? Anything to keep me from the pull of the dark water?

No, there wasn't. Even if I had happiness in my future, it would not be worth the endless days of pain I had ahead of me. Plus, nothing could make me as happy as all that I had left behind me. Any other delight would be a cruel mockery of the true happiness I felt when surrounded by family.

The word family made my body shudder a bit. The waves surged higher still.

But I didn't deserve to die. What had I done to Bella? To her family? Had I been a wedge that had so disturbed the balance that had been present before me? If so, then what right did I have to end _my_ suffering? A monster like me deserved to live in pain. It was the only penance I was allowed.

My mind had a hard time countering this argument. That's true; I had no right to end my misery. But still, I was a coward; I knew that already. What was running away again, this one last time? I was a pathetic creature; this was the most pathetic end I could muster for myself.

Suddenly the roar of the water became much clearer to my ears. The sun was mostly below the horizon now, a dark black tinting the upper edges of the sky. The moon was slowly becoming visible, the half circle hanging lazily in the sky. I briefly wondered how many times the celestial body had watched people suffer over the ages? How many times had it seen people finally succumb to their pain? Probably enough times that my own death would be nothing new.

I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. The forest's scent tasted glorious. I could taste the cool air, the pine needles, the moss on the bark, the deep wood of the trees, the dew on the leaves, the fur of the animals. Most of all, I could taste the thick dirt underneath the lush grass. The scent made me ache. This was what would be hardest to leave behind. My mind begged me to just step forward, to finally give myself to the oblivion it craved. But my body told me that I needed to take one more breath, to at least say goodbye to the forest it loved.

I obliged, finally listening to my body over my mind for once. I filled my lungs with air, the cool breeze of it flowing over my tongue. I tasted a different scent this time, a scent more glorious than the forest could ever be. I let the air out in a gasp and whipped around.

All of my sense came back to me in a second. A small part of my mind marveled at how deaf and blind I had been; the waves were much louder than I had thought. The larger part of my mind stared at the edge of the forest where a graceful, angelic form was emerging from the trees.

Edward's eyes were wider than I had ever seen them, and they were locked on me.

My mind went blank. It was odd. Apparently I couldn't have both my sense and my mind working at the same time. I was completely unable to form a coherent thought. I tried to jumpstart my mind, but nothing was happening. All I could do was stare at him as he stared at me.

"Iris," he said suddenly, and the sound of his voice did finally electrify my mind into life.

_JUMP!_ It screamed at me. My body stuttered slightly at the intensity of the yelling. I was confused for a second as to why I was still standing here. Hadn't I just been ready to end this? It seemed my mind was having less and less control as the seconds wore on. Edward's eyes became truly tortured and he reached out a hand towards me that I was sure would catch me before I had the chance to step backwards.

Why was he here? What was going on?

"Iris, please," he said, soft and melodic. My eyes narrowed. "Please, just come here." He held out his hand further for me to grab. My mouth opened slightly to say something, but no words could come out yet. I hadn't yet obtained the ability to speak again. Well, that was fine. I could wait.

As I waited I glared at Edward. He didn't move even slightly, and his arm remained raised. I felt my mouth tighten as I looked at him.

For Edward, he was a mess. Of course, his features were perfect, his hair still tangled in an alluring mess, his skin still perfectly pale white. His clothes, however, were dirty and torn. This confused me; that was so unlike Edward. What had he been doing? Crawling through the forest bushes? I half laughed to myself. Even that couldn't dirty immaculate Edward.

A small smile broke through on Edward's face, though not quite reaching his eyes. His eyes were still trained on the very tiny amount of space between me and the cliff edge. Still, that smile brought back my glare. Might as well try speaking again.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. I was surprised at how solid my voice sounded; the very opposite of how my mind felt.

He seemed momentarily confused by my question. "Bringing you home," he said, still slightly confused. I felt my eyes fly wide and my mouth pop open. The word 'home' sliced through my still beating heart and finally brought the tears up to my eyes. I fought against them, but I couldn't stop them anymore. They flowed over, but I ignored him.

"I don't have a home," I said, my voice still solid, not breaking once, despite the tears flooding my cheeks. The words took all my strength to say and that left nothing for me to function with anymore. I stumbled slightly forward and sunk to my knees a few feet closer to Edward. He finally broke from his solid pose and rushed to my side and held me tightly. His touch shocked me and I immediately pulled away, pushing against him. He let me go, but continued to look at me with a tortured expression.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked again.

"Bringing you home," he said again, confident now. I just sighed.

"Stop it. Edward, go home," I said and felt like I was arguing with a child. He was so stubborn.

"Iris, she's sorry. She feels horrible. Please, just let her explain. She's just behind me, I can go call her. She's looking for you too…" He said the words quickly, all perfectly articulated, but the words running together in the same second. I held up my hand. I didn't care to clarify who he was talking about.

"Edward, you are only making things worse by being here. Go back to Bella."

He cringed slightly at my words, but held his confident stance. "Not without you." I groaned at him.

"Edward, what are you doing? What is this? Why are you _here_?" I asked again, still having not received the response I wanted. He wasn't hearing the question I was asking. Why was he here, with me? Why did I _matter_?

He finally understood. "Iris, you are my sister. What more can I tell you?" He looked like, honestly, that was all the explanation he needed right now. He had to be the most irritating person I had even encountered.

"Bella seems to be under another impression," I said, my voice cold. I couldn't look at his responding expression of pain, so I dropped my eyes to the ground.

"She misunderstood. Clearly. I've spoken to her. I didn't see any of it. She wouldn't tell me. I hurt her. It is unforgivable. I never meant to mislead anyone." His voice sounded wary.

I looked up at him and his eyes were questioning. Before I could stop myself, I was laughing.

The sound was slightly frightening, because laughing was the most unlikely thing I felt like doing right now. But the sound was familiar, not cold. I remembered all the times I had laughed with Edward before. This sounded exactly the same. Only this time, his laughter did not join mine. He seemed just as disturbed as I did.

I tried to examine my feelings while I sat there, laughing like a lunatic. From what I could tell, Edward was unsure of how I felt about him. He thought maybe he had misled me as well. That thought alone made me laugh harder. He was my brother, albeit, my favorite brother, but still. He was nothing more than that. I focused on that thought.

Was that true? Could I be sure? My mind immediately flicked back to the spark I had felt between us once in my room. Was that more? Something that should make Edward wary? I looked back to him and his eyes were hard and sad. My laughter had quieted now and silence hung between us.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said, his voice softer now. I felt my brow furrow and my mouth twist to the side. He hadn't hurt me. These words didn't sting whatsoever. I thought back to that spark I had felt. Yes, I loved Edward. Of course I did. He filled a hole inside of me that I never even realized had been there. He had welcomed me into the family I loved and had given me a place to stand. Right beside him. But he was my brother. I could never love him the way Bella loved him. They were just two different types of love. Two different types of connections.

I heard Edward sigh, relieved. I met his eyes and he seemed, finally, at peace. I wondered back to that first day of fighting, when he had told me he could never let me leave. Here he was again, tracking me down to bring me back. What could I possibly hold for him that he would go to these extremes? Was it really the same as with Alice, or Rosalie?

Edward cracked a small smile. "To an extent," he said, answering my unspoken question. "You are a bit different though, too." I grimaced a bit. I was very different.

Edward seemed to backtrack over his words. "I love both Alice and Rosalie very much. I just feel…connected with you." He stuttered over his words, something I had never seen before. I bit my lip slightly, confused over his uncertainty. He looked up at me, then began speaking very quickly, like before.

"I love Bella. She is my life and I'm hers. She is everything I want from life. She has given me more than I could ever have expected to receive. I owe her everything I am able to give." He paused slightly, smiling, remembering her. I resisted rolling my eyes; even now, he was overly dramatic. He smirked and continued on, still fast.

"But she's young. She doesn't quite understand what it was like, living for so many years without her. We met and she knew immediately what she wanted. Of course, there were hard times, extremely hard times, but they were comparatively short periods of suffering. That doesn't lessen her resilience; she's one of the strongest people I've ever met. Overwhelmingly brave. But she's received everything she wants in life, and she is happy."

"I tried, a long time ago, to show her how miserable a life like ours can be, but she wasn't able to understand. And she can't, especially not now. Not when she has all she wants. And that is all I wanted for her. I would never, ever want her to understand the pain of our pasts. It makes me happier than ever that she's happy."

"But you do understand. You have lived with pain. Alone, unsure. It's just…easy…to speak with you about it. To talk, without worry of mentioning something upsetting. I try to protect Bella, though she begs me not to. I was very careful with what I spoke about around her. Not as much now, but still. Bella has yet to watch her father pass away." Edward shuddered.

"She may understand better after that." He dropped his eyes to his hands. I nodded, understanding, maybe not fully, what Edward was saying. I knew how much he had suffered in his life before Bella. She had never experienced anything close to the things he had. He had nearly a decade more life experience than she had. I knew these two people were made for each other, but still. That's a large distance to leap over.

Then I thought of all the conversations Edward and I had together. It had been easy to talk, freely, of unpleasant experiences, of our pasts. Because we both understood. Things just flowed between us. He was able to read the things I wasn't able to say. He was able to say the things I wasn't able to read.

"It's just easier," I echoed back to him. He nodded, still looking down. I felt my brow furrow as I considered him. Our friendship was an odd one, so close after such a small amount of time. But we understood each other now. Now it was merely the problem of making others understand too.

I looked over my shoulder, back to the sky behind me. The sun had completely set now, and it was dark. The moon was bright, not a cloud in the sky, the half circle smiling at me, lying on its side. The stars shined like tiny candles in a lightless room, flickering, winking at me. A slow smile spread across my lips and finally I turned my gaze to the dark water below the cliff. It reflected the smiling sky back to me, doubling the comforting blanket of night.

How strange. The waves were much calmer now.

I heard a noise, a rustle, from a few feet behind Edward. I turned around and Edward was smiling. He looked at me.

"Are you ready to go home?"

I breathed in once again, deep, tasting the water, the forest and the sky all in the same second. I felt the cool breeze blow across my face, bringing me Edward's sweet scent. I put my hand on the dry rock below my feet and felt the texture of the ground. I felt myself smile for the first time, and it felt like breaking through the surface of the dark waves below me. I breathed once again just to prove I could.

My voice was confident, as I knew it would be. "Yes."


	19. Uncertainty

3

Uncertainty

We didn't get far. We had barely crossed into the outlying trees before Alice came barreling out of the overgrown bushes towards us. She saw me and she looked for a second like she might pass out. Instead, she pushed Edward out of the way and grabbed me in a tight hug.

"Iris," she breathed as she held me. I hugged her back and she let me go. I looked her over and noticed that her clothes looked perfect, just like the rest of her. I looked back to Edward and once again wondered what he could have been doing do look so ridiculous. He just looked away and didn't say anything. I felt guilty; I was sure whatever it was, it was my fault.

Alice took hold of my arm and pulled at me, her eyes pleading. I knew she wanted to go home, and she was desperate to take me back to the family and lock me in my room and never let me out. I took in another deep breath to steady myself.

What was I so afraid of? This wasn't like the first time I came to meet this family. I knew them now and they knew me. So why was I dreading this so much?

Of course, I knew what I was dreading. It wasn't quite that hard to see. How long could I go without speaking to Bella? I was terrified of her; not because she was angry at me. I just did not know what to say to her. I hoped that I could come up with something before we ran into her.

Edward had said she was out looking for me. I couldn't be sure how much time I had anyway. I nodded to Alice and she pulled my arm once again, taking off into the forest.

As we ran, I felt a little odd. I wasn't sure how to feel. My two siblings streaked along next to me and my lungs filled with clean air. That made me overwhelmingly happy. Yet, all that had happened today still pressed down on me like a weight trying to crush my body to the ground. That made me wary of this next scene in this odd production my life had transformed into. The whole thing was too surreal.

We ran in almost a perfectly straight line. I was impressed with how true to my course I had been earlier, but mostly I felt guilty. Every few feet we would cross a trail of either Edward, or Alice, or Bella running in all different directions. Looking for me, no doubt. I wondered how long they had been out here, searching for some clue that I would never leave. I felt intensely guilty for all their trouble. And I had thought that no one had followed me…

Edward brushed my arm lightly. I didn't look up at him; no doubt he would tell me not to worry about it. Which was stupid; of course I would worry.

I tried to focus my thoughts on what I could possibly say to Bella when I saw her, but nothing occurred to me. I took in another deep breath. We had been running for awhile. I knew we had to be getting close.

I didn't want to remember back to the last time I had run by these places, and to my surprise, I _couldn't_ remember. I was thankful that Edward was spared having to relive that time with me. We hit the river I knew so well, and we jumped over without a second thought. I couldn't even remember doing that on the run over. I wondered if those dark memories would ever come back to me.

We crossed through the small gathering of trees at the back of the backyard slowly. Alice lead the procession into the clearing; it was obvious that she wanted to pick me up and run me into the house herself. I came out second. I might have been last if Edward hadn't fallen behind me to make sure I didn't run off again. What he didn't understand was that once I saw the huge white house, with its wide windows full of light and the faces of my family, I knew I could never run again.

I was home.

I followed Alice up to the back door and we crossed through. I felt the cool air of the house hit me, and the scent of each individual vampire assaulted my senses. I could barely see through the haze it surrounded my mind with. But I forced it all back to stare at the faces of every single member of my family.

The silence was overwhelming. Carlisle stood by the phone, seeming to debate over who he could possibly call to alert about my disappearance. I wasn't the usual type of runaway. Esme cowered on the sofa next to him, her arms wrapped around her chest. Her eyes shot up to Alice when she walked through the door, immediately demanding news. Rosalie stood by the piano near the front door, completely impassive. Her mouth was a tight, thin line. Emmett stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her. His eyes were focused on the ground. Jasper was next to the back door and he jumped to Alice's side the second she came in. Jacob held Renesmee by the stairs, slowly rocking her sleeping form back and forth.

No one had noticed me just yet. Then I heard Bella's voice explode through the room.

"Iris!" She came running down the stairs, her clothes even worse than Edward's. There was dirt in her hair and it was tangled beyond recognition. Her face and skin were immaculate, but she was a mess. I felt my eyes widen at the sight of her, but she didn't even notice. She flew at me and nearly tackled me in the tightest hug I had yet to suffer through. My mouth popped open and it took me a second to tentatively wrap my arms around her form.

"Iris, oh, Iris," she nearly cried while she clung to me. I considered for a second what I was supposed to do in this situation. I just lightly tapped her back a bit. She pulled back from me to stare me in the eyes. I was completely hypnotized by the beauty of them, their amber color darker than usual.

"Iris. I am so sorry," she said, complete honesty coating her words. I was surprised by her words, so it took me a second to respond. She went on in my silence.

"I have absolutely no idea what came over me. Iris, how I acted was unforgivable. I will never be able to tell you how very sorry I am, Iris. Please, please, understand that I didn't mean a _word_…" She stopped speaking as I put my hand up. I had finally recovered from my shock.

"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for," I said, still somewhat surprised. Rosalie made a small sound from the other side of the room, though I couldn't tell if it was in agreement or not. I ignored her, because Bella attempted to start talking again. I just talked over her.

"Iris, of course I do.."

"Bella, please, listen…"

"No, Iris, you don't understand…"

"Bella, no, I get it, really…"

"No, I was being _absurd_. Please, I was horrible…"

"BELLA!" I finally yelled. She stopped talking and let out a small sigh of air. I jumped at my opportunity to speak.

"Bella, please. I know how you felt, and I know why. _I'm_ sorry. I know what you saw, and I know you understand now. But, Bella, I never want you to be afraid to tell me when something is wrong. I _want_ to know. I'm sorry that I reacted the way I did, Bella. You had every right to be upset with me and I should have stayed to talk with you. I lost control and I am sorry. Now, _please_. Stop apologizing." I touched her hand and she turned it over to hold mine.

"But I am sorry, Iris," she said, her eyes begging me to understand. And I did.

"I know, Bella. Just don't be," I said with a small smile. Her returning smile was sad, kind of pathetic, but I took it. All I wanted to see was her smile. It made mine twice as large.

That started Esme off, and soon enough, I was crushed under her arms. She wrapped them around both Bella and me, and she was saying so many things so fast that I couldn't catch much of it. I think it mostly had something to do with 'never scaring her again', but I couldn't be sure. I just nodded my head as much as possible and let her hug me fiercely until she was satisfied to let us go.

After Esme, I was surprised to see Emmett come at me with a giant bear hug. He picked me up off my feet and swung me around before putting me down. I stumbled slightly as he dropped me to my feet, but Rosalie was there to catch me in a quick, but loving hug. As her arms wrapped around me, I heard her slight sigh of relief and I smiled at her when she released me. I was whipped out of her arms by another hug from Alice and I laughed as Jasper had to lightly pull Alice apart from me. Jasper did not hug me, but he did put his arm around my shoulder after Alice pulled away from me. I smiled up at him and he shot me a grin, making his ravaged face look overwhelmingly attractive. He let me go and Alice grabbed him around his waist, grinning just as beautifully up at him as he was down at her. I rolled my eyes at them both and turned as I felt a small tug at the bottom of my shirt.

Renesmee was staring up at me with wide, happy eyes. I held out my hand to her and she showed me pictures of my family with their arms wrapped around me. I laughed lightly and pulled her up into my arms and she wrapped her own around my neck. She hugged me tightly, giggling as she showed me Emmett's hug again, and how surprised I had looked as he spun me around. I couldn't help but giggle back at her. I was feeling oddly light-headed at all the things that were happening all at once. It was nice to lose myself in Renesmee's memories of all my family's reactions to our reunion.

The suddenly, her mouth dropped slightly and she put her hand to my neck, and Bella's face filled my mind. She remembered all the nights that Bella had seemed uncertain, how worried she had been. How Bella had been so sad whenever Renesmee talked of me, or of her father. Then she remembered how utterly insane Bella had been with guilt after I had left. She had only stood there for a second before taking off into the forest after me, yelling my name. Edward had gone after her, then Alice. Renesmee had been very worried about them. Still blind from her visions, I nodded, understanding. I rocked her slightly to soothe her mind.

She remembered Jacob explaining, talking in a soft, rough voice. There had been tears in his eyes. She had wiped them away and wondered why everyone was so sad. She had known I would come back. Jacob had hummed and rocked her to sleep, while she waited for me to come back. She had known I would…

Her thoughts drifted off into muddled darkness and I smiled as her hand dropped from my neck. I looked up finally, and saw that most of the family had disappeared. I could hear them in various rooms of the house, but only Bella, Jacob and Edward were here now. Bella had her hand to her neck and a beautiful smile adorning her face. Edward stood behind her and he had his arm wrapped around her waist. His head was leaning on hers, his lips touching her hair. Jacob was next to them and stepped forward to take Nessie from me, lightly lifting her from my arms. He stepped back then and sat on the couch near the door, where Esme had been a few minutes ago.

I looked back to Edward and Bella, who hadn't moved. Edward lifted his head then and smiled at me and I smiled back, laughing slightly at surreal feel this day had taken on. More and more, I could barely tell that I wasn't dreaming. Who knew? Maybe I _had_ slipped into a dream, like Renesmee. This was all odd enough that it would be entirely possible.

Edward must have seen the utter exhaustion that suddenly crushed me, but it was Bella who spoke first.

"Iris, why don't you get some rest?" Her voice was soothing, the bell-like quality finally back after months of emotionless monotone. I sighed with relief. I thought about my large bed upstairs, surrounded by Edward's CDs and my books and nearly cried aloud. I just smiled at Bella, nodded, and walked – faster than was maybe necessary – to my one sanctuary on earth.

~*~

I had not been gone long and my room bore no sign of my absence. Everything lay in exactly the same place it had hours earlier, completely unaffected by all that had happened today. My bed cover remained crumpled and tossed on the bed, just as untidy as how I had left it. That small fact made me smile and I carefully sat myself upon the wide mattress. I ran my hand over the soft golden blanket and closed my eyes, inhaling. The room's constant sweet scene hung muted in the air. Everything was exactly the same; so why did I suddenly feel so out of place?

The cloudless night sky lit my room in the dull, pale white light from the moon. I peered around my room, looking at all the possessions that made it mine. I felt uneasy and I tried to pinpoint exactly why. I thought back to how uncomfortable I had been in those first weeks; I hadn't felt like myself. I felt like a completely different person. Family life had been so hard to grow into. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate. It didn't feel like that now; no, I was comfortable with my family. I was more than blissful to be back. So then why did I feel so restless?

Just to move, I got up and walked to the opposite wall to turn on the lights. I flicked the light switch upwards and a muted yellow light shot down from multiple dim bulbs in the ceiling. My eyes refocused to the light and I sighed and sat down on the bed again. This time I curled my legs up on the bed and pulled my arms around my knees. I stared at the thick golden carpet on the floor. I was beginning to get frustrated with myself; something kept pulling at me. My heart felt like it wanted to leap out of my chest and run off into the forest to some unseen end. Both my mind and body kept attempting to quiet it, to tell it to be happy with what it had, but it was being illogical tonight. I just sighed again and slid back to rest my back against the headboard of the bed.

I attempted to calm my rapidly beating heart, but it wasn't slowing down. I felt so jittery that the light knock at my door made me jump. I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes at myself. My hands were shaking so badly I was afraid of how my voice would sound.

"Come in," I called, my voice steady, thankfully. My door opened soundlessly and Bella stepped inside, her eyes still repentant. I greeted her with a warm smile and she attempted to return it. It came out as more of a grimace and I laughed lightly. She joined in after a couple of seconds.

"Mind if I join you for a few minutes?" Bella asked, pausing at the doorway. I just nodded and gestured that she should come sit. I was sure she would attempt to apologize for hours and we both could probably use the mental comfort sitting seemed to provide. She walked forward, graceful as ever, and curled up on the bed facing me, pulling her legs under her arms, mirroring my position. She grinned at me and I grinned back.

I hesitated to ask her what was wrong, because the answer could have been years long. There were so many things wrong in Bella's life, but then again, there were so many things right as well. I wondered if this visit was about our recent dealings, or if she just needed to talk. I hoped it wasn't long before we could move past the sorrow for what had happened today and get onto being sisters again. The thought made me smile at her, which prompted her to speak.

"I'll be honest. I wanted to apologize again for what happened today," she said, her eyes apologizing for both what happened and for attempting to apologize again. I smiled at her and she sighed heavily.

"It was absolutely out of line, and completely uncalled for. I really have no idea what came over me. I am so sorry, Iris. More sorry than I can say." She held her eyes to mine, refusing even to look down in her own self-induced shame. I smiled at her courage.

"Bella, I know. And it was not uncalled for. As I said before," I paused, reminding her that she already apologized, "I never want you to be afraid to tell me something."

Bella nodded and finally looked down. Her next words were no more than a whisper. "Sometimes, I just feel very…inadequate…to him." Her brow furrowed as she attempted to place the right words to her thoughts. I kept quiet, not sure what to say. She was in no way 'inadequate' for anyone. But I thought she knew that. There was something deeper than this, I could feel it.

She looked up at me again. "You two just seemed to share something. Something I'll never be able to share. You've lived so much longer than I have. You will always have a knowledge of that time deeper than I could ever learn. You fulfill a certain part of his mindset that I cannot." She smiled at me, her eyes warm. "You have just experienced more than I have. It's something I am envious of. Not just you, but all my family. I'm so new to this, to life in general. You, as a collective, know so much more than I do. My jealously just got out of control and it was inexcusable. I am so sorry again, Iris."

I stared at her for a few moments, absorbing her words. Then I closed my eyes and shook my head, a small smile developing on my face.

"Bella, really. You need to stop apologizing." She opened her mouth to say more, but I put up my hand.

"I'm not finished quite yet. As it happens, you are also wrong. Very, very wrong." She closed her mouth, but her eyes grew wide with curiosity. I shook my head again as I considered her previous words. My mind flew backwards through the years I had lived through. Nearly a decade of life.

"You, Bella, know so much more than I do," I started slowly, my eyes closed again, considering my life. "You have so many memories. Memories of your childhood, of your parents. Of holidays with your family, of growing up, of learning new things. You remember what it was like to be a child, to be allowed to be afraid, to be allowed to be sad. You can remember growing up into a young adult and you can remember the friends you made. You can remember your mother's pride in her very talented daughter and your father's love. You have memories of birthdays, of years passing and meaning something. You have memories of doing so many new things, of leaving a home you loved and moving somewhere strange. Memories of meeting all new people; of falling in love." Bella's eyes lit up as all these things passed through her mind, her thoughts finally resting on Edward.

"You have lived years full of _life_, Bella. I have not. I have hidden away in the darkest corners of the world attempting not to be found. I do not remember what it feels like to embrace a parent, or to see one smile at you. I have not experienced any of this. Bella, I have lived for eighty years and I know nothing of the world around me. I was blind, am still blind, to everything but the path directly in front of me. Your life is full and lush, everything in it still in place to grow. Do not envy _anyone_, least of all me. I have absolutely nothing that you could ever want. Truly, I'm the one that should envy you. To have a life full of memories…" I paused, amazed at the thought. What would it be like to live out a life, able to look back and see so much accomplished? The idea was so foreign to me, but it stuck in my mind, vivid, like the colors of my dreams. The thought of new experiences called to me in the same collective musical voice. The voice laughed as it sang to me.

Bella's eyes flickered over my face, confused. I remembered that I had not finished my sentence. I kicked my mind to catch up.

"To have a life full of memories, well, I am only beginning to be able to imagine it," I finished, somewhat lamely. Bella smiled though, her eyes somewhat sad as she looked at me. Pitying, I thought. I nearly laughed aloud; it hadn't taken much to show her that I was not one to be envied.

"Iris, there is still a world outside these walls, you know. It's never too late to make up for lost time," Bella said, her voice soft and quiet. It was so low even I could barely hear it. She continued on in the same hushed whisper.

"We would hate to see you go. But do know that I would help you do whatever it is that you wanted to do. Never imagine that anything is impossible."

It took me a moment to catch onto the connection between her words and her low tone. Her eyes looked down at the blanket and her fingers brushed over the light pattern in it. I focused on her face, but not really seeing it. I was seeing something else entirely.

I had a home here, of course. I loved my family, of course. They were the greatest gift I could ever receive. Of course.

But there was a world I had spent 80 years ignoring. I didn't know anything about it; all I knew were the stories I obsessed over in books. Bella had just made me realize that those stories could be truly _mine_. Who was to say that I was unable to experience things now? Bella was right. It was never too late to make up for lost time. And I had a lot of catching up to do.

My heart began to pound again and I recognized the restless feeling this time. I felt out of place because I wanted to be exploring, seeing the world. I wanted to experience life, to actually gain access to some memories. I had begun to build up a collection in my time with my family, but that was only the beginning. I had so much further to go.

I smiled at Bella and she looked up, her eyes happy and sorrowful at the same time. I thought about the pain in them and realized that this pain related to her hushed voice. How would the others react when I told them I was leaving? Especially after what had just happened? How would Alice handle it? Would Esme even let me out the door? I looked down, feeling ashamed of my own desires. I couldn't hurt them that way.

Bella reached out her hand and pulled my eyes to hers. It was clear that she too did not want me to go, but she accepted it as a necessary thing. She wanted me to be happy. Her eyes promised me that this was her first priority.

"Go, then come back, Iris. They will understand." She smiled at me, for once looking like a real Bella smile. It was beautiful; innocent and knowing, all at the same time. She looked a lot like Renesmee when she smiled; more experienced than she could ever know. So very much more than me.

I smiled back at her, my own paling in comparison. Bella dropped her hand to mine and held it there for a few seconds. Eventually, I pulled my hand away and stood, my heart fully pounding in my chest now. The light gold color of the room slowly spun in the rush of blood my heart was filling into my body. I could feel it pulling again, ready now to run on its own, to see what it still hadn't seen. I smiled at it this time, in full agreement. I was ready too.

I crossed quickly to the door and pulled it open, walking slowly down the stairs, towards the rest of my family. Ready now to say goodbye.


End file.
